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Friday, July 18, 2008

  • Fulfillment of our desires may complicate our lives

    Yesterday I argued that Internet love demonstrated the inadiquacy of Plato's account of love.  It would seem from the Plstonic view, that Internet love would be closer to the Platonic ideal than a love which involves a physical presence, precicely because Internet love does not require physical presence.  But my experience of Internet love with Kat demonstrates the problem with the Platonic view. 

    In face to face love, we engage in a far different set of social transactions than we use in internet relations. Behaviors that would be unconscionable were the lover prresent, may be forgivable on the Internet. Internet relationships are not constrained by the ordinary circumstances of human life. We may indeed have a greater vulnerability to love on the internet, but internet love is often unlikely to lead to practical outcome because of like circumstance constraints. Indeed it may be one easily solved life circumstances that lead some people to seek out love on the Internet. Internet love may be no more than an escape from stress caused by life circumstances. If so making the relationship face to face may actually compound rather than diminish the stress.

    Desire may not be well matched to personal identity. Fulfillment of our desires may complicate our lives. A relationship that looked so attractive on the internet may quickly flounder on the sea of practical life. Indeed, practicality may prove to be so great a constraint, that it it become impossible to meet face to face, even when the internet lovers live in the same city. It is my sad duty to give my readers the sad news that internet love is seldome the royal road to happiness. Take care, for the unwary internet love may be a royal road to pain.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

  • Falling in love and other mysteries

    As an older man, now in retirement, I have a chance to follow interests. I learn things too. One of the things I am still interested in finding is love. Love is not that difficult to find actually, but it is difficult to keep. I have had several internet love affairs, and I must say that Internet love is an excellent was to study the phenomenology of love affairs, without finding its substance. Thus we can learn a good deal about love from Internet affairs but we are less than likely to to find a face to face relationship that brings us love in the long run.

    The philosopher Plato was the first to recognize that we fall in love with our own pre existing ideas, which we project on the beloved. Plato suggested that the beloved was an imperfect representation of an ideal beloved. The imperfection of the beloved reflects the reality of a material world in which the ideal can never be achieved. We know of the ideal because before our birth our souls existed in the world of ideal forms. Thus for Plato falling in love was evidence of the existence of that realm of ideal forms. For Plato what we really love is beauty in its ideal form. We come to a true understanding of ideal nature of our love by the route of assent which the priestess Diotima’s described in Plato's Symposium:

    “The man who would pursue the right way to this goal must begin, when he is
    young, by applying himself to the contemplation of physical beauty, and, if he is properly
    directed by his guide, he will first fall in love with one particular beautiful person and
    beget noble sentiments in partnership with him. Later he will observe that physical
    beauty in any person is closely akin to physical beauty in any other, and that, if he is to
    make beauty of outward form the object of his quest, it is great folly not to acknowledge
    that the beauty exhibited in all bodies is one and the same. When he has reached this
    conclusion he will become a lover of all physical beauty, and will relax the intensity of
    his passion for one particular person, because he will come to despise such a passion and
    regard it as of small account.”

    Thus for Plato the leason to be drawn from falling in love is that it is beauty and not the person that we are in love with.

    Fantasy and imagination lie at the heart of falling in love, and fantasy and imagination are abundantly present in any internet relationship. That is why falling in love is so easy on the Internet. Yet contrary to Plato it is the very imperfect nature of the imaginary love we encounter when we fall into love that causes our suffering. My Internet love Kat avoided meeting me for the two years of our relationship. I wrote of her:

    "Still no word from Kat. I know how to cope with that. Kat and I are a little like soul mates, or half soul mate might be might be more accurate. The other half of her soul does not always seem to be headed in the same direction that I am. But she shares half of her soul with me, and thus she will never go very far away even if she wants to."

    "The less I expect, the less I will be disappointed, but then I should not expect to have my needs meet. Here is the paradox, near and distant, giving much but to little, ever the receding horizon. Gone when expected, here again. Offering everything only to prove that it was all an illusion."

    "Professing love, yet without a real kiss. Offering her heart, but still not her body. To see not, to hear not, to smell not, and yet the sweetest words are offered on occasion, and then withdrawn into silence. It is a chimera that i chase, and illusiion and nothing more, but say that to my heart. Perhapse the secret of Canadian safety is that they have mastered the art of hiding."

    "Love offers at first a seemingly endless fount of joy, but when she cannot be found only anguish burst forth. Aginst love I complain, in the end it only offers me shadows and smoke. There is no flame."

    "There is nothing there, and yet. A ghost at night in the dark. Alone I find peace. May I not find in hope misery, but comfort and happiness."

    Thus it was not the embodiment of love with I found imperfect, but the fact that my love for Kat came far to close to realizing the Platonic ideal. For Plato what we really seek in love is an intellectual passion fot the idea of perfect beauty, not a flesh and blood person.

    There are many things that are missing from Plato's account of love, and perhaps the most significant is the giving and receiving of care. Platonic beauty neither gives nor receives care. Yet Plato understood the human need for love requires fulfillment in another. He wrote: “Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.”

