You tell me that i can reach up and touch heaven, entertain angels and stir up your heart.

where are You now with the darkness surrounding, life's curcumstances seem so confounding.

the rythms of life come and spin me around.

the beating of hearts drown out the sound

and the distance between us will come crashing down

and your nearness will flood me.

the passion and fear, laughter and fury of Love

O how sweet will it be when he holds me again.

let me Love. let me Love. let me Love him.

when faced with the choice i'll bring all that's required

courage and sacrifice, i'll go through the fire

just to be by his side when he prays.

just to be by his side when he prays.

the passion and fear, laughter and fury of Love

O how sweet will it be when he holds me again.

let me Love. let me Love. let me Love him.

the joy in my heart from just holding his hand

i'll do all that i have to to be with this man

let me Love. let me Love. let me Love him.

knit our hearts together.

we are best friends and lovers.

come knit our hearts together

we are best friends and lovers.

let me Love. let me Love. let me Love him.

to breathe into or upon.

i like this archaic definition of the word inspire. i looked up the various ways that the word inspire can be used. there are many that can aptly and concisely describe my experiences of the day, but this one: to breath into or upon. this one stuck in my mind like the strongest adhesive. this one: to breath into or upon. there is something about today that inspired me...that breathed into or upon me....in fact, it was both. today i was breathed into and upon by the Holy One, the Life breathing one. the One who promised to breath upon these dead, dried bones and put senews on them. yes, it happened today. it happened as i lay prostrate on the living room floor feeling conquered by the beautiful insturement with ivory keys. it happened today as i cried out to my Abba, my Father for direction, for peace, for purpose and beleif.

He inspired me.

He breathed into and upon me.

He danced over me and sang over me.

i love to play for Him...to sing for Him. and i must. if i do not give Him my talents, i am forfeit. i really discovered this truth on a greater scale today. the weight of glory came as if i could hold it in my hands. there it was but for a moment only to pass through my fingers and go as if it were never there. but it was. and it left a mark. on my hands. i will play for Him.

the weight of glory. it does fall. and when it does, let us not forget to tremble.

here are the workings of a lyric:

i cannot reconcile my heart to Your ways.

i have been wandering in this desert for days and days.

give me a reason to hope again.

reach out and touch me with Your hand.

it will continue, of course. it's a journey, a cry, a desperate search. and 'it' is found. and there is much rejoicing. mmm. i need to finish this one. the music is just waiting for the right words.

well, it is late. i watched a pretty lame movie tonight...it was all sappy and sweet at the end..the guy(a looser who sleeps around and never wants anything serious and then realizes he is an idiot and is in love with his best friend...typical) gets the girl(he waits untill her wedding to say 'i love you' and she runs off with him....well, basically). hooray! i left wanting my two hours back. these kinds of movies are just sentimental and dull to me. they don't offer any kind of idea to mull over in my mind or evoke some emotion that makes me swoon...it's foolish. oh well. i guess i have just grown out of these kinds of things...either that or i am momentarily wanting to be a critic. oh well...at least i didn't pay for the ticket;)

i think it bothers me so much becuase these type of films so crudely portray true love. and because i have found true love, any ill comparison just turns my stomach. i simply know that it's not a good representation of the love i have found.

i do miss ben. i do.

goodnight!

the clouds rolled in and passed over me. i thought i would see rain but it never came. the smell of rain hung thickly in the air, and yet the rain never came. i am sure the earth was longning for it even more than i was...the earth that is saturated by the rain, it aches to mingle with the one thing that will cause life to grow up from it's porous soil and paint the atmosphere with beautiful color and texture. yet the rain never came.

it is interesting how i can anticipate something and be sure that it will happen, how everything will be set up, the curcumstances seem predictable and i assume that things will progress just as they have a thousand times before. and then they don't. it's kind of a beautiful thing to me. i cannot put any confidence in my self, in my own plans, schemes and ideas of how i think things should be. nor do i want to. i seek only His face and His ways. it's different now. this whole season of my life is different. it is all change. one thing after another...change. new. it's all new. it's all uncharted territory. a mystery. i am columbus sailing the ocean blue...haha! what is to be discovered, i have'nt a clue! :P

not sure what i am eluding to here...probably just life as a whole. marrying ben. looking for a job. ministry. pressing into the Lord. my perspective is shifting. the Lord is refining me and i am pressing in for more.

this is a classic journal entry from my mom's perspective, written in a journal to my sister. the year is 1989. my sister is two, i must be three at this time.

"when we went swimming at shiloh pool one hot summer day, we were in the baby pool.  bethany was playing with you. i was talking to a friend of mine and the second i looked away bethany had put you under water, holding you down. luckely a lady was right there to pull you up from the water! you stayed on my lap for a long time before you would go into the water again."

wow. have i always been so affectionate?? haha!

i miss ben. everything reminds me of him.

i like being home. i just wish he was here with me.

the end.