| | I just don't even know where to begin. I've missed a lot I feel by not posting on this wretched thing. That's so characteristic of my personality too- I feel, what's the point of posting today when I've let all the time just slip by. But tonight I had to post. I turned 19 today. No biggie- 19 is simply filler. But it was a pretty spectacular day. I've learned a lot in the past couple of months, in the past year, in the past few years. I'm so grateful that winter break came when it did. I'm grateful to Jamie Breese for being a little light in my life- for showing me that it is okay to feel strongly about things, not to brush off your emotions as I so often do. Being a people pleaser isn't a bad thing, but I don't want it to be my thing. It is important to please yourself. I have been hurt really badly in my life. I've suffered through more than most anyone can imagine. That makes me me. I'm not proud of it but it can't be helped. I realized tonight something I didn't know. My heart has been broken. It's broken and I didn't even realize it. Funny, considering I was never even in love. Fuck the notebok. No seriously, fuck being careful. I'm over it. I have a million and one thoughts that run through my head everyday. Why shouldn't I let my emotions pour out onto the ground, into the souls of those I care deeply about. I apologize to everyone I've been closed off to. I'm so lucky and have so much to be thankful for. A piece of me is empty yet, I have not yet learned how to fill that void. But it will come. I've had maybe a little bit to drink tonight- afterall it is my 19th. I probably make no sense. I'm not having a revelation really, well maybe, but certainly no moment of clarity; no closure- it probably will never come. Love. Goodnight. |
| | Posted 12/16/2005 6:16 AM - 1 view - 4 comments
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