    There is more in love that a desire for physical beauty. There is a desire to hear the voice of the other, to feel the touch of the other and yes to see the other. The presence of the other is very much a part of love.  It was the part of love that I lacked with Kat, and the part of Love that would bring me fulfillment.

    Physical passion can lead us into a caring relationship. In such a relationship love for a single person can last and bring fulfillment into our lives. It is quite possible to be in love, and not find fulfillment in the relationship. Kat brought me happiness, but not fulfillment. And I always knew that it would end. In my relationship with Kat there was no future, only a coming to an end that would happen one day.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

  • The illusion of love and control

    My former wife "I" had many good characteristics, but unfortunately those good characteristics were fatally flawed by assumptions she made about relationships that grew out of her insecurities.  Here assumptions were high;ly inconsistant, and highly distructive to our relationship.  Those assumptions included the notion that she was entitled not only to brooded about past things that had once made her unhappy.  For her the past was never settled.  The second assumption was that if she was unhappy abouit anything she had a right to hurt me.  She reasoned this way:
    If I am unhappy about something it is someones fault, and if it is someone's fault, they have mistreated me, and if they have mistreated me, I have a right to be angry, and if I have a right to be angry, and if I am angry I have a right to hurt the person who is responsible for my anger. 

    This way of thinking can be disasterous for a marriage.

    There was another significant problem with my wife. She did not respect my boundries. She wanted to take over important from me, She wished to take over many decisions from me that effected my health and my life style.  In effect, in many respects she treated me as a child rather than an adult. If I tried to argue, she became unhappy, and this lead to the sequence of events I described as the consequences of her unhappiness.

    There were other problems that grew during my 23 years of marriage. She questioned and mistrusted my judgement on many matters. During the last few years of our marriage she was in effect finantially cheating our marital community, and lying to me to cover the cheating.  She established major roadblocks to communications about our marital problems.  She always insisted that I was solely the blame for our marital problems and our poor communications. 

    When I finally offered her some literature on marital communications, she told me that it contained good informations, but she did not put the ideas into practice. She continued to prevent conversation about any issue in which she might be required to take responsibility for the problem and any solution for it. The opnly satisfactory outcome of any conversation about our marital problems was that I acknowledge the sole blame for the situation. Paradoxically if I offered to take responsibility for problem solutions, that tended to make her more angry.

    Lesson, In order for our marriage to work I needed to protect my right to make decisions as an adult. I had an illusion that she wants to take care of me because whe wants to make my decisions.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  She wanted to render me helpless.  It was an illusion that she was showing me love by trying to control me.  She would have showed me real love by sharing with me her concerns, and treating me like an adult.

Friday, July 11, 2008

  • John Wiley Price's Black Hole

    Dallas County Commissioner John Wiley Price, got into it this week when he accused fellow County Kenneth A. Mayfield of making a racially insensitive comment. In discussing a problem with the county central collections office Mayfield referred to the office as as black hole. This is hardly the first time John Wiley has made a fool over himself and it probably won't be the last. The real black hole is between Price's ears!

Sunday, July 06, 2008

  • Racial Mixing in The South East

    The mixed racial heritage in the American South East originated in the 17th labor system of the Virginia colony. The initial labor system in Virginia involved the use of indentured servants. The original Virginia economy was based on Tobacco farming, and tobacco is a labor intensive crop. The system of Indentured service existed in England, and became the basis for the first labor system in the United States. An indentured servant is a person who is contracted to work for a given period of time. There are obligations on both sides of the contract. The way the Virginia system worked was for a young man in England to sign a contract for servitude. The young man was then transported to Virginia, and the contract for his service was sold, usually to a farmer. Fairly early on, people who were not English got involved in the system. We have records of Black Africans being sold in Virginia in 1619. Now the first Africans in Virginia would have been regarded as indentured servants, rather than chattel slaves. Native Americans were also brought into the system early on, in considerable numbers. Finally, a number of Asians appear to have been indentured servants in Virginia or Maryland. Thus we have in the bonded servant class of Virginia individuals of extremely diverse backgrounds. The question thus concerns to what extent did these individuals contribute to the gene pool, and whose gene pool did they contribute too?

    We know that indentured servants were more likely to be men than women. Thus the servant as servant of as freed man, would be concerned to find a wife. Women were scarce in colonial Virginia. Native women however were available, both among the bonded servants and among native Americans who continued to live in proximity and within predominately European communities of Virginia. In addition, some black and anglo women were also present in the bonded servant class. Thus we have a condition in which a newly freed bondsman who wished to find a wife, would have few English Women to chose from. Native America women who either lived as bonds women, or lived in proximity to white Virginias were also spousal candidates. In addition, the more adventuresome of the newly freed bondsmen might have another option by which a native wife might be acquired. Travel among more distant Native American communities, either in trade or as hunters could have brought the adventuresome former bondsman into contact with available native women.

