I'm

divorcing

xanga!

This morning was

probably the

worst, scariest

thing I'd ever

experienced in

my life... & right now I'm just so glad that I didn't hurt or kill anyone, & that I'm alive too. I'd never even thought this would happen to me, but I don't think anybody ever thinks it would happen to them. It was pretty much bad luck. I just happened to hit that piece of ice as I was driving & then after that I had no control over anything. It started swerving back and forth & thats when I started to panic a little, but thought maybe I could just turn the wheel a little & get it back under control. Heh definitely not. No matter what I did, the car was just on its own, & it slid rapidly to the left. I was right in oncoming traffic & panicking like crazy as the cars were getting bigger & bigger. It was so weird, I couldn't even hear my dad screaming, or the sound of my own voice yelling. I was kind of in a daze as things happened so quickly yet kind of in slow motion. I think because I was in such shock, I couldn't hear anything except when a car slammed into us, and thats when I heard this huge bang, and my head jerked really hard. Our car & the whole world it seemed was spinning like crazy around me, all in a huge blur, & I was so helpless. I thought I was going to die, or that my dad was going to die, or maybe both of us. I thought this was how I was going to die - on a casual, gray winter morning before my soccer training that I've been going to every year for years now at this time, in fear. My life was going to end right now at a young age, my body banged up and brutalized in my casket. Another teenage driver messes up & takes away her own life. It was the craziest feeling I've ever felt. Well suddenly everything stopped, the car came to a halt. We were right smack in the middle of the road facing the ditch. Seriously I couldn't even believe I was breathing right now and conscious. I looked over & my dad was alive too. I just started sobbing & said sorry about a thousand times, & just kept muttering things, I can't even remember what exactly they were. When I got out of the car, I could barely open or close the door because it was so damaged. The whole front of the car looked like a piece of steaming, fried rubble, and the front right tire was sideways flat on the pavement making the car sag. I'd done that. How could my small self do such damage to a huge vehicle? We could barely walk to the grass, it was like walking on pure ice. Nobody was hurt, and only one car was damaged too because they'd hit us twice apparently. I don't know if I'm going to get a ticket or not yet. People were really nice though. So then I had to be at the hospital for about five hours. My neck was sore because of whiplash, & they made me wear a neckbrace. At first it was so humiliating to wear that thing. I would tug on it & feel ashamed of myself. But after a while I sucked it up because I knew it was a hell of a lot better than being dead or anything worse than what I was now. In fact, I got used to it & joked with the doctor about it. Some people were giving me stares. I could imagine now how people who didn't look "normal" felt when they walked around and had people giving them weird looks. It was amazing to see all the people in the hospital crying, or lying on beds with wheels moaning & wailing, or bleeding, or unconscious. I was so damn lucky. For a while, I couldn't think about it without choking up. I never even imagined anything bad could happen to me. It was like those things only existed in ink on paper, or on TV screens. But its so real, and it can happen to anyone, no matter who you are. I'm not going to let this make me afraid of driving, cuz of course I have to do that someday. I just think of this as a lesson learned the hard way & now I know that anything is possible. I'm just so glad that I didn't take away anyone's life. & I'm so glad I'm still alive & that my life wasn't cut short because I'm so young & I have so much more time ahead of me. I love my friends & family soo much & I'm so thankful I didn't lose them!!

Well I'm going to go & rest because I'm really sore & tomorrow they said I'd wake up & feel like a truck hit me, soo yeah, cant wait for that! Leave some love.

Martie <3

ah. cant wait for tomorrow. i get to wake my ass up early & go sit in a classroom & listen to teachers drone on & on. i cant tell you how EXCITED i am!

well this christmas break has been really really good! now i've got lots of memories & (i swear) a *hundred* pictures posted up on my bedroom walls lol. i lovvve it. <3 I guess the fun doesnt last forever. To get what we most desire we have to go through the things that we find completely repulsive -- school!! so i'm gonna suck it up & do my homework! woo hoo!

Leave some amor <3

~martie xox

HAPPY

NEW

YEAR!!!

holy shit i cant believe its 2006 !!! Well last night was FUN AS HELL!! It couldnt have been any better because I spent my New Year with one of my 2 favorite people! There were soo many funny moments - too bad I can't remember them all ! haha. Well along with the good comes the bad too, & I stayed with Sam in the bathroom the whole time cuz I love that girl to death!! But overall it was amazing & wonderful. I'm not really one to start thinking about how I'm going to change in the new year, because I think about changing everyday. Hopefully all the rest of you had a good New Years Eve as well! Later xox

~Martie <3

new pic! you likey? or no likey?

i must say the last couple of days have been CARAZIEE..

but thats just the way i like my life to be.

i love my friends soo much!! i dunno what i'd be w/out you guys!

~martie xox