brietta's Xanga

More on Aubrey::

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 15:52:20 GMT

:: Aubrey has decided in the last 2 weeks that she loves food. Like, she actually gets angry when we don't share with her! I wouldn't say that she eats astounding amounts, but she wants to be able to try everything we have. (Unfortunately for her, this isn't always possible for various reasons.)

:: Perhaps not coincidentally, Aubrey is really growing! Her cheeks are filling out and her belly is getting rounder! (This may also be in part because she suffers from slow bowels due to not wanting to drink anything besides breastmilk.) I am loving this!

:: We got a letter from the cardiologists last week saying they did indeed discuss Aubrey in a recent conference and have decided they would like to go ahead and schedule an esophageal echocardiogram. Daniel and I need to consult our calendar so we can plan this. I must confess that I'm kind of dreading yet another trip to Syracuse, but I realize this is an important step in Aubrey's care. While she'll have to be put under general anesthesia for this procedure, it is much less invasic than a heart catheterization, which I'm glad about.

:: Next Monday Aubrey starts this year's round of Synagis shots. Not a bit fun.

:: It has now been almost 5 nights in a row that Aubrey has only woken 2-3x. I am definitely loving the increased sleep! 3 of her 4 molars are in and the 4th has started breaking through her gums, which I'm sure is a large part of the reason that she's sleeping better again. Even though I'm starting to feel her last incisor making it's appearance, that sort of tooth doesn't seem to cause quite the misery molars do. Not to mention that since she's had the others for a couple months, her smile has been rather lopsided until now.

:: Thrush or whatever it was seems totally cleared up without taking Diflucan! Nursing is once again pain-free as of yesterday. Woo-hoo!!!!

Notes on my little people::

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 23:52:05 GMT

:: I think that Aubrey is turning out to be quite the silly girl. She already cracks up about the ridiculous games she and Daddy play together. Daniel seems pretty pleased that she's showing distinct signs of being a girl after his own heart in the humor department.

:: Boys and girls are so incredibly different! I never have to tell Bronwyn that she's not allowed to spit in the house. On the other hand, I never have to tell the boys that they need to stop crying about not wearing a dress today.

:: Tomorrow Gabriel has his first morning of Friday Program. I'm a little overwhelmed by the idea of not having him here for a whole morning each week (he does so much to help me these days!). I'm even more overwhelmed by how much I'm already missing "those days" as a mom. You know... when the little ones are all right here and I am their entire world. Gabriel will be going off on his own a bit, making friends and learning things apart from me. I've been excited for him as we've looked ahead to this, but today I'm just sad for me. And I guess I didn't anticipate dealing with these sorts of feelings for, like, another 10 years or something.

:: Jackson not only looks like a Sinclair with his bright red hair, droopy eyes and white eyelashes, and peaches n' cream complexion, but he does a number of things that remind me of my dad. Like the way he eats. So slow! The rest of us will have long emptied our plates, and still Jackson is quietly eating while we look on. He definitely didn't get that from Daniel or I.

:: Bronwyn keeps getting taller and taller. Somebody make her stop before I cry.

:: Gabriel still says Calithornia instead of California. Bronwyn still says lellow instead of yellow. Jackson still says biaper instead of diaper. The only time Aubrey talks is in the middle of the night when she stands in her crib and cries, "Mama! Mama! Mama!" And, yes, I think it's all incredibly cute.

life is a beautiful thing

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 00:45:34 GMT

Procrastination

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 19:20:05 GMT

We've had some really beautiful fall days. I think this autumn is the kind of autumn that we remember for years. The trees are unbelievable. The leaves crunch underground as you walk down the sidewalk. The sky is either blue or gray, but never rainy. The air is crisp while the sun is warm.

Perfect.

You'd think with such lovely fall weather that I'd be fully inspired for fall. I guess I've been pretty tired because I can't seem to muster myself up for much beyond the necessities: laundry, cooking, cleaning, schooling, training. Add to that regular strolls through the town with the kids and the necessary errands that seem to come up all the time, and I'm DONE. No pumpkin bread here. Not even an apple crisp. No raking of leaves, no cutting down of gardens for the winter.

