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Sunday, March 16, 2008

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

  • so what makes you smile deep inside???

    man.. im surprised my xanga still exists...
    anyhoo...

    so i was inspired to update.. and just type a little.. kind of like a journal.. just one that others could see...
    sometimes you just have to put on paper (or xanga in this case) some of the things you feel.. so here goes..

    warning.. rambling ahead

    so what makes you smile deep inside??? you know.. there are those moments.. when your face just rips apart with a smile.. not because you are laughing hysterically.. but you just smile and deep inside your heart.. you are so pleased and happy... that kind of smile...
    so.. i wasn't thinking about what makes me smile.. but i just had one of those moments.. and immediately i thought about other things/situations that do..

    as some of my xanga readers (probably most.. because only my closest friends would actually read through all of my xangas.. hahaha)  know that i have decided to go to seminary rather than law school... and that i am currently battling my dad about that constantly.. anyhoo.. so i just got back from missions.. and this sunday our team is sharing about our experience there.. i as the leader asked one of my students to share a testimony... and i told him that i wanted him to concentrate on how through the missions trip... he was able to personally experience God's glory.  through God's creation, through the first nations people, etc.  and as i was explaining this to him... he started to respond and say.. well for this.. i can talk about this.. so me being the leader that i am.. started telling him.. you should pray about it first.. and then think about it.. and then put it on paper... and he immediately responded by saying.. i already did... i did that a lot when i got back home.. i thought about the whole trip a lot.. and prayed about it...
    and immediately.. this immense smile came across my face.. and i was so happy... so just blessed.. and i realized.. that moments like those is what i live for.. to see the youth.... our future leaders.. experience God in such a powerful way that they are moved to pray and think about how Glorious our God is... that when one of my JG kids expresses so honestly how GOOD GOD is to them.. i just sit and smile.. =D

    so i think im going to stop there.. but also mention.. when i cook something and someone just devours it.. just kills it with vigor... that makes me happy tooo... =D
    anyhoo.. that shall be the end of my random xanga blabbering...
    have a good one!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

  • havent updated in awhile... thought this was interesting

    Your Five Factor Personality Profile
    Extroversion:

    You have high extroversion.
    You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
    You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
    Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"

    Conscientiousness:

    You have medium conscientiousness.
    You're generally good at balancing work and play.
    When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
    But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

    Agreeableness:

    You have high agreeableness.
    You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
    Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
    You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.

    Neuroticism:

    You have low neuroticism.
    You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
    Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
    Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

    Openness to experience:

    Your openness to new experiences is medium.
    You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.
    But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.
    You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

  • haven't updated in awhile.. thought this was interesting...


    <table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#BFE9FF" align=center>
    <font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'>
    <strong>Your Five Factor Personality Profile</strong>
    </font></td></tr>
    <tr><td bgcolor="#DEF4FF">
    <center><img src="http://images.blogthings.com/thefivefactorpersonalitytest/personality.jpg" height="100" width="100"></center>
    <font color="#000000">
    Extroversion:<br />
    <br />
    You have high extroversion.<br />
    You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.<br />
    You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.<br />
    Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"<br />
    <br />
    Conscientiousness:<br />
    <br />
    You have medium conscientiousness.<br />
    You're generally good at balancing work and play.<br />
    When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.<br />
    But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.<br />
    <br />
    Agreeableness:<br />
    <br />
    You have high agreeableness.<br />
    You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.<br />
    Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.<br />
    You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.<br />
    <br />
    Neuroticism:<br />
    <br />
    You have low neuroticism.<br />
    You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.<br />
    Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.<br />
    Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.<br />
    <br />
    Openness to experience:<br />
    <br />
    Your openness to new experiences is medium.<br />
    You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.<br />
    But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.<br />
    You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.
    </font></td></tr></table>
    <div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/thefivefactorpersonalitytest/">The Five Factor Personality Test</a></div>

Friday, January 19, 2007

  • entries in consecutive days?? wow

    what a rude awakening

    i learned something truly amazing tonight...
     
