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Friday, May 16, 2008
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on snuggee
He has always tried to assure me that he loves me. His word were just never enough for me. His words were never enough to calm me nor make me believe that things will be alright. I was expecting for more which, of course, he could not give nor do because he was just "too busy" (..or so he says)
It has been almost 4 months now since he has been gone. I can say I'm okay. In lay man's term, steady. I'm in such a mediocre state. I no longer feel empty but I don't feel too complete as well. There is this sort of space that needs to be filled pa din. I continue to long for him. I still miss having him in my life. I'm moving on but I'm not over him.
I've been sorry for all the wrong things I've done. I've been sorry for all the pains that I've caused him and for all the complications and struggles he had to go through because of me. Somehow though I wish he would also realize that he has hurt me too. I admit that I have been selfish. I have always wanted him to be with me. He made me so used to having him around eh. He made me too dependent on him that I already forgot how to live on my own. He just made me so comfortable that I never looked for anything else. He was enough..more than enough for me.
Right now, for some reason, my so-called-past with him is haunting me and I find it so weird that I don't feel bitter at all. I can't help but smile and continue to be thankful for all the memories we have created together. I continue to laugh and smile whenever I see our pictures. I still feel the joy that I've felt before when we've shared those things.
I have been hanging out with friends lately. It's not like I'm dating. I just realized that my snuggee remains to have a hold in my heart. Pathetic me..."my snuggee". He is the first person who has completely complemented my strengths and weaknesses. He is so far the only person I know who could make me so happy and tear my heart into pieces. He became my everything that's why I also know that God had to take him away from me. He was just my life!
Deep in my heart, I still want him back. He remains to be the best thing that ever happened to me. He is not perfect but he continues to be the best for me. I'm scared though, now that we're so apart, he might change. Yeah, I know he will definitely change, grow and mature. I'm just scared that he might forget me. I need him back but I don't know how to do it. I am not sure if I'd still have him back.
I still believe in miracles though. I know miracles still happen. I'm not losing hope. I maybe discouraged but I haven't ran out of hope. Not that I'm idealistic or living totally apart from reality but right now, I choose to believe that God will bring us back together. I choose to believe that God hears my hear crying out and that He will grant my heart's desire. Right now, only my faith and hope keep me going, going and moving on....
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
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What is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?
My mom was rushed to the hospital because she had aneurysm. On the first night, I was just too rattled. My mom was in such a critical stage. My dad broke down already. I can't exactly depend on my younger brothers because they too were rattled. Brian, my friend, who went straight to the hospital from school, came over to check on my mom and to keep me company too. Around 10pm, his parents called because they wanted him to come home already. And so I said goodbye.. After 30minutes, he called me and said he was at the lobby of the hospital. I thought it was a joke but then, in no time, he was just there in flesh at the ICU with me... The thought never fails to make me smile. I will forever be grateful to God for giving me a friend like Brian because he was definitely one great source strength during that time of uncertainty for my family.
I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!
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Starting Again...
Well, I've been back here for almost 3 weeks now. It has been okay. Okay is a term of mediocrity... so unlikely to be me. I'm supposed to be job hunting right now. I'm actually supposed to be working! But here I am at home...back at one.
I was in Singapore trying to fix everything when my mom said I had to just come back home. And just like what a good daughter does, I obeyed. I took the early flight back last April 29 and here I am now. Then I found out that mom wants me to go back there after 6 months pa. It's just too long. All my plans are for Sg and poof! I suddenly have to revert back to Phils.
I know God has plans for me. I just wish it was easier for me to understand what it is so that I don't end up getting so confused.
Right now, I'm starting again. And this time, I'm going to make it right.
I'll do what I love doing... I'm not going to jump into the first thing that comes up to my face.
I will make up my mind and know what I wanna do. Im gonna start NOW...really...as in NOW..
Sunday, September 26, 2004
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I'm a bit lost...*hehehe*
help me sis. This is a whole new world to me. Or maybe, you can help me fix my xanga and tabulas as well... I don't know what and how to work on xanga eh. 
baby_jem
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- Name: snuggee
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 9/10/2004
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About Me
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I LOVE GOD! :) I'm a little bit crazy. But generally I'm sane. It's easy to make me laugh or smile. I love being with kids. I love playing around with them and hanging out with little babies~Baby Matty, Baby Von,Teddy Bearie Paolo, Fishee Wishee Mark, Hunnie Wunnie David, Jeanina, Isabella, my 2 baby Seths and my soon-to-be inaanak Kirstana... I'm currently so in love with my labrador Midge and her cute little pups. I'm sweet and sentimental although, I can be sarcastic at times (hehehe)...I often find myself explaining my points, debating, if not arguing...I love to read books, write poems and create scrapbooks where I can put all my "trash"(as my mom puts it...hehe) I'm obsessive compulsive...(Do I need to expound further??) Coffee lover (Starbucks, Seattle's Best, The Coffee Bean, Figaro, Coffee Experience <they have good Irish Mocha w/ Bailey's!!)...doesn't matter)...I love Gonuts Donuts and Bizu too... I love TGIF's chicken fingers in honey mustard sauce. (YuMMmY) I c
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