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| it's june. don't forget it.tonight at least five of my friends punched me. i asked them to. and i say at least five because i'm really drunk, and there could have been more. i need to see the pain made physical, of the way you make me feel when i've been stood up. twice. you've stood me up twice, and there's almost nothing more hurtful in this world than that. i thought we had something beginning here, and now i don't know what to do.
i drank a lot and smoked a couple cigarettes and have been punched at least thirty times, and i'm still needing more. i need more vices and pain to remind me this is why my heart has been locked up for almost three years, because some girl like you, who wasn't planning on making me sad came along and did. and i'm sick of it. i don't need that. i'm not the girl you stand up. i want romance, i want to pick strawberries with you and watch movies at night, but you don't know that because you stood me up twice. so there. it's july, i've been stood up twice in a row, and damn, by tomorrow i better not have forgotten this because i hate how much it hurts.
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| i said it didn't mean anything to me so it didn't matter. but it seems that it did, and i'm mad that i've been used, again. you do it so casually. i can't help being mad, and i don't want to be, but i do, and it's exhausting.
did i fuck up our relationship? i don't know if i even care. i probably do, or at least i will tomorrow. tomorrow.
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| An unpromising beginning.
I didn't do very much work this weekend, and now I feel that fall break will really be catch up time. I hate that. And I'm freaking out about my assignments due this week, and what I'll do in the future. I had a lot to say before I signed on here, and now I have nothing.
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| [WGG Test]
Sometimes I really question what is being taught to me in film school. Today we watched a film called, "WGG Test" which stands for Wild Girls Gone. My professor hadn't seen this film, but a classmate had brought it in because we talked about the filmmaker in the last class. What ensued was one of the most gratuitously inappropriate pieces of work I have ever watched. A group of beautiful, scantily dressed young women that were partying out on a boat hacked off, with much difficulty, the limbs of an overweight man. They were covered in fake blood and shallow laughter. It was sick. The film commented on what art is.
I know I want to create conceptual art, to me my work means nothing if there is no bigger idea involved, my story just becomes words lining a piece of paper. I need concept. I often wonder if my work lacks artistic value because it is not valued as "aesthetic." But what does it really mean to be aesthetically accepted as high art? If I say it is, it can be thought of as such. All I need to do is say so. Sometimes I think my work isn't that great, only its idea. | | |
| [A Timely Manifesto]
It has come to our attention that the passage of time, thought of as outside the boundaries of man’s control, should now be unveiled from its cloak of mystery as a creation of man’s and the very reason for our lack of progress and eventual demise as individuals and as a collective.
We have peaked. No longer do we accomplish more things at one time but rather spend small amounts of focus over a longer period of time to finish everything at once instead of dealing with each separately. Our checklists grow into subcategorized columns of tasks that shall slowly be worked at with all at once.
Speed of progress will not continue any more. The ability to measure time has become the sole indicator of our successes—if we complete a task in a certain amount of time. The quality of our efforts and how much we complete in that time does not matter because we have no time left to do anything more, so we simply move on.
The stress of our daily lives makes retirement all the more appealing, but why? Because we are stressing ourselves out over the idea of time. We must stop submitting to the multi-tasking madness of post-modernism before we find ourselves in regression!
Clocks, timers, calendars all objects that “help” us keep track of time, should be discarded! We should not rely on such things to remind us of the many things we “should” be doing, we will finish them all in due time. A rush for deadlines sacrifices quality. If incentive to complete something needs to be found because you are no longer a procrastinator, find it in the name of humanity’s need to succeed, the benefit to humanity of your well-thought out ideas, and your own ability to find enjoyment in times of leisure.
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