Oh. Wow. Conviction. *blinks* My whole life, I’ve been content to get by with salvation. Since I know Christ has decided to love me for eternity, I’ve never seen the urgency to build a personal relationship with him now. ....Yes, I know it’s important – but so are the other things in life. Right? ....Yes, I want it – but there are so many short term indiscretions I’d rather wait to give up. Every time someone talks about being happy in Christ alone, I flinch. (ie. a recent chapel message.) Not much, but I do. It’s not that I love other things more than Him…
...but at the moment, there are other things in my life I need to be happy – grades, career success, relationships, etc. Yes, I'm supposed to be using those to further his mission on earth... But without those things, I know I’d be unhappy. So instead, they're getting in the way of my relationship WITH Him. It’s weird – nowhere does the Lord ask me to give up those things… only to shift my source of joy from them completely on to him completely. So simple. And I can’t do it. *WHAM* – God speaks. I thought my current problems were being caused someone else’s indecision. Forget that. …my current problems are God’s current problems with me. He’s making it painfully obvious: “You’re asking of others what you refuse to give to God himself.” Ouch. Ok. Hold everything, I've got another lesson to learn. … ….. ……… PS - Here’s a related poem written by Adelaide Anne Procter that someone randomly mailed to me yesterday (God's timing). It hit me on a number of levels and is titled (somewhat ironically): “A Woman’s Question” Before I trust my fate to thee,
Or place my hand in thine,
Before I let thy future give
Color and form to mine,
Before I peril all for thee, question thy soul to-night for me. I break all slighter bonds, nor feel
A shadow of regret:
Is there one link within the past
That holds thy spirit yet?
Or is thy faith as clear and free as that which I can pledge to thee? Does there within thy dimmest dreams
A possible future shine,
Wherein thy life could henceforth breathe,
Untouched, unshared by mine?
If so, at any pain or cost, O, tell me before all is lost. Look deeper still. If thou canst feel,
Within thy inmost soul,
That thou hast kept a portion back,
While I have staked the whole,
Let no false pity spare the blow, but in true mercy tell me so. Is there within thy heart a need
That mine cannot fulfil?
One chord that any other hand
Could better wake or still?
Speak now - lest at some future day my whole life wither and decay. Lives there within thy nature hid
The demon-spirit change,
Shedding a passing glory still
On all things new and strange?
It may not be thy fault alone, - but shield my heart against thy own. Couldst thou withdraw thy hand one day
And answer to my claim,
That Fate, and that to-day's mistake -
Not thou - had been to blame?
Some soothe their conscience thus; but thou wilt surely warn and save me now. Nay, answer not, - I dare not hear,
The words would come too late;
Yet I would spare thee all remorse,
So, comfort thee, my Fate, -
Whatever on my heart may fall - remember, I would risk it all! | 
