Holy cats, it's been a long time.

Hey pimps. Yeah i'm still alive, though not around these parts from all appearances.

In care you need further proof that the human race is doomed
>>through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
>>consumer goods.
>>
>>1. On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". (Gee that's
>>the only time I have to work on my hair)
>>
>>2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase
>>necessary. Details inside". (Evidently the shoplifter special)
>>
>>3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap". (
>>And that would be how.?)
>>
>>4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost".
>>(But it's *just* a suggestion)
>>
>>5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert( printed on bottom of box): "Do not
>>turn upside down". Oops, too late!)
>>
>>6. On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot
>>after heating". (As night follows the day.)
>>
>>7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." ( But wouldn't this save even more time?)
>>
>>8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or
>>operate machinery after taking this medication". (We could do a lot
>>to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get
>>those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
>>
>>9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would
>>hope)
>>
>>10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use
>>only". (As apposed to what?)
>>
>>11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for other use" (I
>>gotta admit, I'm curious)
>>
>>12.  On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts". (NEWSFLASH)
>>
>>13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open
>>packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta)
>>
>>14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not
>>enable you to fly". ( I don't blame the company, I blame the
>>parents for this one)
>>
>>15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your
>>hands or genitals". (Was there a chance of this happening
>>somewhere?. Good grief)
>>
>>16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on
>>food." (Hey mom we' re out of syrup!; it's ok honey just grab the
>>Palmolive!)
>>
>>17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: "If swallowed contact poison
>>control" (Oh please have you ever heard of someone dying from
>>swallowing a little toothpaste?)
>>
>>18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before
>>distributing in washing machine" (Hey no more swimming in the
>>washing machine kids. Aww you mean we have to use the swimming
>>pool?)

Important news flash from BritsWorld:

I'm supposed to be getting a cell today!!!

CONSIDER YOURSELF

 WARNED!!!!!!

Oh yes. You know what this means.

YAY!

5k is a long way.

It's all mind over matter.

Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.

Oooooooh!

Top 4 Informative Facts Decided upon This Weekend.

---

Siberian Tigers are the Best Indoor Pet.

Walking is a skill. Training starts...NOW.

Raspberry Iced Tea + Bowling = I win. Yay!

And finally, if you have a welt on your ankle, and someone else has sprained toes, and they claim it's because they ran into you...well...it's probably true. Even if you don't remember it.

Yay! The circus was so much fun!

It's sooo beautiful.

Go outside.

RIGHT NOW.

FedEx came for me yesterday.

We'll see when I get back.