Next week, I tell myself when I think of all the things I should be doing.

This week Gabriel starts Friday Program. He is mostly excited, if a little apprehensive. I can't believe this is starting. Is it OK if I kind of wish it wasn't? Can't we just go back to the toddler years? Forget about science fairs and choir performances and uniforms and textbooks? He's growing up and I think I'm just not ready. Not today anyway.

Next week, maybe.

I keep having to make decisions about our project. On the one hand, this is exactly my dream come true. I don't want ugly faux wood laminate countertops any more! I am so excited for tons more cupboard space and a family room. But, really, I have to pick out new stuff? And while I'm excited about the visions I have in my mind for the new space, I am also pretty overwhelmed at the idea of having to put it all together. I mean, seriously, can't general contractors make the curtains, too???

The dishwasher and microwave have to be purchased. We plan on waiting to get the new refrigerator and range next spring. There are more important things to take care of at present, like the heating system in our house. Which reminds me, we have to figure out when we're going to tackle some of that.

Next week.

It's a miracle!

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 11:41:18 GMT

The past two nights, Aubrey has only woken up twice, and both times she fell asleep much faster than the previous nights!

I've been using the two ingredients I was able to get for Dr. Newman's APNO and have been seeing marked improvement already! It's kind of making me wonder if what I'm dealing with at this point isn't thrush, but the results of treating thrush, namely dryness that leads to cracking and itching and rash, etc. Hmmm...

I am feeling very encouraged. Especially by how quickly the Lord came to my aid once I finally slowed down long enough to remember to ask Him. Silly that I didn't talk to Him about these struggles sooner.

Seven years

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 11:36:16 GMT

It's been seven years since the fall day when I became a wife.

At nineteen years old, I was naive and undoubtedly had many unrealistic expectations of what my future held.

One thing I wasn't just being naive about was that Daniel loved me and that God had brought us together.

What a wonderful gift he is to me!

Growing pains

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 16:26:04 GMT

Aubrey still isn't sleeping well. Last night she woke up 4 times before waking at 6:00 for the day. Her one bottom molar is almost all the way through, but the second is just barely breaking the surface. Co-sleeping isn't working at present because if she's in bed with me she nurses almost non-stop the whole night, which means I don't sleep at all because of thrush-induced pain.

The thrush situation has been frustrating. I have a wonderful doctor who will let me try most anything I can think of, but, unfortunately, not everyone is quite as receptive to my suggestions as she. After getting the list of ingredients and an emailed prescription for Dr. Newman's ointment, my doctor sent me off to the pharmacy, where I was promptly refused two of the four ingredients. Unfortunately, my home remedies, low-sugar diet, and probiotics aren't keeping up with this infection, which is now at the cracking and bleeding point [*wince*]. I have 10 days worth of Diflucan sitting in a cupboard, but I cringe at the thought of taking it.

You would, too, if you knew that one of the side effects could lead to serious cardiac arrhythmias. Yeah, just what Aubrey needs...

I'm tired. I'm in pain. If the infection itself wasn't enough, Aubrey has been nursing around the clock because of teething. She's also been struggling with some constipation for the past 3 weeks so I'm hesitant to offer her much in the way of food beyond breastmilk.

And so, yes, my attitude has been poor these past few days. If I'm not stressed, I'm hopeless. If I'm not despairing, I'm jealous [of all the moms out there who never face so many breastfeeding challenges]. If I'm not wallowing in self-pity, I'm panicking about all the What-Ifs.

In the end, as I cried all the way home from the pharmacy the other day and as I wake for what feels like the millionth time in the night, I realize that I've been settling. Yes, I forget to bring these "small" issues to the Lord in prayer, feeling that somehow I must deal with them with my own finite resources instead of bringing them to the One who is control of all. But, mostly, I've been settling in my attitude. I've been forgetting that peace isn't a circumstance or a feeling or an environment. Peace is knowing Jesus. Peace is my eternity being settled. Peace passes understanding and situations.

