why is it that girls always say they would never make any guy their world? we all say we won't drift away from our friends? no one could take their places. we say we would never put up with any guy's bullshit we know we deserve better. but then how come none of those words ever reign true? we all say that our standards would never be lowered and that we would get out of a bad realtionship as soon as it started to turn.. and yet here i am stuck. how was i to know how i was better off without him?. i wish i never would have gotten back in touch with him. becuase at least before this i didn't really know what i was missing. but now i'll never forget it. and for some reason i'm afraid he will. but deep down i know he'll look back on this and realize what he had but i know that he will never change. he claimed he did for me but it was just another lie meant to lure me in from his lips.  here i am giving all i can becuase i want it to work becuase i see how you look at me but i can't keep giving and getting nothing back.  i was on the phone tonight and i said how i keep trying but i get nothing back and i don't know what to do and i just wanted to know why. and the person on the other end told me that sometimes there comes a time when you just have to walk away and leave it go.  and it's one of the hardest things i'm ever going to do becuase you showed me how it felt to have someone show me how much they cared and i never really wanted to admit it but i needed it and i'm not ready for it to be gone yet but you've given up on me and i don't know what else to do but leave you be.  so this is me trying really hard to say good bye without you knowing. a dose of your own medicine leave you wondering... see how it feels because it doesn't feel good. i can tell you that. and you know it and you claim to love me and never want to lose me but that's not true either. something's or someone came around that you were curious about or something i just can't do it anymore i've cried too much and i wish i could say i wouldn't cry anymore but that would be a lie and i said i would never lie to you or hurt you and i haven't even though you broke me apart and i feel stupid and used i still have a heart and it's still warpped around your finger and i just want it back. i don't want the pain anymore becuase i know your not feeling it but your causing it. the promises you made me never really were going to come true the talks about the future were just words you knew to say so i would fall harder. telling me forever was just a stupid thing that could be between just you and me, i don't know what was real from you and what wasn't anymore becuas eout of nowhere you were gone and left me.. you ran and you promised you would walk with me... your never going to read this but i feel better letting it out. and that's what i'm doing from now on what makes me feel good because your not here anymore and i don't know if you ever really were.

raised on bad examples

She turns up the music so she can't hear her world, everytime she thinks its getting better it falls apart.. worse and worse everytime.

i listen to music that once reminded me of you or of him but it has no meaning.. because whats done is done and i cant change the past.. you have not apologized for anything that you have ever done or said to hurt me but you hear me say one wrong sentence and you act as if i killed someone.. i did not appologize but you, you do not derserve it

She's on solid ground She's been lost and found Now, she answers to G-O-D
And she's confident This is not the end Ask me how I know Cause she is me.

i understand i messed up i hurt you.. but it has gone both ways the whole time.. all my life.. i've felt as though i never really belonged in this house... i was too weak.. or to emotional.. and then i was too good... i meant for better things then a single house in royersford struggling sometimes to make ends meet... telling your children you left their dad bc all you needed was us and then dated asswholes after it.. i dont know i think my dad may have been a little better than that.. but maybe that was just me... maybe our name really was meant to be known by all cops around us... well not my name... yes i got in trouble a lot of trouble but have we all forgotten where the rest of your kids have ended up... they messed up too.. but i geuss everyone just never wanted to push them.. never wanted them to really be anything.. but then you realize it afterwards how much was on you.. and now you put me through all your pent up anger, frusterations... but the thing is i realized a long time ago that i was meant for more.. no one ever believes me when i say that i'm gonna make it some day and i just move my head from side to side because you laugh now.. but  i wont stay here.. stay and watch all that i grew up with rot away slowly..

i hear you in the other room... i still see the look in your eyes when you look at me.. and i know you still wonder why i did what i did.. and i know you wonder why i am me.. but how can you be so angry over something you dont understand.. your answers are all within me all you would have to do is listen.. let me tell you how you were never there and he was.. but all you would want is to yell at me for everything i ever believed in.. i never truly questioned the way i live before now. i never thought it was that bad until you hated me for all that i am and all that i have been and i pray to god one day you will accept me and listen.. maybe actually get to know me... please do not hate the person i am to become.. do not look down on my friends or my actions.. because  you my dear are not better than me and made mistakes too.. you were a teenager.. or you say you were and yet you forget all that we have to deal with and never has anythihg about all the new shit in the world that i get to see and never did you ever explain to me anything.. nothing no drugs no sex.. you didn't warn me or protect me from the horrible things in this world.. and now your trying, but it is all too late my dear all to late.. i learned so much and none was it from you.. you couldn't handle your own feelings i geuss or something because you never express them.. i've grown up thinking crying made you weak and failure is what our family name is known for is it not?... im just now beginning to realize nbot all my mistakes were my fault.. and crying doesn't make you weak.. it means your sad.. and failure maybe what your name has come to be but not mine not now not ever.