it's funny how things work out like this, how i suddenly got the urge at 1:38 in the morning to update my xanga, which i havent written in for almost two years, but i guess sometimes that's how life works out.

like i've said before. i want to be a writer-the carrie bradshaw type though, not the librarian type.

i know this is no sex and the city column, and i know full well that this will go unread to the vast majority of people, but i like writing like this, so i'm going to.

junior year-when people say it's the most stressful year you'll have to endure, they're not lying. to be honest, there have been so many times this year where i'm genuinly unhappy due to the amount of work and pressure i have on me on a consistant basis. but i survive, and take it one week, essay, and test at a time. it's stuff like this that makes me happy that i have friends, and even though it's highschool and drama dominates the social scene, i try to laugh at it because i know in the scheme of things, it won't really matter. honestly, over the summer i toned myeslf down and realized this year what fun is. last year, my friends and i were the girls that needed a party every day of every weekend, in fact...i don't know if i actually had a liver afterword. don't get me wrong, i still enjoy partying, but i can have fun without it. the people that don't know how to though, that's who i feel sorry for. some of the best nights this year have been sober ones, the most recent that i can think of being the abington/cheltenham basketball game...where something as simple as a double overtime victory against our rivals, avenging our lack of homecoming, united the whole school and the gold rush took over abington.

abington. i kind of laugh every time i say it. so do my friends. i guess you could say that i have a little bit of a past with abington. when i explain stuff like this, i have to laugh at myself because it really makes it seem like my life is a joke. it's funny how people can have different reputations in one school than another, and i guess due to the fact that "abington boys" seem to be my boys of choice, i have a reputation there for getting around. when someone told me that they thought that of me, back in the beginning of the year, i was shocked, because back at cheltenham people don't think of me like that. i kiss boys, so what, i like it...but RARELY do i do anything other than that because i repect myself. i don't like being used, it's the worst feeling in the world and i really wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

but that's what boys do to you...or me...but i assume a general you can be used there too. i can honestly say that i have never had a real boyfriend. to be honest, i don't know if i could handle it, but i'm ready to try. that's not to say that every guy i walk up to i want to be my boyfriend, because that's dumb and to be honest whenever i hook up with someone and see their picture or something the next day, i physically gag and lose attraction to them altogether, but sometimes i think it would be nice to have that kind of comfort object. but then theres certain things about a boyfriend that kind of make me nauseas. first, i can't stand to be touched around my neck, and people always do it to me...really though it give me chills and gets me really anxious. also, armpit hair really creeps/grosses me out...yet if i were to end up with a guy who shaved it that would be really weird. still though, armpit hair, or extensive body hair for that matter, is gross. theres also just times i like to be alone, and when i'm around people i really try to be a happy upbeat person almost all the time...but that's kind of tiring and i like to just be alone sometimes and sleep or watch tv or something.

hm, while i'm spilling everything, what else is there. i dance, a lot. i love it, i love the people i dance with, it's something i've been doing for a long time and truly enjoy. i won't lie, i'm not amazing at it, but i get by and have fun with it, and i love being flexible and in shape. i also play soccer pretty much year round, club in the fall school in the spring. i hate running, but i love being in shape, and i love my HUNTER LADYHAWKS so much. it's funny that it took us this long to realize that we could be close despite the fact we attend different schools, but those girls are my life...and i really do love them.

so i think that's it. my room's hot pink and orange, i think that says a lot about me. i have a list of things that i wish i was good at, some items include singing as number one, surfing, competitive gymnastics, competitive diving, and guitar, but for now, i'm content with my life.

after that novel i just wrote, i'm going to end it by quoting a movie that recently saw and loved:

              "this part of my life...this part right here? this is called happYness"

let me clarify something that aparently has been misunderstood: me and blair were NOT attacked, here is what really happened...

after our soccer game, me and blair were walking back to my house from school. we were right across from glenside elementary when a car pulled up right next to us and rolled down the window. the people inside started yelling things like "hey! hey! turn around! come here! get in the car!" so me and blair just kept walking, really fast. the people kept yelling things at us so we turned at the first street we were gonna pass so that...yeah. so we kept walking and yeah we were both really scared and honestly didnt know what to do cause we had so much stuff with us that if we had to run, we couldnt. so we kept walking when brittany comes out of her house and we go into her house, and as we're going into the house we can still hear the people screaming. brittany's on the phone with andrea at this point and britt tells her what happened to me and blair and andrea tells her that a car that we described pulled up right outside her house about half hour earlier while her and her sister were outside. so i called my parents to come pick us up and they called the police, who came to my house to take a report.

that is the real story folks, so please, no rumors.