bereafruitpicker's Xanga

Friday, August 25, 2006

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 14:40:08 GMT

HOLY CRAP! SWEET JESUS! How long as it been since I updated this thing? Whew! To tell you the truth, I just plain forgot all about it. I was looking at some of my friend's Myspace, being pissed cuz a couple of them haven't updated their blogs in a long time...yea...hyprocrite, I know. Anywayz, life has been crazy-go-nuts since my last web entry. Graduation has come and gone. I said goodbye to some awesome friends....a couple whom I can't imagine being in Berea without. Time to say goodbye to 2 AM Taco Bell runs during Short Term Break, midnight Krispy Kreme cravings, and of course, the legendary Chipotle visits (wow...all of them involve food...we really are FAT in Berea). I have some fantastic friends in Berea whom I love with all my heart, but still...there's still gonna be those couple places that can never be filled. ::TEAR:: Anywayz, it's all good, cuz from what I can gather around here, a bunch of us (Me, Jo, Pat, Manders, etc) are gonna take a massive roadtrip down to New Orleans to see David and get fuckin PLASTERED! By then, I'll be legal and able to buy my own booze! Yay for alcoholics-in-training!

So this summer marked my 3rd (and maybe final) round at Hiram House Camp. This year was amazing. The PB Unit was again the strongest unit at camp. We had an amazing unit leader and fantastic counselors (including a couple of newbies). I made it a point to stop and take a look around at everything at camp. Normally, I'm so busy yelling at/chasing/restraining/drop-kicking children that I never really get the opportunity to watch and appreciate the people I work with. The kids are amazing....I can't really explain it. Underneath all the yelling and stressing and shit, I really love all those kids to death (even the ones I swear I wanna drown in Peter's Pond), and it's really my experiences at camp that made me wanna be a teacher. You form some great relationships at camp...with some of the most genuine and amazing people I've ever met. Although no year can really compare to the first summer at camp (i.e jewish/mexican jokes, PB roof theatrics, and Mongoose from Space), each year never ceases to astound me. I'm not sure where next summer will take me, but if it doesn't take me back to good 'ole Hi-Ho-Ca, here's to camp, all the people who work there, and all them little brats who run 'round there!

Highlights from this summer at camp:

The Super Pooper. Getting my nose practically broken in the pool by the a MONSTER PG. The "white-boy" dances. The Marriot Crew and hotel parties! "Um...excuse me Ms. Erika, but I just went number two on myself." Alwais and her dozens of crushes, me being one of them (DON'T THROW THE FRISBEE TO MY MAN!). The 56 friendship bracelets I made (That's right! Count 'em! 56!). The pre-camp visit from former camp all-stars. The mid-session visit from that one jewish guy...I forgot his name. Late-night jogging sessions with David to God-knows-where. Nurse Kristi and PB1 Counselor Patrick. Finally being a Biffer in the game forged by Satan himself: Biffer-Medic. Capture the Flag during Pre-camp. Yoseph....he was sooo much better this year! Belly-flopping off the Lifeguard stand into the pool. Getting my sweatsuit stripped off me and stolen while at the pool. The Honorary PB's! Avery: "Let's sing a song! WHO SAID NO?!" sleeping out at Elves Hollow. Getting to know all the newbies at camp. "EWWW! Somebody DOOKIED on the floor!" "Dear Hozay... H-O-Z-A-Y..." DRAKE DRAKE DRAKE DRAKE! Hmm....I'll probably think of some more at some point...

Alright, well...I have a lot more to type, but I gotta go take a trip to Wal-Mart now...TO BE CONTINUED....

P.S. I really want to get a tatoo this coming semester, but I have NO idea what to get or where to get it. Anybody have any suggestions???

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Tue, 21 Mar 2006 18:10:06 GMT

For all you who I am not able to see daily and for those who I are going out into the real world soon...and especially for a few of my really close friends graduating soon...you know who you are...

Blessid Union of Souls

"Peace and Love"

May every star you wish upon and every hope you're hanging on come true. Out of everybody in the world, there's no one who deserves it more than you. I hope you find everything you've been dreaming of. Only good things, no in-betweeens, just peace and love. These words did not come easily, still you know I had to write them down. You must know what you mean to me; I wish that you could always be around. I hope you find everything you are dreaming of. I'm gonna miss you, but I only wish you...peace and love. Peace and love...tears of joy...kindness of strangers. All of your roads paved in gold by guardian angels. Wherever you may be in this world, my salutation says it all. May you always have enough peace and love. I let you go unseflishly, cuz everyone needs time to be alone. Well, maybe time will bring you back, and if it does, you'll always have a home. I sign my name...no one to blame it on because I'm on your side. Question of pride. Peace and love...tears of joy...kindness of strangers. All of your roads paved in gold by guardian angels. Wherever you may be in this world, my salutation says it all. May you always have enough...may you always have enough...may you always have enough peace and love...

I love you guys!

Monday, March 20, 2006

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 23:54:54 GMT

Oh, and for those who found the previous Chuck Norris jokes funny (don't lie, I know you all chuckled a little)....