These growing pains are hurting right now, but I'm grateful for them all the same. I cling to the knowledge that He is working the filth of sin out of me, little by little. I want to be like Him more than I want things to be easy.

So far this week...

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 02:13:56 GMT

... I've picked out and purchased all the paint for the new kitchen/family room. Fun and yet oh so stressful! In 3-4 weeks I'll get to see if I love, hate, or am just-okay-with my color choices.

... we added to our household! Laura is her name and she is in her mid-twenties. She has blond hair and laughs a lot and is already a comfortable part of our home. (It helps that she spent a week here at the end of August when she was considering moving up more permanently.) We don't know how long she'll be here (probably at least the rest of the semester, after that, who knows???), but I'll take whatever we get. She's a blast.

... Aubrey slept two nights in a row only waking once to nurse. It was amazing. Unfortunately, last night she was back to her former ways of waking 5-6x between the hours of 10pm and 7am. Ugh. I mean, I'm not asking for 1x/night wake-ups or anything-- 2-3x/night sounds just about perfect-- but I wouldn't mind a little more shut-eye either. I'm just saying.

... the kids have spent lots of time outdoors. They are "exploring" in the trees on the edges of our yard. I think it's incredibly cute that they are so small and this world is still so big and amazing to them. I hope they never outgrow being enamored by all there is to see and experience in God's creation.

... we've eaten tomatoes, green peppers, and summer squash from our garden. Such days are numbered, unfortunately, so I am trying to enjoy every little bit as much as I possibly can.

... the leaves have really started to turn and I must say that it's beautiful enough to make up for the descending cold and the impending loss of our fresh vegetables. I love autumn in the north country. Truth be told, I'm not sure I would love autumn as much as I do if I hadn't grown up here. There's just something about this place in the fall. It takes your breath away.

... I've been encouraged and renewed in the Lord's goodness. Last week was a sad and heavy week for me for a number of reasons. In the midst of sadness, He reminds me that while it's true that this place, this earth, isn't my real home, His joy is still my strength. I'm thankful.

The joys of teething

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 14:36:10 GMT

Out of my four children, Aubrey has handled teething the worst. The boys were typical teethers-- a good deal of fussing and drooling, and a bit less sleeping than usual. With Bronwyn, I often didn't realize she had been teething until I saw new teeth-- nice! Then there's Aubrey...

Aubrey runs a fever, usually gets a runny nose, sleeps pathetically, nurses at least every 1-1/2 to 2 hours around the clock, and cries almost non-stop when teething.

Guess which one of my four children is the only one to get both her bottom and top 1-year molars right around the same time?

Yeah... you guessed it.

*sigh*

I'm tired.

No more sugar

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 00:43:37 GMT

My first sugar-free week is going pretty well. There have only been 2-3 times when I've really wanted something sweet and they've all been in the afternoons (boy, was I desperate for a pick me up!). I've been surprised that the urge hasn't hit me in the evenings since I'd thought most of my sugar intake came after the kids are in bed, particularly on the nights I'm home alone (which is at least 3-4 out of 7). Apparently I had an afternoon habit that I didn't like to acknowledge.

Now, I should mention that I haven't cut out natural sugars, which is what really hardcore anti-candida dieters do. I tried that once last December and had such a bad blood sugar crash I actually thought I was having a heart attack. (Okay, so I sometimes over-react...) My sugar-free diet simply means I'm not eating any refined or processed sugars. This week I haven't happened to have any honey or maple syrup, but that hasn't been intentional. I'm also eating my regular amount of fruits each day.

I'm still really tired, so I guess cutting out sugar isn't the magical cure-all I was hoping for. But the thrush doesn't seem to be any worse and might even be mildly improving, so that's good.

I must say that I'm looking forward to Saturday, though! I have to make cookies tomorrow to send to the Rick Mackin House Raising this weekend and I'm already planning on making extra so there are some here for the family. Of course, I know I need to set limits for myself over the weekend or I will have completely missed the point of this whole thing!

Overall, I know this is really good for me (in more ways than one), and I'm glad I'm doing it.