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blackandasianQt
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Name: Chelle
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 12/29/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: Singing and dancing! kickin it wid mai homiez!!! talkin on tha phone!!
Expertise: BEING MYSELF!!!
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/12/2003
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i got bored, so i decided to doodle...doodling led to this........kinda crappy but i was bored!
Courage see me through,
Heart im trusting you………..
I hate loving him far away, but i put up with it. I love him and thats
all i have to say about it. dont try to talk me out of it.
Ok......this year is just about over. its time that i start gettin real
serious. Application have to be filled out, and put through the
process. i have this feeling of anxiety and anxiousness. im just
worried more than anything........my plans are starting to become major
worries and stress.......
I guess i've always known that i am an aimless wanderer, however, i've
never really beleived it until now . i mean, not as far as school goes,
but where i want to go in life besides school. i mean, i know you can
never really know until you get there, but im still lost just planning.
i mean i know it doesnt sound that important but im really thinkin bout
justin. i love him too much to even just picture myself without him. im
jut thinking, if the oppurtunity came up to be close to him came up and
i didnt take advantage of it, would i regret it in the end? i
mean i rather be close to him more than anything and i swear it. It's
just that, if i were to ask him, im more than sure that he would say
something like " baby, i rather for you to go and be happy than to let
me hold you back." but if i were to go , i wouldnt be happy. i mean,
i've worked so hard to get where i think i want to go and i dont want
to waste it away on something that people would think isnt worth it.
the only thing i can say to something like that is that he would be
worth every decision i made......
im about to f*ck a b!tch up homie. ya'll need to stop talkin shit. my
man's name aint dick so keep it out ya'll mouths. im so dayuym sick of
ya'll tryna tell me that my nigga aint right for me cuz when you really
think bout it, dont none of ya'll really know me like that. its this
type sh!t that makes me not wanna trust no b!tches........ya'll aint
even right.......
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some crazy pics my big brother took of me after a hard days work....
Well.......yes yes yes....its been forever! im sorry...i started
writing in my journal again. but yeah....i guess you can say its still
the same ol same ol.....
I moved to freakin Lake Elsinore (GAYelsinore) a lil more than 2 months
ago. i hate it here wid a passion. i was happy about gettin up out the
hOOd but now i kinda wish i was back......I met some new people though.
oh yeah..there are some people from daygo here also! like tha homegirl
ericka.....but n e way my favorite new buddy is Justin. hes so koo!
he's from Georgia. he tight as hell. he has the same name as my baby!
sometimes it gets confusin......
..........I tried to imagine my life without Justin, and i couldnt find
a visual but i did feel a tear fall from my eyes. It's funny how when
you become attached to someone you dont even notice it. i never find
myself mad at him or even go a day without talkin to him. all i find is
myself gettin jealous because another girl gets to be next to him, and
i cant. even if shes just a really close friend. I long for just a few
seconds of his embrace at night just so i can fall alseep. Me and him,
we have an agreeable personality. he's my other half. he can finish
almost all of my sentences and thoughts. not a single day goes by that
i dont pray that we'll be together forever. i cant lose him for
anything. he's where i console myself. and where i find comfort on
those lonely, empty nights. It's a complicated emotion, a yearning
undefined. Its one of those feelings where everything is spinning until
i hear his voice on the line. then everything is still; in its correct
position. i only wonder what it would be like sitting with him on his
end......i only wonder..........
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R.I.P Michael (Mikey) "Lil Menyce" Beckwith
November 4, 1989 - November 26, 2004
*You Will Be Forever Missed*
We Love You!
***I cant believe it. its so hard to let go. first dante and
deandre,then jay,then dodee, now mikey. whos next? im so far gone off
this. i just dont get it. Mikey was so innocent. He was loved by so
many. He was my baby brother.
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| Tangapin mo. Ng bago tayo. Sorry, hindi ako contento sa iyo paris tayo guya ng dati. Tangapin mo.
Translation * Please understand. We've both changed. Sorry i couldnt
satisfy you the way we both wish i could have. Please understand.
*i guess change has finally decided to take its course. ive been doing
alot of thinking. its hard to sit here and think about what the hell im
doing wrong? i cant help this feeling of ......i guess yyou can
say.....emptiness. I feel incomplete like im missing something. Maybe
its cause im selfish. maybe its cause its the only thing around for me
to blame my problems on......maybe its because im seriously scared to
admit that hes the only thing i have right
now.............sometimes.....
**stayed with Gerald and his lil sis last night. after we went clubbin.
before that we stopped at gompers homecoming at the Westin and Horton
Plaza Mall. Then we walked around with some guy around downtown. We
were jsut actin stupid like always. lol........... then we walked all
the way to the Gaslamp area cause the girls wanted to see my picture
Hooters. After that we were walking down the street and saw the 98.9
truck and we found out they were having some kind of concert. Me and
gerald and tha girls were seriously surpirsed when we seen who the fuck
bumped into to me! lol.....but its all good...we mostly cheered when
sugafree went up. there were alot of amatures there though but we
cheered for them anyway. i cant believe that him and mitchy were there
in the middle of downtown knowin dayum well where they were.
***had a long chat with the homeboi last night. we talked about dodee
(the big one) and how much it hurts me but for some reason i just cant
show it. i have to act like nothign happen, i guess i've lived in the
hood too long and seen it happen too much that it doesnt really bother
me to cry to no more....
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