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Thursday, June 26, 2008

  • One more month.

    That's all we have left huh.
    Everything you say sounds so right at the moment,
    and the more that I keep playing it through my head...
    the more I realize...
    everything just keeps saying that I'm not enough.
    I'll never be enough for you...
    I'll always just be the fallback...
    the one that's always going to be there...
    but I don't want to do that anymore.

    I want to be the person who someone wants.
    Who they're not afraid to be with..
    who they're not going to regret being with other people.
    I don't want to be second choice...

    so...
    let's make this one month awesome...
    because...
    after this month...
    I don't think I can handle it anymore...
    I'm not that strong... I never was.
    so I hope her and everyone else is worth it.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

  • Grounded at 20.

    Day 1
    So...
    I think today begins my official grounding... or at least at 12 a.m.
    Yes, at 20 years old, I am grounded.
    If I do get the rare chance to go out under certain circumstances I have to be home before 12 a.m., and I know everyone knows that that is almost impossible for anyone over the age of 13. Therefore, I am stuck home. Which I guess it's a good and bad thing. Hopefully the parents who pay for my living will loosen up in about a week. Therefore, I decided that I'll make good use of this time. Maybe I'll actually get started on that exercising thing I've always meant to be doing. I mean, I know that if I don't keep myself busy, I probably will drive myself crazy. Maybe I'll just plan a whole bunch of things and hope that other people, as well as myself can go. So... everyone help me stay distractedd!!
    because...
    I'm already thinking...

Thursday, June 12, 2008

  • Aren't you tired?

    because you've been running through my mind alll dayy...

    I just wish you weren't.
    I don't understand myself.
    I don't understand you, but myself as well.
    I almost wish some other person would come wisk me off my feet, but then again I know it would take a lot for me to change my heart.
    I hope you can figure things out.
    I hope I can figure things out as well...
    maybe actually learn to be more stable...
    be more open...
    and stop making you so tired.

    But then again...
    everything's easier said than done.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

  • Pretending.

    I guess it's always easy to pretend everything's okay.
    Well, at least I know I'm good at that.
    That's how it's always been.
    I'm the one that always had to stand strong on my own...
    and just have a big smile on my face for everyone else.

    I guess the job can get weary after awhile.
    It becomes more difficult to keep pretending with each "okay" and smile.
    But I just can't stop it...
    because others need me to keep having my smile and saying okay.

    That's where I seem to be stuck these days.
    I'm never really happy with anything I'm choosing.
    My schools/my family, my old friends, my jobs, and my heart.

    Just seeing the people I care about happy is what keeps me smiling.
    I just keep wondering when I get to be happy too...


Friday, June 06, 2008

  • I'm sorry...

    for being stupid.
    for whatever I did to you...
    for making you think you need to change...
    for not being able to decide...
    for hurting you...
    for causing you whatever pain you don't deserve...
    for making anything awkward...
    for being different for a while...

    Thank you for being who you are.
    Thank you for caring so much.
    Thank you for noticing if something's wrong.
    Thank you for seeing something in me.

    Sorry and Thank you is all I seem to be able to say.
    so...
    Sorry...
    and Thanks. You truly are the best being you.


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