    The warlike habits of some native tribes like the Cherokees, meant that men often died in war. Thus nubile Cherokee women were in surplus. The Cherokee tribal leadership were extremely sophisticated people who had a demographic policy. Southeastern tribes had been decimated by disease, war and slavery during the the 17th and 18th century. Many tribes had broken up under the pressure. The Cherokees had suffered a population decline due to disease, but realized that they could augment tribal numbers by integrating people who came their way into the tribe. They did this by assimilating the broken remains of Southeastern tribes into the Cherokee nation. People of African ancestry were added to that number, first as frees bondsmen and escaped slaves, but later as slaves. In addition to the tribalization of many husbands of Cherokee Women, some Cherokee women left the tribe to join their husbands in white communities.

    Thus from the very start, a society of freed formerly bonded servants in Virginia and later in other parts of the southeast, emerged in which race was not a factor in finding a spouse, or in determination of kind folks. Skin color played a lesser role in the determiniation of social identity than is usually assumed to be the case. Europeans, Native peoples and people of African ancestry did intermarry, and kinship by marriage was recognized. Racial lines were not fixed as later became the case. Thus people of mixed ancestry could form communities with people of purely European ancestry. In addition, thousands and perhaps tens of thousands of European and Afrucan-Americans were related to the Cherokee and other tribes by recognizable lines of kinship including ancestry. By intermarrying with people of both European and African ancestry, the Cherokees had defined themselves as a people who were native by language and tradition, but not entirely by ancestry. And even as the adopted people into the tribe, the Cherokees increasingly adopted customs, ideas and economic patterns. What set the Cherokees and the other "civilized tribes" of the Southeast apart from other native communities, was their dynamic response to their changing circumstances, as European "civilization" increasingly encroached on the land. The Cherokees were able to adapt because they recognized the limits of the otherness of others.

    The mixed racial heritage of East Tennessee was never entirely lost for several reasons. The East Tennessee economy was relatively underdeveloped at the time of the Civil War. Because it was different, East Tennessee did not adopt the Southern Labor system. Labor in East Tennessee was free labor, and thus East Tennessee was more open to the Party of free labor after the Civil War, that is East Tennessee became after 1865 forever Republican. Kinship played a more important role in East Tennessee than status. Thus the ancestry of kinfolk was secondary to the kinship. Thirdly, people lived together in community without sorting each other out by race.

    It is my contention then that racial mixing in the South East, and by South East I would include, Virginia, Kentucky, Noerth Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Georgia was common from the 17th century onward, and that by the middle of the 19th century large numbers of people who were identified by their communities as "white" actually had mixed ancestry. This was common knowledge in some but by no means all South Eastern communities.

    Among the people of mixed ancestry in East Tennessee, only the Melugeons appeared to have acquired a seperate identity. Yet it is clearly questionable if Melugeons were ever thought of as distinctly "other" by their neighbors. I knew individuals who carried distinctive Melugeon names in the Cumberland Mountain areas of Anderson and Campbell Counties in Tennessee some 40 years ago. In a period of less awareness, I was simply never aware of identity issues. But at sometime starting in the early 19th century and extending into the early 20th century, such issues arose from time to time. Indeed by the Mid 20th century, the Melugeons were not were not physical "others" at all. Generations of intermarriage with "White" neighbors had removed all but the slightest hint of non-European ancestry.

    I suspect that the very notion of a separate Melugeon identity was a part of a dodge. People became Melugeons so that they would not be labeled something else. The Melugeons clearly did not want to be identified as either Native Americans or as people of African ancestry. The Melugeons were not the only group who engaged in such dodges. The "Lumbee Tribe" of North Carolina, was a group that employed the dodge that they were really Native Americans, rather than people of mixed African Ancestry. Research suggests that the Lumbees, like most Americans with African ancestors have mixed ancestry. The Lumbee ancestors are said to be slightly more African than European, with some native ancestors thrown in, their European heritage comes through their maternal linage. It is not without interest that Johnny M. Hunt, a member of the Limbee tribe was elected this June to be President of a religious body that is closely tied to Southern White identity, the Southern Baptist Convention.

bartoncii

  • Visit bartoncii's Xanga Site
    • Name: Charles
    • Country: United States
    • State: Texas
    • Metro: Dallas
    • Birthday: 7/20/1942
    • Gender: Male
    • Member Since: 7/4/2004

About Me

  • Plato understood the human need for love requires fulfillment in the presence of another. He wrote: “Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.” There is more in love that a desire for physical beauty. There is a desire to hear the voice of the other, to feel the touch of the other and yes to see the other. The presence of the other is very much a part of love.  Physical passion can lead us into a caring relationship. In such a relationship love for a single person can last and bring fulfillment into our lives. It is quite possible to be in love, and not find fulfillment in the relationship.

Pulse

  • Don't dump me she says, Don't dump me, I know I am being difficult.  But I need you.  I want   you.  Then one day she dumps you.
  • If you cannot be saints of knowledge, at least be its warriors. They are the companions and forerunners of such sainthood. -Nietzsche
  • It is better to be hopeless and to face reality, than to continue to cling to an unrealistic hope that only brings pain.

Chatboard (2)

  • Palestinian_Fo_Lyfe
    Hey sawp charles, We have a lot in common. I love politics and everything. Im actullay not a regular normal person but ye.
  • msmae21
    Very interesting. I like it!
    • Posted 9/21/2007 6:07 PM
    • by msmae21