bethsbdc's Xanga

Politeness Run Amok!

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 12:19:10 GMT

Yesterday while talking to my 'friend' Dr. G, Licensed Psychologist, we revisited the fact that I have anger issues. My problem is that I'm so concerned with having people like me that I do not express my anger/disappointment and so i just pile it onto my already gargantuan pile of angst now residing just below my eyeballs. But then I got to thinking, who DOES say when they're angry? No one I can think of. I have friends who go on and on about people who annoy them but never once have I seen them express such feelings to the people who count. Of course there are the people on the street who fight with each other and we think to ourselves, "what trash." But seriously even though that's also not the best way to handle it, isn't it better than being angry all the time at everyone you know? I have a dear friend who majored in Sociology and I decided to ask her about this phenomenon. It went a little something like this:

me: I have a question for your sociology background
Sociology Major: sure thing
me: no hurry of course, but how do mature adults express anger these days?
like do people who consider themselves 'dignified' tell each other when they're angry?
I realize that might be more interpersonal than you deal with normally.
Sociology Major: in a nutshell
  sarcasm is being more and more used
  but it's not the healthiest way of communicating
me: yes.
  no it isn't
  it's basically passive aggression.
Sociology Major: exactly
  but, it appears that, with the overstimulation we get from all sources of media
  the less interpersonal we get in communicating with each other
  and the idea that you don't want to offend anyone
  (political correctness)
me: I see
  yes
Sociology Major: so sarcasm is used as a roundabout way without acknowledging anything
but yeah, like you said, healthy adult individuals say when they're angry
  but what stops most people from actually doing that is fear from what you get on the other side
me: which is weird
Sociology Major: ie - the other person doesn't act like a "healthy" adult
me: because I find the ‘blue collar’ set is more liberated to say when they're ticked. they don't always resolve their issues better but they are more likely to say, "you're an asshole" than nothing and at all for the sake of sparing feelings.
Sociology Major: ahh, the blue set
me: we all try to be polite and as a result people lose closeness because they've lost honesty
Sociology Major: and then there is the definition of saying you're angry/upset for a valid reason and the opposite of whining
  and having people confuse the two
me: yes
  so frustrating.
Sociology Major: I guess it comes down to: just suck it up, say what you feel, and on the other side: take it in and don’t be offended
me: :) I had therapy today, can you tell?

Let's try to be assertive, shall we? Sarcasm is out, Honesty is the new black.

Ok that was lame but, c'mon. Let's give it a go!

I went to the beach!

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 15:03:39 GMT

Hi friends! I have been to the beach! While I was there I found a 'toy' that ended up costing me a trip to the ER! It was exactly what I was afraid would happen to me! The freaking out over nothing, not the actual circumstances because, believe me, I'm not sure ANYONE could have dreamed this up.

On our way back to the condo from dinner, we stopped at a beach shop called Sunsations and while waiting to purchase a pair of shorts since I had forgotten to bring some, I spotted what looked like a pack of gum with one piece sticking out. It said RIGHT ON THE LABEL pull me! shock! So what did I do? I pulled it, duh! And I cannot for the life of me tell you WHY I did that. I think I thought it would be like a joy-buzzer shock. A loud noise that shocks you and then everyone laughs when you're like AHHH! I should learn to believe what I read because what happened was an actual literal shock. like felt it in my arm and in my boobs. Now granted my boobs are swollen and extremely sensitive so perhaps it was the fact that I jumped and not the electrical current running through my body that caused the discomfort but regardless, I was worried at how far that shock may have traveled. Do you think it made it into my uterus? Could it have stopped the very tiny heart inside my uterus from beating? It's only been at it for a few weeks!!! In the few days leading up to this folly I was experiencing some INTENSE back pain. And the day AFTER the pain was gone. No where to be found. So of course I was convinced I wasn't pregnant anymore. And I sobbed and I yelled at myself and was inconsolable. It didn't help that the 'warning' on the other side of the trick-gum said Do not use on children under 14 or adults over 50.

