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brown_eyed_godess_x3
read my profile sign my guestbook Name: nicole Birthday: 10/15/1990 Gender: Female Message: message meEmail: email me Website: visit my website AIM: x sweetiie pie o MSN: xo-nicole-marie-ox@hotmail.com Member Since: 8/5/2005

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Monday, August 29, 2005

	new xanga -> fakiing_smiiles
	12:10 PM - 1 view - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it

Thursday, August 25, 2005

hey everyone. thanks for all your comments yesterday =) well i broke my fast last night after 50 hours. i had tuna on a roll (220) && an english muffin (300) && then i restarted my fast && i'm going untill saturday && then i can eat supper with my parents && hopefully they'll stop being suspicious. i'm going to eat only supper on sunday night too && then start my fast untill wednesday. sound like a plan? && i didnt binge, whoo!

for the first 24 hours of my fast i'm trying not to consume a single calorie, not even from coffee soo i have litterally NO energy because i've been having 2 cups a coffee a day for probably 2 maybe even 2 1/2 months. hm...working out if gonna SUCK. i'll probably force down some green tea. aka dirt.

breakfast: nothing
lunch: nothing
supper: 2 coffee's 60

exercise
jumping jacks- 48
tae-bo- 65
walk- 90
abs- 32

goshh! i want those legs!

anywayss most of you probably don't care to read this, but i need to vent. everything with my && my boyfriend is getting so dramatic again. more stuff happened && i'm going to tell you guys about it all.

well anyone wo read my post yesterday knows about the ifght i'm having with his ex && her best friend. well i was talking to them on HIS msn last night. && i'm going to post the convo.

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

so what were you sayin to nicole yesterday

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

i was telling her about you and me yesterday babi thats all

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

yeah right

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

yeah

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

and then she started getting all hard and shit so i told her i'd punch her cheekbones in

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

your full of shit

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

i love you too babi

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

this is teh stupidest think you tried to pull;

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

you really need to get a fucking life

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

oh don;t cry nicole

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

what?

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

some on bitch

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

fuck you say something to me

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

i dare you too

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

see what happend

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

s

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

i swear to god don;t start shit with ppl you don;t know

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

your the onee fu for no reason yesterdsay your a fuckinnn retard going aroundd sayin shit that aint true to people for NO REASON

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

**fuckinn startin shit

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

k thank you thats all i fucking needed you ugly ass bitch go and see what happens to you now

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

whatttever

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

fuck you, ima punch yo face in so fucking hard i'll be putting your face a favor

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

ugly ass cheekbones

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

have fun =)

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

i will too

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

i'll be having fun when you crying bout your face

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

i bet

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

bout how good of a job i did on it

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

you bet right you girl

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

andd how the hell are you going to get alllll the way down here i live huh?

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

i'll get chris to drive me

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

and if not then i'll drive on up my slef

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

oh you gonna cry now?

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

yeahhh right chris is gonna drive you downn here i fuckinnn bet

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

lol theres things you don;t know girl and i'm surprised he hasn;t told you yet

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

theress nothin i dont knoww your full of fuckinng shit

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

yeah we'll see when you down on the ground looking up at me

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

tyeahhh what ever

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

wondering how you got down there where you belong

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

good luckwithh the , really

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

yeah thank you and good luck getting back up off the ground

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

hahah

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

oh you laughing now? ahaha thats funny you think you gonna laugh all this off?

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

lol i thinkk your full of shitt && nothing gonna happen

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

you watch girl, you just wait i'll get you

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

mmhmmm

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

mmhmm all you want

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

you'll see

*chris*---->i love you nicole<---->your the world to me<---->i dont no what i would do with out you<------***it feels GREAT*** says:

rightt

Amanda, I Love You Glen -What a Fucked Up Day says:

yeah thast right

well thats lovely. && then after that conversation i went backk onto my msn where his ex started talking to me. we were fighting like that but she asked me whats going on between me && her friend (liek she wouldnt know ) && she wasl iek well chris didnt tell you that i was talkign to him? && shes like well the htign is nothign happened wej ust talked and decided to be friends. && i knew that wasnt even true because why the hell would he lie to me about that? he knows i don't care. && he had told me when we started goingg out the reasonn we wernt talking liek we used to before we started going out was ebcause he doesnt even think its right to talk to other girls when hes with someone.
afterr all this happened he called me && hes like "courtney texted me about half an hour ago" i was liek really whatd she say and hes likee the text sayss "chris your girlfriends being a phyco bitch and freaking out on everyone for no reason" so he asked themm why they were making up a bunch of shit about him and them that wasnttrue && she said she wasnt! its freakkkign retarded.

