I was walking outside of a barnes and noble in plano today, when I saw a bird come careening down from the sky.  It was as if it's wings couldn't support it anymore, as if it had taken one too many hits or it's wings had flapped one too many times.

It clumsily landed in front of a window, in the small corner created from an inch of stone bordering the window.  It moved a little bit, but it seemed like painful convulsions gripping it's tiny body.  People walked past it, but no birds were in the area.  I looked in the sky, and none could be seen.  I looked in the letters of the buildings, perhaps for a nest inside of the "O", but found nothing.  This bird was in a city full of birds, with people walking by constantly.  Yet, this bird was dying alone.

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I got to hold my baby cousin for about two hours today at my uncle's house.  I thought he was just a peaceful, calm baby.  Then some people came to the house and tried to carry the baby, and the baby cried.  They gave it back to me, and it was peaceful again.  I felt loved.

I held Nicolas close to me, and told the two month old that he was loved, that everyone wanted him to be happy and healthy and that we all loved him.  I don't know if he could understand, but he was content.  In two hours, he went from uncle's baby, cute kid in the pictures, to family.

I don't want to be like this bird, dying alone after it was stolen from the skies.  I want to live and die as someone who loves and is loved, with friends and family all around me.  I want to encourage and help others become who God made them to be, and always be learning from someone.

I don't want to die alone.

I don't want to live alone, either.

Friends.

I am thankful for my friends

I walked through a restaurant today after church, and knew people at most of the tables there, and had a wonderful time.  It is because of friends I have that I can truly consider the move I'm currently considering.

I will know a lot more about my future by this time tomorrow.  I am praying that God will lead me and guide me, and I've felt him call toward a certain place, but I just need Him to pave the way, or at least give me a machete so I can cut a path .

I want to be wildly passionate about God... I'm getting more and more into the word, and I've been getting closer to God, and it's freakin awesome.

Read Ruth sometime.  It's amazing.

Oh... and I'm thankful for this... got it for 100 bucks at Guitar Center on the 4th of July... yay :).

I had two moments in the early morning hours, in which God decided to speak to me through random, obvious, unexpected events.

The first was this morning, at sunrise, as I was on a beach made of rocks, strewn with litter, disappointed because my beautiful sunrise with God had been tainted with a cloudy morning and a dirty beach.  I was praying to God, wondering if He had a plan for my future (yes, I know he does) and where He wanted me to go.  As I was nearly giving up, I felt God say "Remember the dolphins?"

There was a day in January, during the lead team retreat, where I went out onto a pier and praised God alone, and as I was singing a dolphin came up right near the pier.  I was freakin amazed and how awesome God was for letting me see that... but I was thinking maybe it was just coincidence.  So then, with my friend John out there, he did it again.  With two dolphins.

Show off.

So this morning, he tells me that, and then I see this little fish jump out of the water.  Part of me was like "that's it?"  That wasn't anything.  I prayed, even more disappointed.  Then I realized that God's little creation, that little fish, was proudly jumping out of that water, as if sent by God... and even though he was small, he was as spectacular as he possibly could be.

So I heard God telling me to go, that He had a plan for me, and I could rest after seeking Him all night and into the morning.  I still wasn't sure if that was me or God, so I ask him to show me something.  And the fish jumped.  Again.

I doubted still, and so it jumped again.  And again.  30 feet from the shore.

Show off.

This is how I got out there at sunrise, 45 miles from home and watching God show off His little superfish.  Last night... well, this morning... I hit up Burn C.C.  It is 24 hours of worshipping God, but I was there from about 12:30 AM to 6 AM.  I went because the idea of just sitting and listening to God being praised sounded restful and amazing.  When I got there, though, my friends encouraged me to first play one of the many djembe's there, with this group that was pretty much primal worship... it sounded like something from Africa, and yet it was getting people out of their everyday "singing worship" mode, and people were beginning to pray power, big prayers.  It was as if the simplicity and forcefulness of the style was reminding everyone that all of the distractions of this world are nothing, that we are creation worshipping our creator, and that is all.

Then I went and played bass with this one group, since they didn't have a bass player, and I guess they are what is called "prophetic worship".  It was pretty cool, like prayers within a song.  I liked it.  After that, there was a group that encouraged random jamming, so I went on the bass again until someone began singing a song that the guitar player didn't know, and we switched.  Then I ended up leading for a bit, and that was fun.

It was not these moments that God spoke to me through.  It was a moment when I was just singing to God, and I went to the back because I wanted to kneel down where no one could see (because when God is in you, and you realize what He sacrificed for you, it is humbling).  I went back there, and prayed a prayer of contrition, but the whole time I just kept on hearing Him say "Let me love you."  It was weird, and I thought it was just me, but I heard it so much, and felt His desire for me to go back and experience the joy and renewal I was getting in hearing the singing and prayers of those around me, so I prayed.  I asked God if it was Him, and if He really wanted me to get up.

Then this guy comes and touches my shoulder so that he can get in the door I was by, at that exact moment, apologizing for needing me to move.  Then the guy leading worship started talking about how God pursues us so much more than we pursue Him.  I had a peace when I went back to the chair I was in, and listened and sang and prayed.  He was pursuing me.  He loves me.  I don't even care how feminine that sounds.

You know, love changes people.  I think it is what changes you and me, us who faith (verb) Jesus and make him the Lord of our lives.  The Holy Spirit conveys His love... and being loved unconditionally changes us.  It is beautiful.  I've gotta go.  Sorry for the long post.  Congrats if you got this far.