I called my OB/GYN the next day, Friday, and the nurse was out for the weekend, of course. I spoke to the Midwife instead and she said, "I'll have someone call you back but I'm pretty sure you're fine." Oh. She's pretty sure I'm fine. That should do the trick. I called a family friend who is a nurse and she joked with me and told me the baby would be really annoyed when it was born and that since I felt the shock in my boobs that my milk would spoil and all that nonsense and then told me that she was 99% sure I had nothing to worry about. Sigh. Why can't people just lie to me?

So our friend calls my mom back later and says, "Don't tell Beth I'm telling you this but you should find out the voltage on the toy because when the doctor calls back, they will ask." Meanwhile, my mom is having this conversation in the same room as me and I KNOW what she's talking about so I make her spill it. Oy. So she goes back to the Sunsations and there is nothing on the freaking thing about voltage. For good measure she tests it out on herself and because she turned 50 last year, this little thing could technically kill her. But it doesn't. So good.

Anyway we returned from Ocean City, MD on Saturday evening and Hoagey and I went directly to Methodist Hospital down the street and they did an ultrasound, the second one in 1 week if you're keeping track, and all was fine and tiny hearts were beating. Just one, actually, but that's just fine.

Above the sound!

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 10:37:01 GMT

Ultrasound one is under our belts and all is well in wombville. I think the baby has hoagey's forehead. So cute!

I have had an ovarian cyst for a year or so now. Not sure when it started exactly but it was found a year or so ago. I'm kind of hypersensitive to that region of my body so though I only had very mild symptoms, I was all over that. It was 5cm at the first US and 5.2cm at the 2nd. "Nothing to worry about," I was told. At this baby type ultrasound, it was up to 6cm. I tried not to freak out immediately and the doctor said it has basically stayed the same. I can't help but disagree because it has clearly grown 1cm! At 10cm they remove them. And if I should start getting severe sudden pain accompanied by nausea and vomiting, I should seek immediate medical attention as this is a surgical emergency involving a twisted cyst and the possible death of my ovary. Awesome.

There is something that happens to people as they study medical related fields. They read about a disease and either are convinced they have all the symptoms or they start to 'notice' the symptoms. And just because you're paranoid doesn't mean you don't have asthma and diabetes! I'm just saying. This is going to be fun.

Here's a close-up for y'all.

Here's hoping I don't freak myself into a psychogenic infection of some sort!

1st Pregnancy Dream with an actual baby in it!

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 10:48:02 GMT

WOO HOO! So last night I had a pregnancy dream. This is not unusual since I have had a dream almost every single night since we started this baby.

In the very beginning they were weird. Like BEEE-ZARRRR! One that comes to mind involves Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson. They were in a car and got into an accident and the medical team on the scene was able to save everyone but it turned out that Pete was going to die and they had just suspended his imminent death. So he was able to attend an awards show that they were on their way to at the time of the accident and give interviews about the fact that Pete was going to die. It turned out that he had smashed the car on purpose so he was trying to kill himself, basically. So that was my old brand of pregnancy dream. Completely, freaking crazy. And no baby in sight, unless you count that Ashlee and Pete were rumored to be expecting at the time (it has since been confirmed).

What made last night's dream so special is that there was a baby in this one and it was MY baby. I was nursing and it was going really well. Then I started to cough up blood and it was back to the old weird crap again. Let's hope this is the beginning of a trend. Not the blood coughing, of course.

Green Baby Bummer

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 12:53:02 GMT

Since passing the 12 week mark, I've become a little more comfortable going baby supply browsing. Hoagey and I visited a Babies R Us in NJ and I stopped by some Philadelphia Baby stores like Karl's on 8th and Chestnut and Norman's on Ye Olde Two Street. The thing I've been most interested in seeing in person are cloth diapering supplies. I must be looking in the wrong place because the selection has been slim to none in all of the previous locales. The website where I see a great selection is Tiny Tush. They have so many different diapering options it can make a person dizzy. The thing is, I'm nervous to buy something like that online because, like, what if I don't like it? It's not the kind of thing one returns. And since I don't know anyone who would be able to answer my questions, I keep hoping that the next baby store I stumble across will have what I'm looking for. My mother used cloth diapers for her babies but I'm the youngest and that was kind of a long time ago.

