excerpts from my thoughts...

"Father God  im embarrased to come to you right now. i haven't really - i mean really - spent time with you in a very long time. Father im always doing this. im sick of always doing this. i come to you when i need you and then i disappear with life is fine - what's wrong with me?  where is my committment to you? where is the fruit of my love for you - the actions that support these words that are otherwise meaningless?

"Nevertheless i am glad for these situations as they bring me back to you. Father i dont want to ask what is your will for me here. i already know that your will is that my heart's desire is to please you... and it is.. but how am i to know that this pleases you? Father if it is how absolutely illogical this is - that you want me to put my faith in you for this - then so be it. but Father i dont want to act foolishly, showing no wisdom or discernment, under the name of faith..."

at this very moment....

                                                                     ...im not doing too well...