Listening to the "Foo Fighters - Walking After You" always strikes a chord of melancholia in me. It's got nothing much to do with the lyrics. It's more of the melody of the song that makes me want to think of the past and reminisce about old times. The good ol' times, the bad ol' times, just times which have gone by. The years have come and gone so quickly and now that i'm at a stage of my life whereby everything's finally working out for me, i wish that time would indeed slow down so i can seize the moment. Carpe Diem. Sure, everything's just as messed up in life as before, but i've learned to live with all the injustices in life. I'm born poor, so a poor man i'll be. There's nothing much i can do for myself now except to work harder and harder. Being depressed doesn't change the fact that things are still getting more expensive, that oil prices still increases, that i can't even afford to do the handful of things i wish to accomplish on my wish list. Hell i'm not even sure if i can achieve the things which are within my control, like getting that first class degree i've been aiming for. Now it just seems so far away. Sure, everyday millionaires are made, maybe it'll be my turn someday, maybe it won't. I may have to skim alot in my life to get something i want while others are just born with bottomless wealth. Nothing much i can do about it now. Others might be born with a more active brain than mine, nothing much i can do about it either. I can try and try harder. Being depressed and obsessively enraged by all these unfairness in life brings me no where. Now that i look back at the past, i realise that being happy truly matters. My place in life has no changed. My position in society is still the same. What's changed is my perspective to things. And sure, it's still hell to be me, it's still sad and miserable to be poor and not very bright, but being depressed changes nothing. Being a happy fool changes but 1 fact, that i am happy, and maybe this little change will help to make me a better person. Well i've tried rage, i've tried depression, maybe it's time to give happiness a shot at things.

Be happy people!

recently's been playing on the airwaves. It hits me good everytime i hear the song. It's just so sad, listening to how jaded lives can become when they step into the black hole known as "hollywood". Whenever i hear the line itself it just makes me realize how much more there is to the world than it seems, how much more there is to to just what we're capable of experiencing. That which encompasses our lives may just be our part of town, maybe our island itself for Singaporeans, maybe just a state for some, but ultimately we're still just a small speck on the globe. The world's so much bigger than us, and yet all we see in our daily lives is but ourselves. Sometimes i really reflect upon how small our vision of the world has shrunk. I close my eyes and try to think of the world, and all i come up with are the 7 wonders, most parts of our sunny island and maybe a few states in the larger countries of the world. It's like lying on a bed of grass on a sunny day and looking at the sky, at how it stretches over the horizon and beyond, at how it merges into the land and everything becomes one. It makes me feel so insignificant, so tiny. And the next moment i carry on with my miniscular life in a tiny little city, forgetting everything about how small i really am, seeing and believing every single illusion my eyes choose to deceive me with.




Us and the Arts :
Went to the esplanade and the museum over the weekend.


    

is such a tough thing to establish. And yet however hard you try to etch it in concrete, carve it in stone, it's still as fragile and brittle as untempered steel. It looks like it can withstand the onslaught of time, it feels as if it's unbreakable, it's resistant to the heat of tests you throw at it. But i breaks just the same, as easily as that. Trust is not just understanding, confidence, a philosophy or just plain concern. It's an omnipotent presence that makes itself known through the misery you feel when you're left alone at home on a friday night with nothing to take your mind off it's over active imagination that's not too well acquainted with the word "prudence". You sit and breath and wait for something to happen. You sit and you almost for bad news, for any news for that matter, because it would be infinitely better than just sitting and breathing. You do not consciously think about trust issues because it's like a little idea set at the very back of your head that nudges you but fails to reel it's ugly head into the light.

I'm extremely sensitive to lies, because my entire childhood has been built on them. Lies upon lies which ultimately becomes an entire mountain of consequences. My previous relationship was the live example of living a lie. My current life is nothing but an illusion that i try to hold together everyday, knowing and fearing how everything can just fade away in the blink of an eye if i don't catch up to it. White lies, purposeful lies, if i were to draw a distinction between what is acceptable and what is not, i'll probably be committing lie racism. All it takes is for 1 lie to break the trust. For everything to fall and crumble into dust. All it takes is a moment of folly and you could ruin my entire world.

I'm having major trust issues with you. And you don't know it.. you don't even care... Why did you had to lie to me before.



so i guess i'll just live with it, or drink my fears away. Isn't this what you would've expected me to do, run away. Or maybe i'm just too used to running away that even if i'm presented with a chance to fight, i'll deny it because i'm such a wimp.


when you're feeling really low people, listen to an insanely happy and nonsensical song. It doesn't do anything but piss you off, and being pissed off takes your mind off feeling miserable.



If you want the mtv for augustana - boston, go look for it on youtube, embedding for it has been disabled. Go listen, it's bittersweet, kinda like my life, or yours. Here's the link :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QL7UneUCHGI