    my family situation has never been great.. not even good..
    my relationship with my father has never been good either.. i would have to classify it in this way.. terribly frustrating...
    and through an incident that was really stupid.. tempers flared and my entire relationship with my dad and our whole family situation almost came crashing down... threats to move out from my dad to screaming profanities calling me worthless and telling me to move out.... all blown up in a situation that looked all too familiar...
    it ended initially with my father telling me he couldnt forgive me even though i asked him 3 separate times...

    it ended with where i am now...
    of course i called a friend.. and although i complain sometimes that i dont have many friends my age.. i know i have a handful of brothers and sisters that would at all times take a phone call from me if i needed it.... and one of my boys for life was there to listen... and usually in that situation in which the listener wouldn't be able to understand... he/she would tell me its ok.. that i just have to fight.. and although he did... his simple words to pray and be humble led me to a serious chat with God... and before where i couldn't see my faults and my selfishness..  i finally saw how in the past year or so.. i have been the most selfish that i have ever been...

    in the pasti have always loved giving... but i slowly began to realize that i no longer enjoyed it.. i first considered what i had to do.. how much it would cost me (time, money, energy, etc), what the gain would have been, etc... from a person who always had trouble saying no... i became a person who couldnt say yes without considering all of the different factors... and tonight... with my dad's ridiculous rampage and obscene and outrageous statements... i think he finally got across maybe what he had been trying to get across (just not in a clear way)... that when it boils down to it... the "thing" that he saw in me that he didnt like.. was that i was selifsh and only chose to love what i loved.. what was convenient, what was easy... and anything that came hard or difficult i simply shyed away from or avoided... and that was that "thing" that my dad couldn't pin-point about a month and a half ago...

    what a rude awakening
    i apoligized... i sat there on my knees and begged for forgiveness... realizing that all this time.. i held on unfairly to my past and blasted my dad with it always.. and although as i was listening i found myself saying.. man.. he (my dad) doesn't even realize how much hurt i have gone through... i finally realized.. i gotta let go... and love my family..
    my family has always played second fiddle in my life.. plain and simple.. second-string.. it never really got the time of day.. and my dad especially... although lately little bit here and there i considered doing nice things for my stepmom and brother.. i never came through.. but i never even considered doing anything for my dad... lovin him like i kep telling myself i was trying to do.. church.. work.. school.. friends.. the "important" things to me.. i loved and gave effort to... my family... nah.. nothing.. and from now on it changes... i will ACTIVELY love them... love my dad... show him he matters to me...
    how much HURT + PAIN that must have been...to know that his only son looks at him only for his past mistakes and really doesn't even care deeply in his heart for him... and although he has given so much (in my dads eyes... working and providing are the only things that matter) i never saw what he gave.. just what he lacked...
    i understand...
    that he has tried..although it might not seem like it.. he has.. and i think tonight.. i have finally forgiven him.. and am trying to move on... in his crazy mind he has given everything... working his butt off and providing.. through physical pain and emotional scarring...

    I'm sorry dad... please forgive me...

    and just as our Heavenly Father does.. i will forgive and put it all in the past...forgive and forget.. as far as the east is from the west i will put your mistakes in the past.. and look to what i have... 8 months to truly show you i love and care for you before i go to school... before i begin the next phase of my life... to be the son that i have never been.. and although you really haven't been the best dad... i will be the best son i can be... help me to try... im sorry..

    How awesome God is.. how myteriously He works.. through little things as even having an older korean lady get hired at work and asking me if i help out the restuarant to all of the messages and themes at church centering around forgiveness God was trying to show me through my family how i had been... how far from His character i had been... no wonder 2006 in most part had so much struggle and strife... thats what happens when you turn your back on the LORD... but i understand.. THANK YOU LORD...


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bbancewannabe

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    • Name: TreeTrunk
    • Country: Botswana
    • Gender: Male
    • Member Since: 12/2/2003

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