&& like after everythign that happened i trust him && everythign and i know hes not going to do anything but what of all this screws us up just ebcause so much is going on its liek hes the only thing i really haveb esides my best friends but i mean he is EVERYTHING to me i would litterally die if i lost him && i was thinking aboutt thatt && then he made some sort of comment about how when we hung out it was "weird and different" because we hadn't in over a yr and that he doesnt even know what to talk to me about, he said it was a good hting though because he liked being with me, but whatever i didn't liek the way he said it and i got all workedd up about that too && i started to cry lol i just can't handle all this. he didn't knwo i was cryign though he thought i sounded upset && i said i was just tired && hes like but it soundsl iek theres something wrong and he started apoligizing && saying he loved me even though he didnt really do anything.

pluss on top of all that, chris got into a car accident! not last night but the night before he was out with some of his buddies && devin was driving his car like a loonatic 7& evended up driving it off a bridge, it fell down a 40 foot cliff && then into a river. he got electricuded && hurt his neck & arm, but nothing serious. the car is the hitng in bad shape. chris has to spend all the money in his emergeny fund to fix it ( 4000$ ) plus he has to borrow 500 from hsi dad. it needs a brand new engine to run again && then a couple other parts too. i got upset abotu that and i said i didn't understand how we were going to get to see eachother and he PROMISED i'd see him by next week no matter what && not to worry about it, but i can't help it. this is soo messed up && on top of being ana && school starting soon its putting sooo much stress on me. ill probably gain weight because im so stressed out. ugh

wow tahts a crazyy amount to read haha any one who doess is liek amazing and i love them lol.

omg the collar bones!

EDIT
i just took an ice cold shower. only for about 10 minutes though so it probably didn't do much, maybe like 100 cals? i don't know what do you think? && then i did tae bo, jumping jacks, a walk, && my abs. i'm in a weird mood tonight. i really feel like exercising but i don't knoww what else to do. i guess its because i'm mad && this helps me let out my anger.

that amanda girl who was being a bitch to me, well yeah. i signed her up for 3 online diets, 2 online dating sites, && i signed her up for free lesbian porn =) i hope she enjoys herself. stupid bitch.

okay im like waaay too bored lol so IM me && we'll chat x sweetiie pie o

thatss it for now. i know its SUPER long. i'm off to commentt people && what not. seeyasss XOXO

10:17 PM - 1 view - 50 eprops - 29 comments - email it

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

heyy everyone. thanks for all your comments yesterday. i'm serious the support helps me stick to my goals soo much.

it's day 2 of the fast, its hour 41 =) i think i'm doing good.

intake
breakfast: coffee 30
lunch: veggie soup broth 15-20?
supper: TBA

exercise
abs (twice)- 64
jumping jacks- 16
walk- 126
might do more later

well i guess i'll count those abs as today because i did them at 12:45 last night before i went to bed lol, but it technically was today.

my boyfriends ex ( the one he left for me ) && her friend are trying to break me && him up. they were talking to me yesterday sayinng he was going to dump me && he never wanted mei n the first place. they were saying that he cheated on me with courtney (thats his ex) && all this other shitt that would screw me && him up when were doing so good! && its not fair for people to do this because the 2 of us have gone through so much stuff in the last year that i don't even feel like explaining but it was very stressfull and depressing && we finally worked things out && we are like perfect right now && they come along && ruin it!

&& i know he wasnt cheating its not even a possibilty becausee the day before that he spent 110$ on me, he wouldnt od that if he didnt care about me, plus he didnt even know she was back from vacation, plus he woke up at 12 30 && had to go to work at 1. he said if i needed proof of that his mom would tell him when he woke up, && he would show me his hours on his pay check thursday.

i told the girl to shut the fuck up and stop acting liek a god damn retard because i'm sick of its && its not going to change shit. && this is what she said to me:

i know you just didnt say that to me you know what i know where you fucking live do you knwo about the girl that went to the fucking hospital? do you know why she went there? because she was fucking with me. so dont try to cover this all up. by the way chris dont want you. your soooo fucking ugly child you might as well go get them cheekbones fixed or something, but i dont know if plastic surgury could even help you. dont even fuck with me again though or ill fix them for you by punching them in, bitch.

isn't that lovely. keeping in mind that she actully doesnt know where i live, but actulyl did send someone to the hospital. alsoo i need to keep in mind that shes 11 inches taller then me && probably about 70 or 80 pounds heavier. && becausee of ana ive got nearly no muscle mass, not in my arms anywayss i still have some in my legs though. so thats quite lovely. my boyfriend said if she threatens me again he'll do something aboutt it though, but even hes a bit sxcared of her lmao because shes almost as tall as him && definatly fatter.

i love lindsay, shes gorgeous.

