blackneko13's Xanga

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 09:11:12 GMT

They can't even tell when I cry,
So how can they see when I'm broken?
And when no one else can see me,
Who will catch me when I fall?

------------------

But if you jump in and catch me,
Will I be able to tell you were the cause?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Both are separate and complete, and only slightly related, thoughts.

"I don't like my family, that's why!!!"

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 04:33:16 GMT

I'm gonna have to spend the 4th with my family again.
I had to do that last year.
I didn't see a single firework last year.
And had to deal with that man I refuse to call my Uncle.
That was a disaster.

She knows I don't like him.
She knows I love setting off my own fireworks.
And she dares to call me selfish.
Whenever we went to see the fireworks downtown,
She always refused to go.
Now,
Just 'cause her son wants to go,
We have to spend the day with him and his family.
And she dares to call me selfish.
We're always trying to please her.
But as soon as somebody wants to do something they want to,
She dares to call them selfish.

Fuck that shit.
I'm playing video games.
She can kiss my ass.

~Hana

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 04:37:17 GMT

Information is not knowledge;
knowledge is not wisdom;
wisdom is not truth;
truth is not beauty;
beauty is not love;
love is not music;
music is the best.

~Frank Zappa

Learn it.
Know it.
Love it.
Live it.
...
well...
I will.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 09:44:04 GMT

I have Ulquiorra on my desktop.
He's... ohmigod.... gorgeous.
His eyes are stunning.
I might make it my layout on here...

Maybe.

I'm kinda tired.
I need to work.
And stop crying.
Not the point.

I need to work.
I know in my head that I need to work.
I. Just. Can't. Do it.
I can't find the motivation.
I need to.
I have to.
I'm letting people down hour by hour.
Minute by minute.

I need to talk to someone.
I think.
I refuse to be the first to contact someone though.
I'm loosing it.
I think.
Maybe it's nothing.
I dunno.
It's finally sunk in.
I'm locked in my house.
In school.
During the summer.
And everyone's gone.
Not everyone.
It just... feels like it.

I need to go.
Work.
I'm going to slap myself till' I work.
Don't worry.
Not literally.

~Hana

I only have to turn the page twice before I'm done.
That shouldn't take too long...
Right?

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 22:15:45 GMT

So it's been a while. A long while. Well... at the moment.... I'm a mixture of different things. Mostly emo/disappointed/angry. I was really looking forward to go to my therapy today, but it didn't happen. Partly my mom's fault partly my own. It doesn't matter. I just have to wait... two weeks... before I can see my therapist... Only... two weeks. >o< Damnit... summer school was going to bad. I wanted to talk to her. Fuuuuuck. Oh well... maybe I can talk my mom into getting an appointment for next week... Well... I'm off to do that. I will know leave you with something from last night:

By whatever name,
I am myself and nothing more.
A servant and friend and nothing more.
I want it this way.
Strangely enough, I like it this way.
Don't make me change it.
This is as close as I can get,
So just leave me this way.
Use me,
Abuse me,
Punish me,
You don't even have to love me,
Just don't abandon me.
I want it this way,
I like it this way,
So won't you let me keep it this way?

I think Default sang it best:
"Can hold my breath only for a little while,
'Til reality starts sinking in.
Once again I'm settling for second best,
Turn the pages skip to the end
To where I swore that I would try
Since the last time I crossed that line
In the back of my mind I know

It only hurts when your eyes are open
Lies get tossed and truth is spoken
It only hurts when that door gets open
Dreams are lost and hearts are broken"

Angst-y? Maybe.

~Hana

Cirque du Soleil: Delirium!

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 23:31:52 GMT

Oh my god! Delirium was indeed, most awesome. I really want to watch their other shows now... ^-^ I was going to post this lil' mini rave about the show last night but we didn't get back until midnight, so I'm doing it now.

(Intro Scene)

It's like a rave, rock concert, circus, play, and a light show all in one! Really! It's nuts! There is so much going on you really can't tell what to watch. Seriously. It was a really random show too, but oh so awesome! The story line was short and simple. You're watching a man's dream, the man being the one hanging from the big ballony thing that you see on the posters for the show.

(Two of many favorite characters)

I don't care how weird or trippy it seemed, it was REALLY out there, but that's just one of the reasons why it rocked so hard. It's one of those you-have-to-see-(and-feel)-it-for-yourself things, 'cause it's REALLY hard to describe. Though at one point my mom said "It's like National Geographic on crack!" I of course had to reply and I said "Bright colorful crack!", but don't get me wrong. We both loved it.

Oh! And the acrobatics in the show were unbeleivable! Those people are REALLY strong, 'cause they're either hanging from the ceiling doing tricks with very little to hold them up, sometimes even with another person, or they're balancing on very very very small surfaces. Okay. That was a guy doing that. He was awesome! Me and mom both think that his butt was very awesome too, but I mean come on! Can you blame us? Those men are very ripped. ^-^

(Two of many favorite acrobats)

Oh and the music itself! You'd never believe it was a live show! Oh my god the guitars were awesome! Anyone who can play lead guitar from a hamster wheel hanging from the ceiling is my hero! Oh! And the drums! There were sooooo many of them too! And that's along with the guy with the 20-pack sitting at the full drum set. That rythm! The kind of music that sends shivers down your spine. Most literally too. You can't even put that music into a genre. The vocalists, too! Very amazing! I really am at a loss of words! I can't even give you the slightest idea of what I mean. There really aren't any words in existance that could describe that performance!

(The big drum number!)

I can tell you one thing for sure though, it will indeed leave you in a Delirium.
And to quote the show, "Im glad this is a dream, beause this is really weird."

It got a huge standing ovation.

~Jason

[Visit kansas.com and search 'Delirium' for more pictures!]

Monday, March 05, 2007

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 00:09:28 GMT

I am ranting for the sake of ranting. Actually, I'm ranting for the sake of just wanting to type. The Yahoo! won't work on this computer so I really have no one to type to which sucks because I have this odd... need to type. Therefore rant. But my father is here to pick me and Kisa-chan up and take us away to our appropiate housings. So I must go home and finish this ranting. Though I probably won't because I know my Yahoo! works there and if Kisa can steal the computer I'll talk to here more, and Molly will more than likely be on at some point as well and we can send each other videos, AMVs, and other random oddities. So, ha! I'm leaving all you for technology and my lovelis. >^-^< I love you all?

Muah~!

~Hana

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 02:10:48 GMT

Wow... I haven't written on here in a while. Neither has anyone else... that's sad-ish. >.< Anyway... I've decided that I can't write music. I don't have enough patience with myself to be able to. I have ideas in my head but no idea how to right them down, more or less play them. It's... depressing? I have Guitar Pro that I was messing around with... that was a disaster. Icky! ...I thought. >.< Meh... so that's my mini rant. I think I'm going to go kill my stroy or a random blank piece of paper now. Luffles to all!

~Hana-chan

Muah~! </3

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 03:05:51 GMT

The snow is melting yet my heart remains frozen,
But somehow the soft flame of your own warms mine.
So why is it that I hurt so much and want to cry?

~???

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I beat Kingdom Hearts II. Yay?

~Hana

Friday, February 02, 2007

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 20:48:47 GMT

I'm sorry. Really really really sorry. I tried really hard to make it to school today but I just couldn't make it. -_- I miss you all tons and I hope to see you guys real soon. Love you.

~Hana

(And for the "Currently reading", I'm really reading it in English and on Volume 15. >.<)