speechless....
now that i've had time to think about things....i've realized that the only thing that can make my life worse....is losing that one special most important person in my life right now...and if i lost that person, i'd be tempted to either cut myself off from the outside world, or take my life away....it seems like all my friends are drifting away from me....
i don't know...maybe its me....maybe not?  i've never felt this LEFT OUT or so much of a loner before...nor have i been depressed this long before...i feel like everyone around me is fake... ????
{oh boy}
Edit//
well today was actually not that bad, now that i actually hung out with friends...at 6th...even though its always fun with them it just doesn't feel right anymore...why?? i wonder and actually i sort of regret takin that one week away from my friends because now im stuck with this oddness, and i feel like an outsider instead of the insider, like how it used to be.
ANYWAYS
went to Ruby Tuesday with dad and diane...it was fun..saw cedar crest ppl all dressed up for their Homecoming...boy oh boy do they dress formal!! hold shit some of the dresses could be prom dresses...and their was this one dude dressed in this neon green and orange clown suit..i should dress like that for next years homcoming 
then we went to Kohl's, and i got a tan jacket and a pink fleece one...their hott...
i wanna go back tomorrow cuz they have a lot of good clothes and underwear for cheap prices!!! either there or i wanna go to the mall....IDK...
i miss becky...
i miss becky and missy time...
i miss how i used to be happy...
i miss how i didn't feel like an outsider... | 
wow...