hey... its been forever... I know...

well, for those who dont know, I did a stint in the psych ward about 2 weeks ago... for cutting, what else... yeah... it was really just cuz I couldnt handle shit... but yeah... I had someone with me the nite I freaked out, but the fuckhead left me alone at home... so then I totally freaked out... like major mental meltdown... yeah, not fun... but anyway... I'm healthy again... I guess I lost loads of weight before I was admitted... but all that weight is back on, and more... but in a good way, not in the 'I'm eating junkfood to gain wieght' sorta way... I'm eating lots of protein, and getting lots of nutrition... got my safetly plan, compliments of Swedes LOL so I have a plan for when things get bad... and its worked numerous times already, so thats good...

I'm reading loads... Brave New World and Tommy's Tale are my current reads... also, Practical Magic...

I got to go out to Denny's for the first time in like 2 weeks last nite... it was fucking awesome! I may have a date for Prom and everything cuz of last nite LOL but yeah, I savoured every drop of that wonderful Denny's brew

Snow and Jess are together, as I thought they would be that makes me giggly and happy inside! I love that they are together... I knew they would be LOL

I have several prospectives... the ranks change quite rapidly tho LOL Mark, it seems, is at the forefront LOL then there is Travis, whom I havent talked to in a long time... then Robert, who isnt talking to anyone cuz he's a little bitch... then Joey, who I havent met yet... then Tristan, from Con, whom I dont think I will end up talking to... then there is this new guy from Boylan... he emailed me about a week ago... but yeah, he lives in town, so I'll have to talk to him... I'm not too worried about committing to any one of these boys... I'm not worried about committing to any PERSON in general... but I'm having fun 'dating' these guys... I go out on a date here and there... so I consider it dating... even tho its not really... I dunno what it is...

O! I got my navel pierced! WOO! I got it done at Con... Tristan did it... it didnt bleed nearly as much as I was told it would... it has only bled 2 times so far... and that was like when it was just done... but its not getting infected, so its all good... I rather like it... I have pics, I'm just a lazy bastard, so I havent gotten around to putting them online... I have dozens of pics that I need to post... Con pics and others... I'm busy with my camera...

I'm learning loads in Photoshop... I'm glad I have CS at home... otherwise, I'd be so screwed for my VisTech class...

French is boring... its tediously easy... I really must see about tutoring from Monsieur Anderson... I'm the best in my class without even trying... I'm like one of the only ones that can come close to correct pronunciation... its not even that hard... its like natural for me...

I'm on 20mg of Prozac and 25mg of Ceraquil each day... I quit taking the Ceraquil tho cuz it just drains me of any energy... I'm gonna sell it... 5 dollars a pop... anyone interested? LOL just so yall know, theyre downers, so be careful... they are STRONG!!! it knocks me out, and I can take handfuls of aspirin and sleep aids and still only get fucked up, and not tired... and one tiny Ceraquil knocks me on my ass and has me sleeping like a baby within a half hour, if not quicker...

I havent cut since before I went into the hospital... which is VERY good... I'm starting to gain back trust with my parents... I'm making remarkable progress considering the facts... I lied nearly continually to them for over a year, and they are starting to trust me again... things are good... I dont dread being home... staying home isnt a punishment anymore... and that rocks!

I'm extremely bored... I think I shall go up to bed now... I'll read more in my kick ass books and then conk out...

~Lata

Currently Reading Tommy's Tale : A Novel By Alan Cumming see related

hey yall...

yes, I posted, amazing... but my father is in NJ, and my mother, luckily, doesnt monitor my net use, nor does she have the tech savvy to look up the history...

I broke my beautiful piggy bank... all so I would have money for coffee... I had over 11 dollars in pennies!!! and I didnt even take all of em! but yeah, so then I remembered I had my twenty dollar borders gift card, so I didnt even have to use that money LOL and now, after I return that cd, I can get a new card for my cell, which is essential! I cant go without a cell... its sad... I would rather exchange for a different cd, but I need the phone more... cuz none of my friends can reach me if they need me late... which sucks... o, and I cleaned up the glass... I hated that... broken glass makes me feel sick to my stomach... which is odd, cuz its only glass, but I think its the sound...

Libby: I'm glad to hear that ur not cutting anymore hun*hugs* I wish I could say the same... but I'm going to see my new therapist for the first time in about a week or 2... so things will be fixed... I dont think I can talk to you until after I get over this tho... sorry... but I will call you, and I still have ur number... and u can text me anytime LOL

my mother is a fucking lier... she said she would be home at fucking 7pm, and its now 8pm, and she's still not home... fucking hell... I need her home so I can go out... I cleaned, and I kicked ass on this fucking house! I should be able to go out to Denny's dammit! BLEH!

ran into Nate at Borders... coincidentally... and the same with ROBERT as well*giggles* Robert got all nervous! I was giddy, but I acted as if nothing had happened... like I was happy to see just Amanda and Katie, but just kinda ignored him... he was only slightly better than he was at DQ... he spoke a few words to me at least... and he looked at me... bleh... whatever... I need to stop obsessing... bleh... and I'm really not... its just observational shit... really it is LOL

I love how I have to convince myself of my sanity

I better go... mom should be home soon, I HOPE!

~Lata

Currently Playing Infest By Papa Roach Thrown Away see related

I'm a fucking mess... I'm stupid and useless... my mother is freaking out once again... she is really stressed cuz of this stupid syllabis bullshit... I fucking hate this... its not my fucking job to do this shit... yet I'm stuck home helping her, even tho I would rather be at Denny's... I could really use a nice cup of coffee at Denny's right now... she is grating on my nerves... I am eternally grateful to the makers of xanax... without it, I would have killed myself by now... no fucking kidding...

I'm not ready for school 2moro... I didnt do my fucking art project... Hatwich will be pissed, but I dont give a shit about anything anymore... whatever... nothing fucking matters anymore... I'm just waiting for my time now... which will be a number of years yet, so I'm fucked...

o, and just so yall dont get blindsided by a rumour, yes, I'm cutting again, and I dont give a shit... it calms me down and makes me sane... fucking sue me... and I dont want any fucking lectures either... so save it...

I live to write and drink coffee at Denny's... I need coffee... it is essential to my survival now... I need to just take off every couple days and escape to the emo smoking corner at Denny's with my laptop and a book and just have some coffee and maybe order a plate of hashbrowns... Denny's is my higher fucking power... and wow, I've been reading too much Augusten Burroughs... I need to go to Denny's and just sit and type and have coffee and read, and RELAX! I should see if Jordan wants to go to Denny's 2moro after school... get some coffee and just sit and chat... but she will prolly be too busy or something... I hope she isnt tho... cuz I havent gotten to talk to her, like REALLY talk to her, in a LONG fucking time... and Denny's is just SO relaxing... its my sanctuary... it is usually deserted... and if it isnt, people leave you to your own business, for the most part...

I have pics from that thrursday... twas much fun, indeed... HEINZ! WOO! LOL but yeah, that was me pretending to be happy... just remembering Robert leaving that wrappery, ketchupy mess in his coffee cup... and then my thoughts progress thru that day to its end... That was a VERY good day... I will remember it for a long time... I havent been able to stop thinking about it... it was the happiest I've been in a long fucking time... and the alcohol made it that much better... but I have no alcohol to give me that warm, happy, fuzzy feeling I had... it makes me very sad... I mourn because of my sobriety... I shouldnt have to be sober... I'm technically not right now, but Rx's dont count if ur taking the correct dosage... so yeah... at least I'm not abusing my drugs...

tonite was a fucking mess... I hate it... I dont wanna go to school... I want to skip so bad... just run off to Denny's... I have the keys to my father's car... he's not in town for the week... maybe feign illness and sneak off... but the mileage... my dad would notice... but at this point, I dont really give a shit... I just wanna relax and escape...

I've been manic for a while now... I dont like being manic... its not fun... I'm so fucking tired right now... bleh... but I wont get to sleep for a while... prolly... and I dont really want to... I just wanna sit up all nite and type away in my laptop and gain insight into my pathetic little life and my stupid trivial problems...

MOOD: hopeless...

Currently Playing Cakewalk By House of Freaks see related

hey, just lettin people know I'm still alive... people worry, and I dont like that... I dont like when peple get all worked up over me... it bothers me... bleh...

I dont really have much to say other than I now havve mose of my shit squared away at shool, and I'm not gonna have to repeat senior year... which is DEFINATELY a good thing!!!

Just been catchin up on things... goin well so far...

hope yall are doin well urselves...

I need to get to bed... loads of work ahead of me...

~Nite

Currently Playing Infest By Papa Roach thrown away see related