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| I've been watching way too many animes to have time to update. It all started with IGPX. Then rewatched a few episodes of Zoids and Claymore. Now my friend got me re-hooked on Tsubasa Chronicles. x.X To make matters worse, I'm still on maple. Wierd? Yes but the game has been a part of my life for two years. It's a place where I can vent; a place where I can forget about the world and school for a few hours and just using my holy powers and army of angels to cause mass destruction to the maple world. Lunch time now and then cramming for chem.
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| FutureEver since the mass guild hack crisis, I've done way too much thinking. Yes NOOBLETS got hacked and I'm really sad about that. Sad at how cruel some idiots are for taking away something precious to my friends and I. Sad at how the gm's didn't do anything to stop or re-compensate the hacked guild masters. Yet on the other hand now, I see it as a opportunity. Sort of like someone who released me from the shackles of the past and being a guild master and allowed me to be free and move on. So yes, as of now, my decision is to say good bye to nooblets and move on into the future. I mean, what's the point of recreating it if I'm going to be the one that will still hang on to those memories of all of us playing. Sort of seems like I'm waiting for them to come back. Frankly, I'm tired of waiting. As of now, I hit level 88 priest. woot! hahaha such a lil nerd... playing computer games still while I'm in college. But this is who I am and what I like. Deal with it.
New haircut/style. I've been thinking about getting it cut for awhile now but I never turned my words into action. It was always the same thing where I look into the mirror and think to myself, "I need a haircut. ehhh... Maybe next week." My hair grows fast but I suppose that's normal for a guy. Then, I was eating dinner with a friend and she was the one that, in a way, made me want to change my style. I don't know why but yea, it's shorter now. Lost my bangs and all too. In the words of Jess, "It looked like a lawnmover went through my hair." >.> People at work freaked out too. hahaha I guess I was always the glasses wearing, long-hair, quiet kind of guy but when they saw me saturday, short hair, no glasses and all, they were like wooow! you look like a new person. woot! I guess that's sort of what I wanted. iono where I'm going with this but yay haircut. For those of you that know me, yes I changed my hairstyle. again. and sorry ummm... I forgot who's turn it was to cut but next time.
hahaha... I should either be resting or studying for my chemistry 1C midterm and Psych 9C midterm later today but I'm here blogging, somewhat reading my psych book, and chatting. And the one thing that made me feel good and all was chatting to my friend. Her words somehow made me go o O wth?! but at the same time make me feel content.
9: you're gonna be the guy who would never
9: break a girl's heart
9: sooo
9: don't stop being that guy
9: cus you're one in a million
hahaha... I can honestly say I've never heard that before. But I suppose that nice guys will eventually finish first. I mean, like one of those wong fu shirts "nice is never out of style" I'll just keep being myself and hope for the best. And one of the things I hate about myself is me blogging at late hours and when I should be doing something else. So that will be all and now, it's time to attack those books. again. x.X
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| So I'm sitting here, laughing my butt off as my room mate plays with my DS and Brain Age 2. For all those who know Edward and his "short" patience... Well, lets just say it's showing. In the background, besides my music, is the constant swearing in English and Chinese. I think he's playing the game where you have to speak rock, paper, or scissor into the mic and he isn't annunciating it right. lolz
Spring quarter is off to a decent start. I decided to not kill myself with 20 units and dropped down to 16 units. General Chem, Chem lab, Psychology, Econ, and two Bio seminars. Chemistry will keep me very busy as this is the most challenging course from the three class series of General Chem. Other than that, I've decided that I should expand my boundaries. So that means meeting new people. ewwwww... or at least that's how my reaction would usually be.
Honestly, I never was the person to go up to someone, stick out my hand and go "Hi! I'm Steven. What's your name?" Well... I could do that to a few certain people... haha I couldn't help it but I wanted them to notice me.. so cute.. err I'm straying from what I was saying. So yea, I've met a few people last week and such. Mostly from work. Work is fun, I guess. We had some big attendant meeting/party last Wednesday. I basically hung out with someone new I met who was really cool. That was really fun. Pay raise!! Woot! Now, my "hard work" earns myself $9.50 an hour. This should help out with paying for school, gas, insurance, housing, and such.. x.X Even with so many hours of work, including weekend, I'm still trying to do well in school too. The one thing I have to sacrifice is going home on the weekends. I'm really sorry to all you guys and girls if I couldn't hang out with you during Spring Break and I'm really sorry that you won't be seeing me during the weekends. But I'll be there for graduation! Promise.
I thought I would be down and maybe emo for a looong time... Especially since I couldn't show my emotions back at home. Dad would have brought up the past and start talking on how I don't need close friends, blah blah blah. But honestly, if it wasn't for you guys and girls.. I might still be that emo, lonely kid in that corner over there. I won't say that I'm 100% ok but in a sense, I've moved on. I did my best, gave it my all, and have almost no regrets. It's her decision. I guess meeting new people also helped so well, I wish her the best because I'm not going to be looking back and waiting for her anymore.
Ok, I think I'm going to go rescue my DS now before it gets smashed due to frustration from Edward. lolz.. I'll find more time to update during the weekend.
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| So a recap on spring break... I'm going to try to remember as much as possible but with my poor memory and ehh mood... it might not be much...
I finished my finals on Thurs at 10 am. Hung out with friends and swiped them free food. Used all my swipes finally.. lolz. Then headed out to ucla and slept for a bit. Took Linh home. I missed home food o so much.
Friday-I just tennised and slept. The racket felt so odd in my hand but took less than five minutes to get my game back. It felt so good finally hitting and serving again.
Saturday- Hung out with Nancy Nguyen who I haven't seen in over 6 months! Linh was there too. Pawned at miniture golfing at Golf n' stuff but it was so freakin expensive. Then we went to this teahouse Linh got me hooked on and it was her treat since she lost.. lolz. Got my DS that day too but had to drive out to rancho cucamunga. haha.. her freeway driving skillz have improved quite a bit. I actually fell asleep on the ride there.
Sunday- Purely tennis... tennis with friends.. tennis by myself... just letting go and putting everything into hitting the ball. Right arm was ok... just ok...
Monday- Tennis. again. Maplestory. Tennis. The arm is ehhh... Lambert Park. Words are just words till action takes place...
Tuesday- Tennis in the morning.. served for about 40 min when arm froze and dropped the racket.. couldn't pick it up and I realized I damage right arm... serving too much and forcing it to do too much after so little exercise during the school year... sigh... Lunch with Nancy Chen~ missed her so much. Wicked with Linh later that night. She enjoyed her late Christmas present and her early birthday present. Parking was a pain in the butt... too pricey. Bought her the picture book special too. Worth it. She has the pictures that we took though so iono.. hers to keep. Got back at like midnight. Parents were sorta ehhh... but it was worth it I guess..
Wednesday- Took dad to Long Beach to do his retirement stuff. College night with NHS at Arroyo. Good to see all the little kiddies and friends. Talked to a group of Sohpmores with Donna (cousin!) and Grace. Basically bs'ed for about an hour and a half about S.A.T's, college life, dorming, testing, etc. It was cool, my group was interactive and asked lots of questions. Ate out that night with Josie, James, Annie, Donna, and Aileen.
Thursday- Lunch with Simon and Eileen. Cues with b4k4 except Nancy. Fun fun, planned for beach trip.
Friday- beach trip with b4k4 except edward. It was nice seeing everyone again and hanging out.. made me feel a lot better, especially hanging out with Nancy and Josie. Pictues... find them on facebook. It was fun. I'm not a beach kind of person but hanging out with friends who were trying to cheer me up, I just can't help it but like that day..
Saturday- Doctors.. more medication.. ughh... Speedzone with Eileen, Jess, Simon, and sis. Drifting is fun. Slicktrack ftw. Got stuck a few times but it was cool. Pricey... cost way too much but driving is one thing I love and it always makes me feel better... raced like four times.. haha
Sunday- Irvine...
Along Spring Break, I spent many hours on maple, talking on the phone and way too much money eating out. haha... also.. Boba runs! I'm happy to say I made over 10 boba runs with different people. If I didn't get a chance to hang out with anyone over spring break, I'm sorry. Get a raincheck because I don't know if I'll be coming home anytime soon due to work and what not... Don't want to go home and yea... But graduation, I'll be there for you guys and girls with my gifts haha.. kk sleep time now. lab tomorrow at 8 and school is swamping me out...
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| lost...I tried so hard... and got so far... yes, these are the words from Linkin Park's "In the End." As the rest of the phrase goes, I tried so hard, and got so far. In the end, it doesn't even matter. I guess in a way I saw it coming as did all my friends. They tried to steer me away from her, find someone else, yet I persevered and focused on her and her only.. We were the best of friends, close, and always enjoyed each other's company. I waited so long... endured so much from many people and events... did so much.. cried so much.. well, deep in the bottom of my heart, I'm happy for you. You found someone who can make you happy. As long as you're happy and smiling that soft, warm smile of yours.. then I guess I'll be fine. I may wish I could be the one that is the one to make you happy like so.. but it seems I'll always just be that best friend who'll always be there. I respect your decision and hope the best for you.. you deserve it. I admire the courage for you to tell me.. it must have been hard but I really am happy for you... I really am..
As for my friends.. you guys did so much for me and I was totally oblivious and focused on her.. you guys tried to protect me.. you guys never wanted to see me get hurt.. yet when it did happen, you didn't get mad at me but lent a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to. You guys consoled me when I couldn't even speak... you guys dealt with watching me for nearly the past three years try so hard.. from the bottom of my heart.. Thank you.. Josie.. Jess.. Eileen.. Donna.. Nancy.. Jenn.. Pinkie.. and everyone.
I guess it'll just take time.. it'll take time to heal these internal scars.. time to accept what happened was no nightmare come to life.. time to move on... and time to understand and comprehend that I'm a best friend. No more, no less.
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again i pretend i'm okay but that's not what gets me
What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere i go
But i'm doin it
It's hard to force that smile when i see our old friends and i'm alone
Still harder gettin up, gettin dressed, livin with this regret
But i know if i could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that i saved in my heart that i left unspoken
What hurts the most, is being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again i pretend i'm okay but that's not what gets me
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