I wrote this tonight for someone I know.  I can relate from my past experiences.  It was kind of nice to get writing again.  I never know how much I miss it until I dabble in it again.  I don't have music for this written out, but....well, I'll let you hear it how you want it to be heard.  Enjoy all.

___________________________________________

When I walked up you were there

You looked like you were the cool kid.

When you met my glassy stare

I must have looked the fool kid.

Walkin’ to class, to cars, to rooms

Something happened to me.

Findin’ my way, my hope, my dreams

I finally let you woo me.

Chorus:

We’re too early to be right

I’m just a little too late to be wrong.

I wanna be in your arms each night

But baby right now I’m just not that strong.

I want to be everything you need

And give you everything you want

But now just isn’t our time

Too soon, too late, so long.

When I found out what you liked

I knew I could make you happy.

When I saw you I got psyched

I know it must sound sappy.

Goin’ through life, through times, and trials

You made things seem less hard.

Fallin’ in traps, in holes, in love

I finally let down my guard.

[Chorus]

The way I know you now

I know I was a fool kid.

Nothin’ could have taught me how

To stop loving you kid.

But this isn’t the time, the place, the way

That we were meant to be.

I’m willing to wait, to watch, to live

Until you finally see….me

It’s just that….

[Chorus]

_________________________________________________

that was my creative burst for the night.....or month.....or summer.....we'll see.  Hope it struck a chord w/ someone out there.

Father, thank you for this song.  Thank you for giving me the occasional gift of inspiration.  Thank you for life, despite its complications.  Thank you for caring friends and meaning where and when it's needed most.  Let those nearest me know that I love them and that their friendship is dearest to my heart.  Thank You.
Amen.

-Casey

"The speech from Y1E" (in its entirety)

My friends, as we are here at this noble institution where understanding and caring and love are to be of paramount importance, we find only a travesty.  Here, where we are taught open-mindedness and logical thought, we find everything but.  Here- of all places- where we are taught of sharing our Father’s love with the world, we find nothing but hypocrisy.

Fellow students, a tragedy is occurring in our midst even as we speak.  The horrible reality of our situation stands before us hitherto ignored.  It creeps further into our lives and, until now, has gone unopposed and unnoticed.  This three-headed demon is poised and prepared to consume us if we are unaware.  This false idol promising false hope, false acceptance and false love is ready to devour our lives and become who we are.

For months, maybe years, I have struggled to combat this demon.  First I found ways to evade him, then ways to disable him, but was always helpless when a friend or loved one fell as his prey.  Now I say ‘No more!’  Here and now I make my stand against all that he stands for and all that he corrupts.  Here and now, we together will fight him with every ounce of conviction that we possess.  Here and now, we will finally bring this creature to its knees before us, and we will regain who we rightfully are.

Now, there is no single way in which you may be at risk to succumbing to the wiles of this clever, but evil, creation of the world.  There are no bounds to the ways that it can represent itself.  Only when you find your actions hurting another-possibly your friend, possibly your significant other, mother, father, children, or even God- will you see his face.  He will find your downfall.  He will search you and test you until you are weak enough to bend to his will.  Then and only then will you know his true nature, and that is the time when you are most helpless to resist.

He will change you, slowly making you compromise what you believe in order to fit in, or be happy in a given situation.  He will challenge what you believe, feel, want, and think until you cannot find yourself amongst those ‘minor tweaks’ to your personality.  Your friends, family, and colleagues may be a rock against this change.  They may tolerate you and hope for the best.  They may even change with you.  But, my friends, I stand before you knowing that when they fail to make the realization that he is, in fact, a threat, they are beyond your help.

This beast is unpredictable.  He will strike without warning or delay.  When you offer a friend your helping hand and it is slapped away, he is near.  When you find yourself criticized for showing affection, he is near.  When you are, yourself, suddenly attacked for something that has not changed, he is near.  When those around you begin to look more and more inward and ignore their effects on those they once loved, he is near.  When the people of the world find themselves distracted from righteous goals, he is near and waiting.  When criticism turns to distrust and hate, he is near and maneuvering.  When you are unable to affect the situations around you for simple fear of losing the tenuous grasp on civility that you have, he is near and preparing.  When you find yourself in the most hopeless of situations and cannot change a thing because all that you do will be attacked and torn down by those who put you there with those same means, he is no longer near.  He has struck and only the grace of God can give us the sight to turn him away.

When those you love are taken by this treacherous creation, there is little you can do but be sad and pray.  Do not let them be forgotten, but neither should you let them continue to tear you down.  Pity them friends.  Pray for them, and pity them, for it is a sad existence and only God can save any of us who live it.

How sad to see what an angry life some people lead....and how sad that some things that are so trivial in the larger picture can take up so much time and effort.  How sad that some things change so drastically from what they once were.  How sad it is that some people change the way they do.  How horrible obsessive hate becomes when it has overstayed its due time, and how welcome is- if nothing else- civility when that hate begins to weaken its hold and constraint on life.  And most of all-most painfully ignorant and hurtful of all- how blind of people to believe that they can cut a person, an entity, an entire existance out of their lives for the sake of convenience or of being right or of never giving in.  How sad life would be with nothing but rants, hate, face value relationships, regrets, and faded memories of what could have been.  How utterly. morbidly. tragic....

