Frustration.

I hate....

-that my self control is so weak.

-that I am so fat fat fat fat fat and ugly

-that I have no job

-that I am a terrible dancer

-that I cant lose 10 pounds but my bbf can have a baby and go right back to a '0'.

-that I lost the best thing that ever happened to me

-that he found his 'soul mate'

-myself

Sorry about the rant. How are you ladies doing??

Try HARDER

fake it

So I havent updated in awhile because I went to Kings Island [amusement park] on Saturday. We got there when it opened at 10am and left at 10am and I didnt eat all day. I ate a kind of fatty breakfast so that it would stick with me and I wouldnt get hungery. But I think I burned or sweated off all the damage it would have done. At 11:30 that night all I ate was a 4pc chicken nugget from mcd's. only 190. Then yesterday I discovered that I have some pretty intense sunburns, like almost if not sun poisoning. I am pretty much in alot of pain. I had to spend the day baby-sitting my cousin which wasnt too bad and all I ate was one pancake, and four pc chicken mcd, and then i had an ice cream cone that I regret alot. and that was it for yesterday. I hope to do equally good today if not better. I need to weigh myself, bc Im perty sure I lost at least a pound. I hope I did anyways.

WhAt a giRl waNntS

b: nothing so far

Plan for the day; do NOT eat. I am going to the doctor today. And I have to get weighed everytime I go there. I do not want to weigh in. I know I will be more than last time. Ugh I cant wait to get to my first goal weight.

edit 11:50pm update

l: subway- 345

d: nothing

total- 555 [yay]

So I weighed in at 148. But The doc app. was scary....My stomache is in knots. They did an EKG and it had some irregularities in it and now I have to have an echocardiogram. And they took alot of blood so they can do a bunch of tests...including a pregnancy test. I would be about 3 months along if it came back positive. But I can NOT be pregnant. I took like 4 home tests all said no. But the doc seems to think, that maybe I am. Ugh I hate this. Too much stress. Im going to kings island tomorrow, and idk, im not feeling it. I wont know the results of my blood work til Monday at the earliest. Im scared about alot of things like that I might be pregnant, or that there is something wrong with my heart or something else shows up in my bloodwork.....Im sooo worried and scared and a million other things.

Dance the fat away; cut the pain away

b: special K- 210

Ugh and I said I wasnt going to eat breakfast. Grrr. Well anywayz I am going to try not to go over 600 cals. today. Will update more later w. lots of thinspo for my guuurllls ♥!

[edit update]

l: 6 pc chicken-280

s: nothing

3am: bowl of cereal-210

Total intake- 700 ugh. I went 100 over. If I could have just not eaten that last bowl of cereal everything would have been okay. Grrrr.