I love journaling.  But I haven't done it in so long.  I go through spurts, you know?  When I have time to contemplate life, I write.  I love that I have journals from when I was ten.  I don't ever want my life to get so busy that I can think about things the way I love to--deeply.  And then express them.  I slept in a little this morning and woke up and threw a sweatshirt on and turned on worship music on the TV since our DVD player is our only source of audio sound.  Then I sunk into our big chair in the living room and wrapped myself in my down comforter from college.  The room wasn't quite full of light, so it almost seemed like someone had lit candles.  My roommate was asleep in the other room, so I took advantage of the alone time and brought out my Bible...and my journal.  It had been such a long time.  Now, when I say long time, it had only been about a month, but during the summer I wrote almost every single day.  Of course, I didn't do anything but sleep in everyday and write in my journal, but that's beside the point. 

This summer was good.  It reminded me of the things I love...the important things.  The things that make me me.  Things like country music, little sisters, weiner dogs, roasting marshmallows in the backyard, babysitting, little boys, motorcycle rides on the back of my daddy's bike, swimming in the neighbors pool, boating with high school friends, family dinners on the back deck, neighborhood barbeques, church, playing the piano in an empty room, driving with the windows down, teaching underaged sisters how to drive, nephews, weddings, camping, family vacation, birthdays, sleeping under the stars wrapped in a down feather comforter at a local park, and everything else that comes with being home. 

Journaling.  I journaled a lot at home.  And played the piano.  I don't have a piano here, and I have had a tough time being motivated to journal.  But this morning I did.  I took out the pen and began writing.  And these are the things I learned...

I am honest when I write.  I'm honest about what I'm feeling, what's bothering me, how I dealing with it, and if I've talked to God about it.  This morning I realized I have been doing a lot of assuming lately.  And you know what ass-u-ming does...I assume I have taken it to God.  Ultimately I know he is in control and he has what is best for me in store.  I'm not worried about where my life is going. 

But I haven't been telling him the everyday things.  You know, "Dear God, I'm frustrated with the fact that I have a horrible driving record and feel like there is nothing I can do about it."  or "Dear God,  I love my roommates.  Sure, Jonette makes weird noises when she sleeps, but Shaya gives the best backrubs in the world, and they make me cookies and buy me sparkling cider when I'm feeling down."  or "God, I don't know why...I don't know how...I need your help...I need your wisdom..."  Sure, I know everthing's going to be okay.  But there is something special, undefinable, irreplacable about telling God the little things. 

It's like being in a family and knowing what's going on, but not talking about it.  There is such a deepness that seeps in when we communicate what we are feeling or going through.  When someone you really care about shrugs off the usual "I'm fine" and shares what is really going on, it is almost like you feel honored to have them share such an intimate part of them.  There is a trust that is built, and you begin believing, "I can trust this person with my feelings and emotions...my ups and downs of life.  Because they love me the same and they care--really,truly.  They want to help...to make life more bareable." 

So I decided, after journaling my latest emotions about life this morning, that communicating the specifics of life and praying for direct circumstances is way too important to put off until the end of the month.  I need to be reminded of the deep relationship I have with Him and take advantage of it.  After all, he cares, understands and holds more power over my circumstances more than anyone else. 

Each person has their own way of deeply communicating...mine is journaling.  And playing the piano by myself.  I really miss that...but I do have a DVD that plays worship music, a big comfy chair, a college comforter...and my favorite journal.  It's not just a thing, Britt.  It's you...communicating, expressing, relating.  Find the time...