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brittanymc2007
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Name: Brittany
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Austin
Birthday: 7/28/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: Good Spelling and Grammatical Accuracy. Sleep. Stars. Pictures. Chapstick. Double Meanings. Sunglasses. (Im)Perfection.
Expertise: Finding good song lyrics to relate to any situation.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education
Message: message me
Member Since:
4/19/2005
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| Hm.I'm going to Houston this weekend for family and Mariah time because I have agreed to pick up Jas from the airport on Sunday. Yeah. So I got that going for me, which is nice. (But the gas will cost a lot... so that isn't.) | | |
| I'm turning nineteen in an hour and forty-three minutes as of this sentence.
Yeah.
So let's see...
I feel:
-fatter than ever.
-lonelier than ever.
-hesitant as ever.
yes. yeah. okay. | | |
| Not to mention those who I was not as close to...I keep saying one a year for four years. But, I must say I am looking only at the McAllister side when I say that. I've lost one of my great-grandparents on the Bertrand side, and another on the Patterson/Brown side. In addition, there have been a couple of uncles who I've only met once or twice who have passed away since 2005 as well.
I am gearing up to move all of the stuff from my house to my new apartment in a month, so last night I spent some time sorting through pictures, newspaper clippings, etcetera. In my closet I kept a large bag full of high school graduation and 18th birthday cards I received last year. I went through all of the cards, and realized that there were two cards from people who had since passed away. People who cared about me deeply. "You go for it, baby," read one of them, and "We couldn't be prouder of you," read the other. These were just part of the handwritten sentiments, not the actual printed card text. Cancer, and still waiting on the autopsy..., killed two people I love in the short time since I've walked across the stage with my 69 fellow graduates of the class of 2007 of Kountze High School.
It's so strange how much things change after high school. I've made every possible attempt to see one of my friends who constantly tells me how much s/he wants to see me when I come back to town, and every single time, it has never failed, something gets in the way. I've learned to prioritize my connections and not to spread myself so thin on wasted time spent with those who don't care to stay in touch with me forever or vice versa.
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| One More Gone...I've lost one family member a year for the past four years. Wow.
I'm devastated. Fucking devastated. | | |
| Thoughts from the head of an almost nineteen year old girl...So, my birthday is in ten/eleven/something days, and I've never felt more blah about it. My latest plan is to drive home Friday evening and return Sunday evening, and to go to work and class as usual on my birthday with a probable obligatory birthday dinner and drinks at my place afterward.
It really bothers me that I'm not excited about this, and that I have no one else who is either. This will be my third birthday missing at least one of my parents and my second without both, so it doesn't seem like the orphan complex is flaring up in that respect.
But, in other news, it totally is. And in a whole new way. A way that makes me want to carry on their behaviors, their traditions, their legacies, and their names. I'm totally obsessed with the idea of having a daughter (or adopting a daughter, etc.) named James Dawn. I've always hated the name James until recently. It seems regal and more unique than I had previously realized. Pops' name was James Donald, his eldest son's James Ronald, and subsequently his eldest (and only) son James Clinton. All of them went by their middle name, possibly making me think that there was something just not cool about being called James. I have another friend who shares the name, but he, too, goes by something different. I've only ever heard of one girl named James. I think her name is James King. She's some little known silver screen actress, I believe. But, I am just totally fascinated by the idea. And this is big news for me, as I've had my baby names planned out since the day I was born. It's almost as if I finally understand why people name their children after their fathers, etcetera. I've always been tied to the idea of keeping my last name, at least as a hyphen type deal, if I were to actually get married (pfft!), but now, I just want to be tied so much to what I lost, that I must name my child James Dawn. Also, the Dawn is equally important. Dawn is my middle name because it was Maw Maw's middle name, which makes it indescribably special to me.
Also, back to the adoption issue. I've been torn on this for a while. I want to adopt because I am concerned with human population growth, I don't necessarily want to have to deal with my body changing in that way, and I am deeply saddened by the amount of orphans and otherwise abandoned children anxiously awaiting someone to show that they care for them. The only reason I've ever been able to come up with for actually birthing a child is because I'm into genetics and I'm curious to see how much my child would look like me. The more and more I think about it though, this reason is even more selfish than it originally presented itself to be. My family is very unique. There are so many of us who were adopted at some level or another, whether within the family or not. Not everyone knows who their father is, and some think they do but actually don't. I can't even trace my grandparents back on one side at all for this reason. And I also know that you can't always count on those who you do have blood ties to. And maybe this sounds cliche, but I've learned that family has nothing at all to do with genetics. It's about who you can count on, and who seriously loves you unconditionally. Maw Maw and Pops loved everyone in our family unconditionally, regardless of how some of us felt about a particular person at a time when we didn't approve of their actions.
I've always felt as if I were the connecting link in my family, and even more so now that Maw Maw and Pops are no longer with us to hold everyone together. When I say I go home, I schedule my visits to see everyone in the family, and because of my time restrictions I'm able to do something that otherwise wouldn't be done: force my family members to actually see each other. I've never realized just how important my family is to me until this moment.
![Maw[1]](http://x7a.xanga.com/d888611228050200564267/z39874890.jpg)
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