some thoughts from my heart, the one that broke yours...
Current mood: relieved
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

So I've been thinking... and USUALLY that gets people in trouble. But you see, trouble is what I was aiming for.  I wanted something that's extremely dangerous to ask for and I'm finding that the gift varries in its extremeness throughout one's life.  Before when I've asked for this, I've found myself in near death situations and so under the weather that I felt as though life simply can't go on, but it is in THOSE very situations that I am freed and can breath again.  Think of this, (and yes, this IS Bria/Braeli speaking... you may be seeing a side of me you haven't seen before, bear with me) say you wandered through a place that felt warm and free and cozi. It was comfortable and you weren't afraid to be yourself and live how you pleased, b.c it was working for you.  But one day you realized that it was alright and all, but from day to day, just the same.  It became so good that you felt bad about it and so easy to do something you may never have done before because you had't a care in the world. This soon comes to an abrupt end when you realize what's happeneing. It's almost like you've been slowly poisened and your perception of REAL life has become blurry leaving you with a "happy" place.  In a desperate attempt to free you from this endless "fluff" you call out to your maker whom you realize has not been number ONE on the priorities list for quite some time... you call out and say those words that you'll kick yourself for... you say... "break me".  THis sounds stupid. I mean seriously, why would you want to be broken when your very being is flowing with fullness.... but fullness of what? Of being happy?  happy for what? Of being content? content with what? Nothing's moving in any direction... nothing's happeneing besides that warm glow of "everything's ok".  I've come to realize YET AGAIN that being BROKEN, is possibly the only way to be FREE. and so i've asked for it, and really, I've been SO relieved.  Funny how when you have to start fighting again, when you have to start running and breathing heavy and getting on those pressious knees and weeping over lost time with a God who sacrificed ALL to relieve your pain... how THAT could be freedom. But in this reality, freedom may taste like blood b/c you're bighting your tongue, but it tastes a heck of a lot better then having cotten candy for the 1900th time in a row. So if you need more of an explanation, I'm up for a chat, i don't spend enough time with you guys as it is, and I'd love to share why being broken can be the best thing that ever happens to you!