EDIT
i had to put a new container in my room cuz my mom took my old one out! not to mention when she found it it had food in it! && i cant pretend to eat today by throwign food away becausee, theres no garbage bag in the garbage! and nothing in the compost so my parents will know! what is wrong with them! i threw a peice of fish out the window lol.

i'm goign to eat vegetable soup broth, just the broth i figure itll be liek 15 - 20 cals...what do you think?

EDIT
well i didn't actully get to take teh walk yet. but i'm going to go for it as soon as it cools down enough to wear jeans && sneaks cuz i have a stupid blister && i probably wont get to update after thatt so i wrote it down now.

i changed my hair style, what do you guys think?

anywayss thats it for now. i'm off to comment people && what not lol. leavee me some comments && i'll comment back. thankss! XOXO luv yas!
&& i'll up d ate later!

3:16 PM - 1 view - 44 eprops - 26 comments - email it

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

oh my god you guys i am so sorry i havn't updated or commented any one in forever. i feel so bad, i've just been sooo busy. but i'll get back on track now with everything && i'll be doing a crazy amount of commenting today to make it up to you guys. i'll post a bit more thinspo too.

well i've kinda got thrown off track with my eatting these last few days. friday at the party was good, i only had about 500-600 cals && i was walkign around all day/ swimming/ playing volly ball. so it wasnt bad. but sunday && monday are a different story. i didn't binge, that god for that. but those too days i was with parents friends && then with my boyfriend, so i ate like most people eat. probably about 1500 calories each of those days, and i had no time to exercise. i'm getting back on track now && i started a fast monday night at 5 pm. so i'll get you updated on everything thats happened to me.

today

intake
breakfast coffee 30
lunch coffee 30
supper TBA

exercise
abs- 32
jumping jacks- 16
hour walk- 174

might do more later.

saturday
okay so saturday i went to the pig roast with emma. it was funn except for a few bad things that happened. this first bad thing, we were taking a walk when randy (drunk out of his mind) started driving towards us on his fourwheeler like he was going to hit us, so of course we stepped back into a bush, well we thought it was a bush, it was actully about a 3 - 4 foot deep hole. we fell backwards into it && it was filled with thorns && there were liek over 50 spiders runnign all over us. so i cried haha && then randy carried me out & ralhpie carried emma out. after that i got sick && went home for an hour. when we came back we were walking down on the water with a group of people && my shoe fell off into the water. so i was abotu a mile into the woods, pitch black, no shoe, soaked wet from rain. it was pretty shitty, evan had to carry me the hole way back. i got so pissed off because his bitchy little sister was like "i feel sorry for you evan, carryign nicole, she must be REALLY heavy" but evan wasl ike "WHAT! NO WAY! ITS NICOLE SHE WEIGHS LIKE NOTHING!" his sisters a bitch lol.

i almost went that whole day without eatting anything but then around 11 o clock i gotp ains in my stomach so bad i oculd even walk && emma (she knows im ana) was like tell me that i HAD to eat andt hey were hunger pains, so i had a bit of pasta salad && a roll & some water and then they went away, so maybe she was right.

okay, i'm going to poast a pic of me && her at the pig roast =) i'm on the right.

so yup, thats me.

i never got to weigh my self saturday liek i had planned because my friends scale was broke, but i do know i've lost weight because i can fit into all her clothes now && she used to be 1 sometimes even 2 sizes smaller then me. so thats always good news right?

sunday
sunday i was still at emmas house untill about 3 oclock. we didnt do much & i didnt wat much. just coffe and 3 baby cookies. those cookies are actully good they stop craving and the 3 of them only had 75 calories. but then when i got home my mom told me we were going otu for dinner with my parents friends. so of course we went somewhere expensive with those like super high calories foods which just screwed me right over. && becausei had to leave as soon as i got home i didnt have time to exercise.

monday
yesterday i went out with my boyfriend for the day. it was so much funn. we drove for 300 kilometers. we just baically drove for 4 hours straight. i went to his house, johns house, brads house, && devins house. then he took me to tim hortens and bought me a muffin (300 cals =( ) && then we just went backdown by the water near my house && parked the car. well i tryed driving it and judging by how that went ill never have a liscence. i hit the gas as hard as i cood and went flying & then stopped right b4 i hit the water, then i put the car in reverse && went back and stopped right b4 i went in the ditch. then he got in the car with me and i started to drive down the road which was going good untill i picked up speed && he had to grab the wheel from me so i didnt hit a tree. after that we just parkedt he car again and i layed on his stomach and fell asleep. i just slept there for 3 1/2 hours , e was asleep for about half that time. when he wasnt asleep he had the back of my shirt up and he was just like rubbing my back a bit. we woke up cuz of his stupid cell phone tho =( lol it was a good day though, i love him so much. then when i got home, my dad had made home made turkey soup so god knows how many calories are in the, but i had 2 bowls && a roll, then i started my fast.

okay so there you go, you guys are all updatedd on everything that happened, if any one actully took the time to read all that lol.

