I really don't understand what is going on with me right now.
I can't do anything right. I'm lazy with school. I'm so stressed out. I'm always sick.

I don't know what to do.
I'm stressed out because of colleges and school work and shit... and because I'm stressed... I get really sick with migraines and stuff like that... and because of my migraines I've been missing a lot of school... and because I'm missing a lot of school... I get really stressed out... It's like an ongoing cycle... it just doesnt fucking stop. and I can't fucking stand it anymore... it's driving me INSANE! I'm getting so annoyed with all of this shit, and so are my parents... but I can't seem to do anything right anymore.

I just need some advice... I just need someone to help me out here... because I am literally going insane... and getting sicker and sicker everyday...

please tell me what to do. please.

hmmm no one reads this.
But I'm feeling kind of shitty right now. Kinda need to vent. thought this could be the place to do it, maybe.
Life's okay right now i suppose... in a way... i dont know.
New classes started today... but I was sick so I didn't go to school. I have all academics, which really blows because this semester I actually have to work my ass off. and that is gonna stress me out... on top of all the stress that I already freaking have.
College is stressing me out big time, because I don't know if I'm going to get accepted, and I don't know where I'm going to be living for the next four years, and that scares the shit out of me. I need to know what I'm going to do with my life, I need to have a plan because it scares me not knowing what I'm going to be doing and where I'm going to be living in the future. And it scares me because my major is theater and... I don't even know how I'm going to make that a career... because it's highly competitive and really fucking hard to deal with because I hate competition. But I love acting and singing and it's the only thing I'm really good at... so I don't really know what I'm going to do about that. I just want to fucking get all this college shit over and done with and find out where the hell I'm going and what I'm going to be doing and how I'm going to be living and stuff. this reallly really sucks.
So that is just worrying me. A lot. I really just don't understand life sometimes, it's so confusing and frustrating and stressful.
And I know that no one reads this thing anymore. And I know that NO ONE read that entire thing. but I just needed to get it out.

yeahhhhh.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow...

soo... xanga? its kinda funny how this was the big cool thing to do and now its been taken over by myspace and facebook.

i guess something will soon come and take over myspace and facebook.

im really tired. hope everyone has a happy new year.

not like anyone reads this anyway. but okay. bye.

Chicago was Amazing.
despite some miscommunications.
The best part was the very first day on Michigan Avenue with the Chinese lady telling me to "put dee small on dee bottom and dee large on dee top and CREES-CROSS!!" hahaha.... and the italian restaurant on the very last day with our singing waiter who thought that Adam was Justin Timberlake.
I got a lot closer with people who I didn't talk to very much.
And I also got to know people's personalities better who I was really close to already.
It's actually kind of strange how 4 days with the same people can really open up your eyes.

I really miss the trip, though. It was really good. Better than the Choir Trip last year BY FAR.
Now at the end of the month is this year's CHOIR trip to Washington D.C. oh joy. I hope it's good. I'm really hoping for the best, but it doesn't look like it's topping Chicago. So far, anyway.

Try-outs for the May CoffeeHouse were today. Kate and I didn't audition because she had a track meet. So we are going to Audition tomorrow and it will be really sweet. Hopefully I can perform another song with Kati, also.
Mr. East is also tomorrow night. I guess it would be cool to go. I didn't go last year.
But then the rest of the weekend is dedicated to G.P. because I present on Tuesday at 1:40, which actually really sucks, because the only thing I've done is write my paper and I still have to make a binder filled with a gazillion pages of information... and then I have to make my powerpoint AND write my speech. Meh! But I am also including the video of me performing at the CoffeeHouse and I'm gonna explain how much I love Broadway... so that will take up like 5 minutes of my presentation, so then I only have to talk for about 10 minutes instead of 15... so I guess that could be good... haha.

Wow this was actually a really long entry.
Whoever read this... props to you.

I love you all...
Ciao <3

trish

so. life is okay.

I realized that people you think are your friends turn out to not truly be your friend.

I also realized that people are idiots and don't care about what happened to their friend but have to experience it for themselves. and get hurt that way.

whatever.

let people be stupid.

i don't want anyone running back to me telling me how right i am.

because i already know i'm right.

and p.s. nothing can ever compare.

and it makes me feel 100x better about myself. because I know that I was a prize.

whatev.