Even Googling diaper services in this area produced bupkis! A few companies in the burbs but nothing in the City. Does it make sense to have a person drive from Lancaster to wash my baby's poop out of a diaper in the name of the environment? I figured in a city like Philadelphia where there are so many young, enviro-conscious types there would have to be one place to get some good natural diapering advice and supplies. Maybe the Mommy-Set and the Greeny-Set just isn't overlapping like I imagined.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 14:14:27 GMT

Testing.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 14:10:52 GMT

So now that all my nausea is pretty much history and my digestion is back on track, I just need to get this awful taste out of my mouth. I think it's mostly hormonal and not just stank-mouth but is it ever unpleasant! I end up eating things just so I have something different to taste.

Not that I'm gaining any weight. I suspected that after my successful Weight Watchers run leading up to the wedding I might be putting the pounds back on quickly now that I have a bun in the ol' oven (gross). But between the queasiness and the slow moving system, I have gained no weight at all. It's almost unsettling! It was hard to transition from being almost obsessive about what I was eating and what I was weighing to, well, not. And when I was finally in the mindset where gaining weight doesn't seem so bad, I have stayed the same. My pants are not buttoning as easily and my bras stopped fitting from day 1 but I seem to have no mass to show for it.

I'm sure that in 2 or 3 months I'll be sobbing at what a cow I've become and all of you can throw this back in my face. If there are any of you out there.

Are you there?

Dear Baby,

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 09:05:02 GMT

Hello tiny one,

I am in my 12th or 13th week of pregnancy. I've waited this long to write to you because up until this point I was not feeling very good at all. Sick and exhausted and not wanting to eat. It felt very strange because I have wanted to have a baby for 10 years it seems like and I wasn't having as much fun as I thought I would.

Good news though! We're turning a corner. I'm finally hungry and ALL the time. I've been sleeping well and not needing naps as much and your father hasn't had to run to the 7-11 to get me Hot Pockets in a very long time. Yep, all good lately. Let's keep that way, shall we??

Stay safe and I'll talk to you soon,

Love,
yo mama

so what's new?

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 20:52:30 GMT

I'm emerging from what has been the most action packed year and 4 months of my life. Two Januaries ago I decided to finally go back to graduate school, because as some of you know I was a grad school drop out. I couldn't cut it the first time 'round for various reasons and knew that it was now or never... Then or never. Anyway I did it. It was an accelerated program and therefore kicked my ass, especially in the final weeks when I was hip deep in basketball season and wedding plans.

Oh yeah, I got engaged in November. I graduated in December. I planned a wedding in 4 months. Got married. Immediately I'm pregnant.

The timing of it all is kind of funny. Part of the motivation for the 4 month engagement is that I wanted to hurry up and have a baby. In my mind I'm 27 going on 37 and I've been fighting the baby fever since the ripe old age of 22. And also in my mind, there was something scary lurking in my girl parts that would prevent me from getting pregnant and thus the need to get started was even more pressing.

You may be wondering why a former Catholic such as myself would worry so much about the order of the marriage and children and I sum up my answer thusly: You can take the girl out of the Catholic church but you can't take the Catholic church out of the girl. And also I knew it would cause my mother to suffer an embarrassing social death. I guess there are deeper issues at work there too but let's stick to the brass tacks.

So far as I can tell, Hoagey and I conceived on the wedding night so there went my fear that my uterus was broken.

I'm about 12 weeks along (for those of you counting at home, the weeks of your pregnancy are determined not by the date of conception but by the date of your last period) and my baby is apparently the size of a kumquat. Or a lime or something. In the next few weeks baby will stop making me feel bloated and angry and start just making me fat and ravenous.

Can I just say that my husband is awesome? Every woman should be so lucky to have someone like him around when they are building a baby. He does it all and then some and I'm amazed not only that he's doing so much for me but that he's still doing it considering how much of a cranky biotch I can be under the influence of hormones.

ok so that's all for me. How've you been?

something for my publicity

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 16:38:15 GMT

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