I live in Omaha,

 needless to say we have had so much violence here in the city since i moved here a year ago. Since the summer there has been a shooting everyday.  Now with the shooting in the Mall.   I am just so sad for all the victim's families, but also for that boy who shot everyone.  It is not acceptable or forgivable what he did, but makes me sad that he didn't think anyone loved him and the amount of anger he had inside.  When i read all the subscriptions, most of you ladies seem so angry and sad with yourselves.  I had a lot of trouble with my body image and self worth in high school and middle school- well actually i still grapple with it to this day and I am almost 30...scarey i know.  But you need to be kinder to yourself.  everyday won't be amazing, you won't be super happy with the shape of your butt or stomach, but everything is changeable..but it does take time (i know it sucks and i want everything now too).  It is all about being balanced, I know i am not balanced yet in terms of eating for health and not for emotions or body issues, but i am trying to discover that for myself so as not to pass on negative body image  habits to my children or family. 

For this reason I am not going to keep this site anymore.  My goals will be to keep a healthy life style and body image. I know that posting pictures of these tiny woman whom i couldn't sustain a resemblence too is not on my path to recovery.  I am eating well, and keeping strong with workouts and balancing a healthy personal life as well.  I will make changes that are forever, not just for a few months and then binge because i cannot sustain not eating much, i have been on that cycle for years.  it breeds self hatred and frustration.  I am not giving in to a life of being overweight, not at all, but just a long term healthy outlook, it might take me twice as long to loose the weight that I want to, and i will have to deal with the fact that my husband looses weight faster than i will (damn dudes), but i have many years ahead of me, and i want balance and a grounded feeling, i am so tired of being so concerned to loose weight quickly.

I am not judging anyone here.  I have been through it all.  I just wish you all peace within yourselves and a full life.  With all this violence and people feeling angry and alone, make sure to tell the people you love how much you do care for them and how important they are to you.  Say hi to people in the hallway and smile.  creating and passing on positive energy will change your day and someone else's.  We need more love and warmth in this world and we can start it little by little, every minute on this earth counts. 

I wish you all happiness and love.  please know that you are loved.

Feeling angry today, trying to let it go.  I am super busy the next few days so short posts.

B: sm. coffee

slimfast (220)

green drink (45)

L: 30 sm. prezel sticks

cranberry juice (120)

D: slimfast bar (220)

Output: hour cardio (545)

one hour yoga (150)

lots of heavy lifting and stairs all day! (?)

here are some pix of sarah michelle gellar, such a tiny little frame! and kristin- so jelous, trying not to be.  I can be just a skinny just put my mind to it

feeling good about the diet. i broke down and had a bagel this morning, but i am so sick to my stomach, wondering if it might be a ...... not going to go there yet. but not going to eat flour/ wheat, and white sugar unless i feel so sick.

B: coffee
gingerbread bagel (340 WOW!)
green drink (45)

snack? almonds (120)

L: greens and tofu (200)

snack ?? apple: (75)
780 so far- maybe dinner just salad or save up snacks- lets see

D: ??

Output: cardio  1 hour (550)

yoga 1 hour (190)

I will post some pictures soon, trying to think who is my inspiration today.

**I read a wonderful article in the most recent Yoga Journal yesterday, about the fire element, well in digestion in the winter it becomes in full force to help you digest heavier foods and colder weather. But in this season if you overdo it, it can cause lethargy, lowered immunity, indigestion, depression...all intense. so they suggest spacing meals at least 3 hours apart (this helps keep you metabolism up), eating your biggest meal at noon when the fire (agni, digestive fire) is at it's highest, and try to incorporate spices like basil, cardamom, cinnommon, clove, fennel, ginger, mustard seed, oregano, pepper and thyme. Also eating warm soups and drinks help hydrate and keep your skin better protected from the winter air.

Now that you know i am a bit hippie at times.....

Here are some beautiful pictures of found of dancers and yogis: