Isnt it interesting how stuff from your past always finds a way of creeping up on you when you least expect it.  What would you do if you heard (through the grapevine) that someone you no longer speak to (for very good reasons might I add) is in trouble, and you could help them?  If nobody asked you to, and they would probably think it was an intrusion if you did butt in, but you could help them, would you?  or would you just say screw it, this is their mess, Let them lie in it.  Hmmm... tricky.

I think we all know what I'm gonna do, I just hate admitting that a part of me still cares. I have no reason to care. I should be laughing and triumphing because I just got proved right. Why do I have these stupid morals anyway?

So the funny thing is, I got a boyfriend, but not the one I was talking about last time. The guy from last time, while remaining a good friend, is not a person I really should be dating.

The new guy, however, is slowly becoming more and more perfect. His name is Patrick, and he works with me up in KC. (where I still work on weekends because I'm too lazy to find a job here in Manhattan.) He's tall and mostly Irish, complete with curly red hair (its not carrot top red, more like a dark auburn) He is increadibly sweet and he cooks for me. I had a root canal a few weeks ago and he made me French Onion Soup. He thinks I'm this amazing and perfect person and I just cant seem to disuade him no matter how hard I try. Every one of my friends and family members who have met him are in love with him (even my sister and she dosent like anyone!)

Now are you are all done having your heart attacks about the whole Leah being involved thing?

I know I never date, and I'm fully aware that this shocked the hell out of everyone (a girl at work asked me if it was a joke) but I had to step out and start dating sometime. It just took me twenty-two years. I have a good reason though, I dont see the point in dating someone when you can't see a possible future with them. I mean isn't marrige the ultimate goal? Well, I just rule people out a lot faster than others do. Why mess around?  I'm not saying, I'm in love, or getting married or anything like that. I'm just saying I can't find anything wrong with him yet. (Well, he is Catholic, but I figure there is time to convert him).

I'm not even going to pull that I hope it works out crap. I'm being very stoic about this, it probably will. We were friends first, and that has always been the big thing with me. I have a boyfriend, and he's great.

I CANT SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I haven't been able to sleep right since I came here. But now it is getting just plain stupid. My doc even gave me sleeping pills, humph! much good that did me. I'm restless, exausted, pensive beyond belief and just plain old nuts.

I'm great at starting projects but not at finishing them, this whole going back to school thing was a great idea... up untill i actually was expected to follow through with the day to day stuff. I'm not like failing or anything, dont get me wrong. But I am soooooooo bored. I dont want to do my homework! why did i ever want to go back to school in the first place. I mean yes i was hoping to find a way to avoid living in retail hell for the rest of my life, but what if its all "something hell" and i will never be satisfied. what if i waste the next two or three years on a degree that gets me right back behind a counter at Dillards?

I am getting delusional, must take more trezadone and try to sleep.

So I have finally hit the busy season with the whole school thing. I'd been wondering when all the tests would start. I've got an outline due tomorrow and and in class 4 page essay in spanish on wed. Follow that with a 3-5 page essay on the rhyme scheme and use of language in a poem by Sara Teasdale. I am also trying to find a job again. Here in Manhattan so I dont have to go back and forth to KC every other weekend. Seriously, I'm a little stressed out.

It will get better I know, but right now, UGH!!!!