| some good jokes A little boy walked into his mom and dads room while they were
fighting. The dad yelled, "You bitch!" And the mom screamed,
"You bastard!" And the little boy said, "Mommy, Daddy what does
that mean???" And the parents replied "Um...ladies and
gentlemen." And with that answer the little boy ran off to bed.
The next night the parents were really horny, the dad said "Nice
tits!" And the mom, "Nice dick!" And the little boy ran into the
room and asked, "Mommy, Daddy what does that mean???" "Um...hats
and coats." And with that answer the little boy ran back to bed.
The next day was Thanksgiving and all of the relatives were
going to be eating and celebrating at the little boys house. The
little boy was on his way up the stairs and ran into the
bathroom. When he swung the door open it hit his dad's elbow,
(the dad was shaving and he cut himself) "Shit!" He bellowed.
"Daddy what does that mean???" "Um, it is the name of the
shaving cream that I'm using, now run downstairs and see what
your mom is doing." And with that the little boy did as he was
told. Meanwhile his mom was slicing the turkey, and she
accidentally put her finger in the wrong place. "Fuck!" She
hollered and the little boy said , "Mommy, what does that
mean???" "Um, it means I'm cutting the turkey."
DING-DONG the door bell rang and the little boy scampered off to
answer it saying: "Hello all of you bitches and bastards, hang
up your titties and dicks. Dad's up stairs whipping the shit off
of his face and mom's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!" Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and
appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem
like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance
rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try
to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up
drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the
first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor,
I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "Seventeen
people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a
diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this and told them
this big circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle
is your brain after drugs". "That's admirable," said the judge.
"And you, how did you do?" The judge asked the second boy.
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 150 people to give up drugs
forever." "One-hundred-fifty people! That's amazing! How did you
manage to do that?" "Well, I used a similar approach. I said,
'This small circle is your asshole before prison....'" 1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your
neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence
with a bodily function noise
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot! My glass eye!"
6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a
cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh
relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it
erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while
yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"
11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of
toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor.
Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
15. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small.
Now what am I gonna do?"
16. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your
butt cheeks
17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your
"Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to
the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it
so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing
"Born Free."
|
well i hope tomorrow goes better than today. im really cold right now so im going to get off here.
