Well, I'm still trying to get used to this new Xanga. I've been spending way too much time on MySpace. Reconnecting with old friends is fun, but after awhile it just reaffirms to you why they are "Old Friends." Because you generally have very little - if anything - in common any more, else you would still be friends, instead of old friends.

So that's my life to the last month or so. Up til then, I'd been doing a whole lot of nothing. I read back over some of my old posts - and it is apparent that I was doing a whole lot of nothing.

So I started doing something...something I never thought I'd do. And it's funny because I have found that the majority of the things in my life that I never thought I'd do are the most rewarding things I've ever done. For example, I always thought that people who scrapbooked were just really bores...until I scrapbooked. I always stared curiously at birdwatchers wondering how boring their lives must be that they are WATCHING BIRDS. Until I discovered just how fun it is to find them in unexpected - or even better...photo-worthy - places. I never understood why people would read instead of just watching the movie...until I took the time to read the book. Now I understand.

I have had a similar experience here recently with the "organic" movement. I put organic in quotes because a lot of the "organic" crap out there is so not organic. But I won't go into that. I always thought people who bought all that stuff were just WAYYYYY to paranoid. I mean, the human body is durable. It can take a lickin' and keep on tickin'. I always kinda looked at people who grew their own vegetables and used herbal medicine as weirdos who just needed a cause to feel important.

And really, I can't document how those feelings changed. Even when I think hard about it, I can't come up with an answer. All I can say is that several - many - different forces and people and sources of information all kinda converged on me at the same time. Kind of like the universe saying all at once, "YOU - ARE - GOING - THE - WRONG - WAY."  Like a cosmic traffic cop or something.

I guess it just hit me one day - how much of our life and resources - we spend on really ridiculous stuff. Even buying organic - and I'm not knocking it here - is not really organic. It's obviously better than supporting companies that spray toxins on our veggies or put detergent in baby products, but is it really what organic means? Maybe to some, and like I said, I'm NOT knocking that at all. But to me, it makes NO sense to pay more for something that is totally natural.

So as I was pondering this, I asked myself if I could do better, and I answered myself (I do that sometimes) with a resounding yes. So I talked to DH, and we decided that yes, we could do just as well. Maybe not immediately, but we can learn. We are intelligent people. So we planted a garden. Well, we're PLANTING a garden. Still in the process. Now that's organic.

Since our decision, we have spent most days out in the yard preparing raised beds and researching the extension office website and reading about organic gardening. Yes it is ALOT of work, but we are having alot of fun, and so are the kids. Once I started realizing that I COULD do these things...I've gotten even more excited about finding other more natural ways of living life - cutting out consumer products and trips to Wal-Mart.

I've been experimenting with soapmaking and herbal rinses, learning to make herbal tinctures and teas, composting, and researching other - more healthy and homemade - alternatives to the lifestyle we've been living to now. I have even decided to use my old crochet skills (that I never thought would come in handy) to learn to make some items of clothing. I guess I'm one of those weirdos now...

Rhino took a picture of the newly planted seedlings on the ledge behind my bed. I found out later that I should have started them in smaller containers, but they are budding now, so I guess nature continues to prevail against human ignorance. But hey, it's organic!

A friend of mine actually coined the phrase above, but it is so fitting for days like today. The indescribable discomfort of just being is sometimes very overwhelming. Sometimes I feel like every day is another journey against the grain. Sometimes I just want to totally let go and let the river of life float me to wherever. Why is that so hard?

Have you ever had one of those moments where you step back from your life and all at one moment, you can see everything from a totally new perspective? It's almost as if you've seen all the pieces, but you finally see the whole puzzle and you realize that everything fit together just like it was supposed to? Those are truly great moments.