"If, when playing Scrabble, you spell out C-H-U-C-K-N-O-R-R-I-S, you automatically win....FOREVER..."

Monday, March 20, 2006

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 23:50:39 GMT

Jose's Top 10 Reasons Why It's a Wonder That Berea College Students Aren't Dead...

10.) Bad Hygiene - college students are notoriously know for rolling out of bed, throwing on a sweatshirt and flip-flops and heading to class. Our clothes haven't been washed in weeks, and no matter how many times we try, we still cannot get that Febreze smell out of our pants.

9.) Food service - salmonella and various STD's found in the sucky food...recycled trash...grade F meat...wilted lettuce...green chicken...'nuff said.

8.) Crowded Living Conditions - If one person on your floor has the flu, chances are you're going to eventually get it in some mutuated form as well. Living conditions are disgusting, at best, with dried pee on the toilet seats, leftover rotting food in the refridgerator, and randomly used dishers left everywhere.

7.) Playing "Frogger" on your way to class - having to dart between massive 4-wheelers and SUV's in the hopes of getting to the class before the teachers locks the door is a fun and creative way to die.

6.) Bad Diet - Due to the horrible food in food service, we live off of a bag of chips a day, a box of cereal a week, and rations of pop-tarts.

5.) Falling into a Ditch - Due to Berea's FANTASTIC remodeling plan, the campus is riddled with 8 feet high, 4 foot wide ditches. One wrong step, and you can kiss your ass goodbye, a search party couldn't find your ass in there.

4.) The Weather - a.k.a not wearing a jacket today because you did not expect that it would snow in the FUCKING MIDDLE OF MARCH

3.) A Culture of Fear - the constant fear of being lynched by one of the many hardcore feminist/anti-white/fundamentalist/hippy/redneck/gangsta groups on campus for being a man/white/an agnostic/shopping at Wal-Mart/changing the channel in the BET lounge.

2.) The Death Penalty - not being given the chair for having to cut the bitch down the hall that insists on yelling about Whitney Houston's new single at two in the morning.

Last, but certainly not least....

1.) Stress - Stress inhibits the body's immune system. Going by this principle, every student here should be dead if somebody sneezes...

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 21:05:55 GMT

To all you unemployed individuals, or for those of you who are in need of cash:

So I am now taking applications for a personal assistant. This position, while challenging, is a great way to meet new people and do all my shit for me. Your basic job is to take over my life and handle all of my responsibilities. You WILL be paid, if you do not mind being paid in sexual favors. Inquire within....

Sincerely,

The almost dead from exhaustion Jose

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 19:35:17 GMT

Lies, Lies, Lies, Lies, Lies!!

Monday, February 06, 2006

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 14:51:12 GMT

The Top Thirty Facts about Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya". Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane". Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids. One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited. Chuck Norris owns neither microwave nor oven. When he is hungry, he simply shouts "BAKE" to his food, and out of fear, the food instantly catches on fire Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days. Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist. Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right....

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 01:52:49 GMT

Love is just another word for pain. It's a broken record repeating the same thing. When you want it, it's not there. When you have it, you don't care. When I lose it in the end...the heartbreak, the heartache is more than I wanted. We gave up, we made up. It's not like you cared anyway. Deception, depression is all that I've got. But who said love was fair? And I've made up my mind. I'd be better off alone. Love is just a waste of time... And all the lonely nights. And all the crushing scenes. And all the pointless fights. Someone tell me what it means. Someone tell me why hearts break. Sometimes I think this things called love is another word for pain. And I'm giving up on happy endings. The ones that are only in the movies; where the guy gets the girl and everybody's happy. I think that's the way it should be. I've made up my mind: I'd be better off alone. Love is just a waste of time....

Friday, February 03, 2006

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 22:01:11 GMT

It's a lie....

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 20:12:28 GMT

Some common things that now cause me anxiety attacks...

1.) Checking my CPO to find YET AGAIN another letter from financial aid explaining how they decided to tack on an extra $800 onto my term bill because they felt like it.

2.) Checking my credit card balance to find another overdue balance

3.) Getting up in the morning to find out that the water/electric/heat/internet line was accidently cut because of the construction outside the dorm...thereby leaving me water/electric/heat/internet-less.

4.) Talking to my family....period.

5.) Walking into the bathroom of our suite to find that someone has again peed on the entire roll of toilet paper.

6.) (again) Walking into the bathroom of our suite to find that someone has again peed on the toilet seat.

7.) (and again) Walking into the bathroom of our suite to find that someone has again STOLEN all of the tissue paper.

8.) Coming back to the lunch table after putting away my tray to discover that someone.....david coffman...has licked my entire nalgene bottle....nasty

9.) Looking at the vegetarian line at food service and realizing the the corn in the hot dog/steak/rice/pinto beans/pubic hair casserole is in fact, from dinner three days ago.

AND LASTLY....

10.) Being asked how to spell my name in my education class, to which I quickly respond J-O-S-E-A....

Tune in next time to discover more shit that drives me crazy