EDIT
just got in from my walk. its freakkking hott as hell out. i'm so sweaty ins gross but atleast i got some more exercise in. i really want to get back on track, maybe even better then before. i want to loose alot more weight before school starts, which is in 15 days. i HAVE to be at my best this week though because i got back to school shopping next week && i want to be down a clothing size. the ned of the school year i was a size 5 or 7. right now at most stores i'm a size 3 && at american eagal i'm a 0. but i want those 3's & 0's to be a bit looser on me so i have some room for shrinkage after they go in the wash.

well thats it for now. i'll update later with my exercise and everything =) if i do more. . comment me && i'll comment you back. bye bye. luv yas XOXO niicole

4:34 PM - 1 view - 38 eprops - 22 comments - email it

Friday, August 19, 2005

wow. i got 36 comments yesterday. thats so great i love you guys so much. yesterday was like a horrible day for me with intake too. so saying that my plan for the next little while will be:

today: fast
saturday: fast
sunday: negitive fruit && chicken noodle soup
monday: fast
tuesday: fast

i'll take it from there. hopefully saying thats what i wanted to do isn't going to jinx it.

my intake so far for today is:

breakfast: nothing
lunch: coffee 50
supper: diet dr pepper
snack: green tea w/sugar 15

exercise
swimming- 160
biking- 134
jumping jacks- 16
walk - 95

yay. lol, i'll be drinking aloto f water today for sure. && i'll probably have my coffee soon even though i hate drinking it because of the extra cals, i need the energy. i might haveg reen tea, but it tastes like dirt.

anyways today is going to be a good day for exercise i hope. its warm out so if the big fat bitch isnt there i'm going to go swimming =)

oh && i was telling somebody yesterday abotu how one of my friends sued to be ana when she was younger but she revocered && he said you never recover, && i think you can its just really hard because i know there isn othign wrong with her. he said it sounds like she didnt when i told him at school she eats like 6 cereal bars a day && then for lunnch has like skittles and fries from the cafeteria && then when she goes home she has like a quick snakc fruit or yogurt or whatever && then she eats whateverh er parents make for supper. how the hell goes she have a problem with eatting? last time she was at my house she had 2 bouls of spaghetti && 4 bags of popcorn. when we hung out a couple days ago she had 2 pb&j sandwhich's, a glass of milk, a wrap, veggies with butter, & a yogurt.
she definatly does not have an eatting disorder.

remebert hat story i told you yesterday abotu my boyfriend? well they didn't charge any of them as guilty because there wasnt enough proof, but john got fined 3500$ for posession of an illegal weapon, && for drugs.

i wish i could be a victorias secret model =( theyre so perfect..

EDIT
so i went swimming for about half an hour up the road at the pond. there were alot of people there though so i didn't stay long. i'll probably go for a walk tonight to get a little mroe exercise in && i'll do my abs. i want to burn as many calories as possible before the pig roast, especially because yesterday was so horrible.

todays going great so far, except my parents went into the city so im scared they're going to bring home fast food like KFC or something, if they do i'll have to resist them temptations && stick it in the little container in my room. my oh my.

BOOO! i have a pounding head ache =(

" I know you feel helpless now and I know you feel alone
That's the same road, the same road that I am on "

EDIT

okayy well i went for my walk. it was lovely. threw out the last brownie & threw out some cereal so i "ate" that so i have an excuse not to have supper tonight =) every body keep up the comments i'm lovvin it. i don't knwo if ill be able to up date any more tonight && i wont be able to update saturday because i'll be at that pig roast thign i told you about. i'm praying ill be bale to be there all day and not eat. pray with me please =) i'll be back to update on sunday && i'll tell you all about it & maybe show some pics. i'll be weighing myself saturday too but i've been doing really shitty so i probably gained. i'll fill ya's in on that.

by the way i need some ideas on what me & chris can do on monday. i live in the country so theres literally nothign to do down here && we can't be at my house because my parents would kill me if they knew i was with him (my dads really protective when it comes to guys & doesnt htink i should date untill im like 40 lol no but seriously untill im liek 16 which is in a yr but w/e && my mom doesnt have a problem with it, she just doesnt like chris because hes 2 years older ) so, if you have any ideas post those please =)

okayy so i might update later if i can, i'll probably do my abs tonight if i'm up for it but i dont know, i did them three times yesterday anyways lol. comment && ill comment back. luv yaas
XOXO niicole

6:21 PM - 1 view - 42 eprops - 23 comments - email it