1. Never passing on your own problems onto your children.
2. Actually cleaning your room.
3. Organize the important things in your life and throw out the rest.

\ \ \ THE NEED FOR IMMORTALITY
Terrorists of my dreams.

I had a dream last night. I was on a plane, and it was hijacked by terrorists. In fact they were religious fundamentalists with the intention of using that jet to fly into a building. I noticed my body (in reality) twitched. In my dream I was dashing to kick some terrorist ass.

In my mind (of my dream) I recalled these words of mine: “I will NOT let you make me a statistic. I will NOT let you satisfy your selfish desires to destroy lives. I will NOT let you take away my right to build a better world.”

But these were selfish reasons. I wanted to live, and I had a strong conviction to keep living. I say this because it was only a few years ago that I remember telling myself I did not fear death. But even if that was true, I think it was because I did not value my life. Now I want to live so strongly. I have too much work to do. I have to make her happy. I want to reconstruct social values. I want to start a philanthropic foundation. I want to publish magazines. Whatever it is, I want to do these things before Death consumes me. My need for immortality is to see these dreams remain alive.

Vain, but intriguing.

\ \ \ VISITING A CEMETARY FOR THE FIRST TIME

One year ago today, Tài “YodaBruin” Phan passed away at a tender age of twenty-one, by an event that would corrupt the potential goodness of his life’s impact onto others. I was in Việt Nam the day he died, so I wasn’t able to bury my last sentiments with him. Everyday we speak words that briefly live in the moment, die, and then ascend into heaven.

I met his family for the first time by chance today—a good thing too, since I forgot my umbrella, and was about to become drenched in the rain (not that that matters)—and in my broken Việtglish, tried to introduce myself. Maybe it was a comfort for his mother to know that there was one more person in this world who cares. After his grandfather graced Tài with prayers, we ended with “amen”, that single utterance that symbolized my personal commitment to God that I will take up the banner that Tài once held. Push on we must. Fulfill our dreams we will.

Whatever words I told him today is for his ears alone. May the lilies I’ve laid over him afford some comfort for him, if the deer don’t eat it first.

\ \ \ A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS

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\ \ \ THE THIRD COUNSELOR MEETING

Just two issues to contend with. Assertiveness? That isn’t a problem really. First, I have this need to find people with the same mindset I do. Yeah, real easy!  It’s this need to hear and tell stories. But it’s not really about finding people with stories. I am searching for people who share in my interest: scoping for stories. The kind of people who regard Joseph Campbell as a hero with the hero’s journey idea. And all that stuff I said about what qualities constitute a friend; it’s true, but I forgot one more quality, and that is we have the same vision, moving in the same direction. Searching for and telling stories. Maybe that’s the most important quality in a friendship.

The second issue is my inability to focus. I think I can focus extremely well when I have a passion for it. Which begs the question, just what exactly that I do that I can focus so well? My guess is that I do things that coincide with my approach to life. And one can say that it’s a kind of style you develop. Maybe the reason I procrastinate so much on my homework is because I never tried applying my style to the assignment. So I’m going to guess what my styles are:

1. Simple. Clear. Logical. Orderly. Structured. Enumerated. The kind of style I employ because when I have to reread it, I hate thinking twice. This is my efficient quality.

2. Chaotic. Emotional. Incoherent. Correctible. The kind of style I use because I hate planning. I figured everything can be done at some point in time, so why make schedules? I view life as a string rather than sand through an hourglass. Dishes can be washed later, because they’ll eventually be washed. This is my procrastinatory quality.

3. Ever seen a painting within a painting? Or read anecdotes within a story? It’s infinite recursion. It’s my need for perfection, vững tiến, constant progression. Behind every decision is a reason, and behind every reason is another reason. I keep going up the ladder until I find the ultimate reason (or I choose the ultimate reason when I give up). This is my perfectionist quality.

4. I sometimes write two stories on the same page next to each other. They tell the same event, but from two different minds and perspectives. It’s usually arranged in two columns, the left column recalling his perspectives, and the right column recalling her perspective. It’s your ability to place yourself in the other person’s shoes. It’s your ability to see differently for the same thing. It’s my interpretative quality.

5. And I have this need to be unique. If we all did the same thing, we wouldn’t learn anything new. Maybe I am at the edge of evolution, where natural forces don’t necessarily play a role in the mutation of a certain species, but instead where people, the human species, choose a mutation for themselves. We’re probably the only animal that is modifying its own genetics and behavior by its own choice. This is my nonconformist quality.

Welp, I guess I’m a procrastinator by nature. Can’t really change that!  And now to find stories to post!