Live your best everyone.  Even respect is a form of love, and love should be shown to everyone by everyone.  I'm not a perfect example of this loving attitude, and I never will be, but that gives me something to strive for.  I'll live out my potential, and to the best of my ability, I'll live it out in God's plan.  I'll pray as often as I can for God to give me His love to show the world, and He'll give me what I need.  Be aware, my friends, of how you act, and be aware of the consequences, because they can't be avoided forever.  Our wrongs will haunt us as living ghosts in our memories, dreams, and nightmares.  Our accusations will earn us nothing but spite in return.  Be open, all who hear, to the possibility of the grander scheme and put aside the petty trials and tribulations of the mind in favor of troubles of the soul.  For only when we feel whole as ourselves can we begin to adequately understand, gauge, and respond to others.  Be free, friends, to observe without malice, to question without bitterness, and to see the world with no bias.  See yourself, and only then will you be able to fully see the community around you.

An excerpt from "The Speech From Y1E"

How sad to see what an angry life some people lead....and how sad that some things that are so trivial in the larger picture can take up so much time and effort.  How sad that some things change so drastically from what they once were.  How sad it is that some people change the way they do.  How horrible obsessive hate becomes when it has overstayed its due time, and how welcome is- if nothing else- civility when that hate begins to weaken its hold and constraint on life.  And most of all-most painfully ignorant and hurtful of all- how blind of people to believe that they can cut a person, an entity, an entire existance out of their lives for the sake of convenience or of being right or of never giving in.  How sad life would be with nothing but rants, hate, face value relationships, regrets, and faded memories of what could have been.  How utterly. morbidly. tragic....

Live your best everyone.  Even respect is a form of love, and love should be shown to everyone by everyone.  I'm not a perfect example of this loving attitude, and I never will be, but that gives me something to strive for.  I'll live out my potential, and to the best of my ability, I'll live it out in God's plan.  I'll pray as often as I can for God to give me His love to show the world, and He'll give me what I need.  Be aware, my friends, of how you act, and be aware of the consequences, because they can't be avoided forever.  Our wrongs will haunt us as living ghosts in our memories, dreams, and nightmares.  Our accusations will earn us nothing but spite in return.  Be open, all who hear, to the possibility of the grander scheme and put aside the petty trials and tribulations of the mind in favor of troubles of the soul.  For only when we feel whole as ourselves can we begin to adequately understand, gauge, and respond to others.  Be free, friends, to observe without malice, to question without bitterness, and to see the world with no bias.  See yourself, and only then will you be able to fully see the community around you.

I just wrote this.  it took me about 15 minutes if I counted right.  maybe half an hour.  It's kind of about nothing, and kind of about something.  take what you want from it because that's how I want my music remembered.

______________________________________________

I cannot be sure

Of anything.

Don’t know why I feel myself wond’ring.

Want to find some hope, some peace, some..thing.

I gave you all I could, gave you all my love.

I gave everything a friend could think of.

I gave my heart and soul, just to help you

And now that you have them, what are you gonna do?

I wanna know why I stand and wait

I wanna know why I cannot hate (what you do to me)

Why do I just take everything you do

And never say how I think I might feel about you?

I want to know why

Everything seems broken inside me

But, nothing falls apart.

I want to feel how

I feel when you are around me

But, your words shattered my heart.

I fly, to the moon.

I open up my eyes and look to the sky.

But I’m waiting right here for you.

I’m waiting to see if you notice me.

________________________________________________

Lifehouse-esque, no?  i thought so.  I'm dead tired, so it prly isn't my best, but please tell me what you think.

Father, I pray that my friends know that no matter how much or little I see them, no matter what stupid or smart things I say, and no matter how it may seem, I love them all with all my heart.  Keep filling me up, God, with your love that I can stay full enough to love those who need it most.  Amen.

-Casey

Well, it seems that I've avoided this posting on xanga business long enough.  I feel like I have been slacking off, and I don't really enjoy it.  The problem is, I don't really know what to say.  I think, however, that I've decided to start a new xanga.  not sure what it is/will be yet, but we'll see.  there are so many people who read this..... So many things that I feel like i'd have to censor for the sake of other people or my own well-being.  Besides, this moniker of mine has started to wear thin.  my broken hearts of the past and future have no bearing in a name.  This name serves only as a reminder of things that are over and done with.  Anyway, I will be seeing you from another, hopefully more secure, location.  Goodnight all, as the sun sets on this portion of life.  And with it, one final poem:

_________________________________

As the sun sets down
it's heavy load on the horizon
I can feel your heart beating
slowly in rhythm with mine

As I gaze across the Landscape
I see barren trees that will bear fruit,
salted earth that will sprout life,
and flourishing gardens that may have to die.

Seeing you, feeling you,
sensing you next to me is more than I deserve.
But is it more than I could ask
in such a short-lived life?

The fruit of the trees may fall and rot,
the salted earth may grow cold and dry,
and those gorgeous gardens may never grow back
if I never venture forth to nurture them.

The first step, or the last.
I'm never sure which the next step will be.
I know not the path,
but the destination.

The end is love.
the path is life.
some die, some live, some live to regret.
May the one true quest, I never forget.

God bless each and every one of you.  I pray this sincerely,

-Casey