I'm looking through my birthday pictures from last year. I notice I'm carrying flowers, a greasy bag of something (maybe burrito?) and a present. In subsequent pics, other people are holding these various items. Then eventually, they disappear completely from the pics.

Eugene found the flowers somewhere random a few days later, wilted and dead needless to say. As for the greasy bag, I think I ate its contents in a drunken stupor later that night. But I had no idea I was carrying a present until I noticed it in the pics today. What the heck did I do with the present? Who gave it to me? WHAT WAS IT? dammit...I wish I knew.

I'm like Jay Z. making my come back. very unsolicited. (but I never really announced my departure. oh well)

2008 has decided to be a very tough year for me. Well, not so tough as more confusing. I'm trying to live up to this ideal of being true to myself and being honest with what I want and need right now. 25 is so hard :)

I feel like I'm stuck in a limbo, with work, with relationships, with me. Stuck mid air, fading in and out in my current state, trying to advance into the next, but not knowing what the "next" is. The only constants in my life lately seem to be eating and shopping, and I'm relying on them very heavily judging by my ever-expanding waist line and credit card bills. Oh, and Walter, my loveable semi-retarded cat. Who still manages to irritate me by waking me up an hour before my alarm every morning to knead my hair into a veritable rat's nest and sit across my neck until I feed him.

I just wish I knew where I was going next.

...because it reminds me of where i'm not, what i'm not doing, where i used to be, as i sit staring at this screen, albeit very large and flat and hi-techy, within the confines of my cubicle.

August is to be the month of reunions..Yumi and Greg will be here for 2 weeks...a very much needed Japan reunion. and speaking of such, Lynetters and Elena come home. it's going to be weird...seeing them back here, knowing they just came  back from a 2 yr stint in one of the best little towns in japan. knowing they miss their students like crazy, knowing the pain and heartache they're feeling from the sudden withdrawal, knowing how much they'll long to be back as soon as they come home. ugh. i'm getting all teary-eyed.

still, it will be a very much anticipated and happy reunion. along with lilly coming home for a bit, and sarah flying down for a whirlwind weekend. it's what i needed and been needing, and i would be terrified of the spiraling low i would experience after coming down from a month of joyous reunions if it wasn't for the fiji/nz trip i'd be taking off for right after. It's going to be one crazy, short, exhilirating month.

I blame myspace for putting me in such a downer mood.