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brokeninHishands
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Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Tyler
Gender: Female
Interests: reading, praying, dancing for Him, rainy days, spring days, classical music, His heart, smoothies, nations, cultures, dark places (where His light must shine), mission trips, boat rides, the unexpected, books, discipleship, studying, coffee shops, truth, playing catch, walking in torrential rain (or maybe running), hiking, loving people,
Him
Expertise: Nothing much except falling flat on my face at the most awkward moments ;)
Occupation: Student
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
9/18/2005
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| My heart is expanding again...beginning to feel...His feelings. It's scary. I don't quite know what to do. I'm crying a lot more at random things now. Before I could turn it off, turning off my emotional [empathetic] response to suffering or need or cries, but now...I am beginning to open up ever so little. And His grace is so good for me. I could not have made it this far without Him. And how much pain He carries! I'll never understand it! I feel so overwhelmed...but at peace...and soon I'll start seeing their faces again. I know that's what comes next. Sometimes I would see their faces while I was walking, but this time it's not just Oriental faces...it's my family. every girl in my house. any nation, at random. specific people I don't even know, or haven't thought of for years... And I'm scared. What do I do with them, these hauntings? I want to hold them, pray over them, tell them it's going to be all right...but what about when I can't, when it's not? I turned off my emotions for months, years, because I didn't how to bear pain, and it was easier to pretend that I couldn't see, couldn't feel. I even fooled myself into thinking that perhaps I could never love again, because I became so devoid of empathy/feelings for a time. I am not so afraid now. I want to feel their/His/your pain. I...will see it. And I am ready. Dear Lord, send me. | | |
| Hhhmmm...I feel jittery, like how you feel right before you run onto the stage to perform. You know your part, and you know what's coming, but it feels like 1,000 butterflies decided to take up residence in your stomach and flutter away at the same time. Ah, the joys of trusting God!  I have been thinking about dependence lately. How often do I talk the talk but ignore the fact that the way I am living doesn't match up with what I am saying? How often do I tell others to pray and seek the Lord about everything, when I find myself making it through a whole day (or more) without consciously setting apart time with the Lord? Do I really believe that I can do nothing in my own strength? Because apparently my actions are speaking much louder than my words... Maybe I feel like if I say it enough, it will be true. However, our actions are most often an overflow of our actual belief system. Am I deceiving myself by saying that I depend on the Lord? Because if I am not actively living that truth out, do I really depend on Him? I think not! But by speaking that over and over and not living it, it's like my mind thinks I am depending on the Lord, merely because I've said I do. Make sense? Perhaps I should be slower to speak and quicker to act. | | |
| So... I am going to a missions training/conference called The Journey Deepens this weekend. Once again, the Lord taught me to walk by faith and not by sight...it's a long story, and I'll post when I get back, as well as with updates from the conference! I'm so EXCITED, and all the glory goes to GOD! I love Him... p.s. Feel free to pray for me and the girl I'm with. There has been a lot of opposition to going this weekend, but I know that God has His master plan, and great things are going to happen. I love you all! Krista | | |
| I feel like the Lord is pulling lots of things together in my life right now... Hhmmm... It's weird to be experiencing things that I have dreamed of for a long time. Weird but good.  | | |
| So... I had a need. $163.16 worth of a need. I had a super-hard time lifting it up to the Lord, because I'm just not good at this whole "trust" thing. But...He told me something one day while I was having a super-hard time. He said, "Krista, I have always wanted to provide for you miraculously." And now, I am beginning to walk by faith and not by sight. Somebody (a dear friend) paid for the whole thing...and I don't even know how she found out. And you know what? God is my provider. Not my work. Not my good works. Not a job. Not a paycheck. Not investments or a "get-rich-quick" scheme." Not even my parents, or for that matter, my husband. God is my protector and my provider. Mmmmmmm...and it really is a good fight of faith. The knock-down, drag-it-out kind of fight that all guys seem to like and girls seem to cringe from. Yeah. That kind of a good fight. Not pleasant at the time, but in the end, faith (which is more precious than gold) becomes more refined and more pure, tested and tried. I do not protect myself. (Indeed, I cannot.) My gaze is to be for Him alone. He is faithful. I am my Beloved's...and my Beloved is mine! | | |
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