Life is funny isn't it? I haven't written in this thing for a long time. SO I am going to try to fill you guys in on whats been going on in my life. First I want to say greetings from Salem Virginia. Yeah I moved down here with Jacob and his family. Someone called me a nomad last night and I just wanted to say...Yeah I have moved around a great deal in the last couple of months but that's all done with. I am really doing great here. I am finally getting my life back on track. I got a new job that I started this week. Olive Garden YUM! The training has been fun and let me tell you the food is amazing. They let you sample ALL week long while you are in training. Isn't that the coolest? In any case I will be working there about 5 times a week. It's great money and I think I am going to love it there. I finally got my new car today. A Saturn SC2. Ever heard of it? Well it's the coupe that has the little door you can open to let people in the back seat. AMAZING! I start classes on Monday! I am so pumped to be back in a classroom. I can't wait. I have learned some valuable lessons these past few months so here they are. 1. Always be honest NO matter the cost! 2. Don't always trust that you are making the right choices 3. People will always let you down, why? because they are fallibile creatures. 4. Your bad choices might turn into blessings someday so you got to always look to the bright side of things. Matt (Jacob's dad) asked me to go down to the homeless shelter with him and the church he pastors. He asked me last night if I would share my testimony! I was hesitant but I told him I would. SO we went down there tonight. I shared my testimony and then Matt gave an altar call. I met a guy tonight his name was Carlos! He came down for prayer and I just felt like I needed to go and pray with him! He shared his life story with me! Carlos is living on the streets tonight! "I don't have a place to go tonight, I don't even know where my next meal will come from" he said! I was amazed at this man, he didnt ask for prayers for himself. BUT he asked to pray for his kids whom he lost because of some really bad choices!We all make bad choices from time to time I said to him. BUT what you need to do is keep your eye on the prize, get back to your kids and work hard to get your life on track. I can relate to Carlos. I am working to get my life back on track! I am inspired by this man who tonight doesn't have a warm place to stay, BUT rather keeps on fighting the good fight. I learned something very amazing tonight! I must be careful of the choices I make in life. ALWAYS! Thanks for reading all of this if you have held on! I am busy getting my life back!

In so many ways so much has changed for me since the last time I entered something into my online journal. I have changed and so many things about me as well. I plan on being as honest as I have ever been in my whole entire life on this thing and so here goes. This summer I made a choice to go to Cedar Point and this choice has rocked the very core of my being. I became someone whom I didnt like and I dont like now. I struggle now to believe in God and what his plans for my life are. I am no longer in Mount Vernon, it is in Mt Vernon that I began to find out exactly who I am. For 3 years I went to the Naz and it truly began to change my life around. NOW I wonder in the very exsitence of the God they profess to. I have lost my faith in people and I no longer trust anyone, not even myself. Every day I wake up I wish that I didn't have to. The only place I find peace is in my bed asleep. I find myself missing my mom and family a GREAT deal but those of you who know me know that my family isn't much source of help or strength for me. So I guess you could say I feel alone in this battle and struggle. I messed up alot of peoples lives this summer by not being honest with people. In so many ways I wish that I wouldnt have gone to Cedar Point but I did and now I must live with the consequences. I wish that I had the resources in my life to just pick it up and move. I would move to the west coast where I wouldnt have a chance of knowing somebody. Where I could just disappear and not look back. It's not like to many people would notice. I hate how life just continues to beat you up. You give it your best but at times it just doesn't make sense to keep fighting. I want to give up this fight and I at times wonder why, why all the pain and suffering? I sure don't know why. If any of you have ever loved a dog or animal or anything and it was taken from you take that feeling and multiply it by one hundred because thats how I feel about my mom. Everyday I wake up and I just want her to be here and a part of my life. I wish that I could call her and tell her all the things I have done and all the things I have failed to do. I wish for a moment that i could have one of her peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches those always had a way of making me feel better. I don't think it was the sandwhich I think it was her that had a way of making me feel better. I think Evanscene has the exact way that I feel right now. So I leave with you with these words.

Im so tired of being here.
Supressed by all my childish fears.
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave.
Cuz your presence still lingers here, and it wont leave me alone.
These wounds wont seem to heal.
This pain is just too real.
There's just too much that time cannot erase.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand through all of these years, but you still have, hold of me.
You used to captivate me, by your resonating light.
Now Im bound by the knife you left behind.
Your face it haunts, my once pleasent dreams.
Your voice it chased away, all the sanity in me.
These wounds won't seem to heal.
This pain is just too real.
There's just too much that time can not erase.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along.

This tuesday has been one crazy day. First I want to say that Ares was up for about 3 hrs today and boy did I take advantage of that.. I went to Newark today with one crazy girl from New Jersey and oh wow. I only have about 10 things to say here we go.

1. When you put a Columbian and a Crazy Girl from Jeresy together anything goes.

2. If you are number 46 then you are glad to hear that 44 left

3. If you want a copy of your Soc Sec Card then you should bring ALL documents needed to get the copy.

4. You can only show your liscense to get that duplicate if you are an AMERICAN

5. Newleyweds are cool to talk to when they have only been married for a month.

6. I am really good with school colors.

7. Rent a cops should learn to be nicer.

8. When Steph is craving taco Bell then dang she is a bear in this case its ok to feed the animals.

9. Rally's sucks because it got me all excited and almost made me cuss.

10. Skrumm is a really awesome girl behind all that loudness and extrovertness. It's scary how much we are alike. .

After Newark I packed some stuff. Went to a study group. "Brett is one of those guys" right Drew? Then to a party for the faculty of the Psych Dept. Then to Jakes with Jess for some late night 1/2 price apps...YUM! Then back here to write a dumb paper. I am glad it is my last one. Well thats it. " You can have your citizenship expire?" haha  Skrumm you rock

Today is Friday. I love Fridays the closeness of the weekend. The end of an old school week. Get to stay out late and get up late the next day. Fridays besides naps are one of God's greatest inventions. Even better then a Friday is a rainy Friday when your 1:50 prof lets you go early. I mean like a whole 45 minutes. SHOUT OUT to Dr. Wright....yeah yeah DAWG. This means that I not only get to nap but I get to nap on a rainy friday afternoon. The other highs of my day is chapel, eating lunch with Linds and Jwub...."You can clean my rims anytime you want" he he he.Thanks Jess Ward you rock.....

On a more serious note, I want to tell you about my chapel encounter today. I have been praying in such a way that my heart has been overflowing with desperation. Today God and I met and I had an encounter with the Living God. Even as I write this entry I can barely hold back the tears. Have you ever been so lost and destroyed inside that you didn't know what was next? This is how I have been the month and if I am being honest I have been like this for quite sometime. This morning my faith was restored. There are things in my life that God is taking bit by bit and I am so thankful to him for that.

I know that a great deal of you will be celebrating with your moms this weekend. Do me a favor even if your relationship with her is not the best enjoy her, celebrate her and love her. There are those of us who will never be able to enjoy these moments with our mom again. This weekend I honor my own mother who died 12 years ago. She lives on in the memories of my heart never forgotten and always thought of. God had a plan I am sure of it, if for no other reason then to get a hold of my life. Life is an adventure always be ready to go where it takes you.