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bujinkankid
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Name: Jaime
Gender: Female
Interests: God, my family, the sky, small children, friends, mailing packages, weddings, figuring out what it means to be 'grown up' and trying to find where I belong in that world, moving, music, and the wind.
Expertise: moving.
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/11/2005
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| Wedding stuffSo, I haven't been online in a while...at least not here...so for those of you who do not have facebook, I'm engaged to the most wonderful person on the face of the planet! I have had this new and completely gorgeous ring for exactly one week (not to brag or anything...I just really really like it!). I am getting married in exactly 14 weeks in Huntersville and I am ridiculously excited!  Anyway, here's the story in case you haven't heard/read it:
I moved up to WV last Saturday. I got here
around 5:30, and after weeks of living in different states Jason and I were very happy to see each other. We unloaded my car and
Jason said he had made us dinner reservations at this very nice restaurant in
town for 7:30 to celebrate me getting the job and moving up to Lewisburg. The
restaurant was very crowded, but when he told the hostess his name, she looked
very happy (which I found a little odd). They seated us at a 2-person booth and
when I picked up my menu there was a little book underneath. It was, hardcover,
looked like old leather (but wasn't) with peeling gold letters. It had one of
those flaps that comes over the front of the book and holds it shut
magnetically. Jason looks over and asks what it is, so I open it. On the first
page there is a picture of a rose and a poem which ends in the lines:
So I'm asking you to grow old with me,
Will you be mine forever?
Jaime Lee Hale, will you marry me?
then I turn the page.
Inside, all of the other pages have been glued together, and a square has been
cut out of the center of the book to make a pretty little secret compartment.
Inside the compartment is a little pillow with a ring tied onto it with a
ribbon.
Jason took the ring out put it on my finger and asked if I would marry him.
I said "with all my heart, yes."
Then I got all misty-eyed, then the waitress came and I got really excited and
showed her the ring...she admired it and she said she would give us some more
time because I seemed a little flustered. Then the hostesses and half the wait
staff came over to see if he had asked yet, and if I'd said yes because he had
delivered the ring to them earlier in the evening...and they had read the poem
and thought it was the sweetest thing EVER, and they couldn't wait to find out
what happened.
Turns out, the ring had been in the box of mail I brought up with me from his
parents that day.
Crazy huh? Go to one of our facebook pages to see pictures. right now.
Anyway, that's my life. Don't worry, I can plan a wedding in 15 weeks. We've got the photographer, church, reception site, pastor, caterer, florist, wedding dress, and Tux's taken care of, and invitations ordered. We've even started registering! It's been pretty hectic around here. Our lives are pretty much consumed by wedding planning, but it's very fun! ...and Jason is wonderful and participates.....happily! I love that kid!
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| Show's over!!! Hooray!!! We survived!!! Jason and Charity came (unfortunately they came to an excruciatingly sparse cast....since half of them decided to ditch the performance Saturday) and I got flowers!!!  They are now hanging all over my room. It was a lovely evening.
Thanksgiving is over! All year I have thought that if I could just make it to thanksgiving, then I would be ok. It appears that I have made it! Only 2 weeks and 2 days left! 
Don't drive to Florida or back on Thanksgiving weekend if you can at all avoid it...by the way.
Job fair in Raleigh this weekend. Job fair in Virginia next week. Hopefully someone needs a theatre teacher soon, otherwise, I'm about to be homeless...again. 
Never thought that getting to hold someone's hand would be the highlight of my week. no question. Or that saying goodbye would be my favorite part...except for the fact that leaving comes right after goodbye...Never thought that I would smile all day because of a memory that makes me sad since I won't see him again until Saturday...Never thought I would turn into such a ridiculously sappy person.
Wondering how long we get
Hoping it's forever.
...think I've lost my mind
oh well.
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| My show starts tomorrow!!!
I am both terrified and thrilled beyond belief.
Saturday evening is so close I can almost taste it!!!
Holy Crap.
(really that's a very stupid sort of exclamation, but who cares...)
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As someone rather wise reminded me yesterday around 2:30 in the morning, 'no risk, no reward'. Sometimes I forget.
You know how in high school if you have a crush on someone you tell all of your friends, and they talk to mutual friends of the person you like, and they feel out the boy (or girl) to see how they feel about you, and maybe they kind of like you too, and word gets back around and then eventually one of you is confident enough to ask the other one out and you date.
I never did that. Not once.
The only person who ever knew if I had a crush on someone was my mom, and she's a good secret-keeper.
Also, my dad's date bat scared all of my male friends and most told me at one time or another 'sorry Jaime, but there is no way I am ever asking you out on a date 'cause I just don't want to see your dad's scary side'.
That was cool with me.
In college things changed. People started talking to me about boys they thought liked me(A first). I started talking to them about boys I thought I might like (Also a first). I finally dated (Another first). But I was wasn't ready to let go, open up, risk a broken heart. Of course the relationship didn't work out. oops.
I tried again. I came a little closer, but still had a lot of worries, fears that I would screw up our lives somehow, and general anxiety...So that didn't work out either. bummer.
How could I be so laid back in everything else and so tense about romance? I hate relationships. It's the problem of knowing you're not perfect- you know that someday you'll fall off the pedestal; the rose -colored glasses will come off and they will look at you and say "oh, you're human. Oops, I didn't want to date one of those... goodbye"
So I wait a little, grow a little, think a lot then try again. ...Ok, you've known me for years, you have to know I'm human, you seem to like me anyway, so here's my heart, it's all yours...
The thing about a broken heart is that you learn how to cry, you gain empathy for the broken hearts of others, you learn a few things about life, and you grow. You learn to deal with pain that occasionally flares up like your bum knee and you realize it hasn't ruined your life after all...and it is not about love or perfection or storybook romances.
It's about finding your best friend, having your disagreements, being annoyed by each other, planning your adventures together, taking risks, talking and listening. I'm not sure exactly what it feels like, but every time I have a relationship I think I get a little bit closer to it.
By the way, did I tell you I'm trying out a new best friend? 
Jason and I were both complete masters at avoiding the topic of 'us' for over a month...but yesterday, around 2:30 in the morning (after spending about 14 hours together...mostly by ourselves)we finally faced it and although I am still extremely wary of relationships and the pain they can cause...we're giving it another try.
After all, as my best friend told me at 2:30 yesterday morning: "no risk, no reward".
And I lied. I don't hate relationships.
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| Does it ever bother you, those days you don't save lives? Does it keep you awake at night knowing that another sunset has come and gone and somewhere children are still being murdered and you haven't thought of any way to stop it? Do you feel the weight of all the injustice in the world and and then feel torn between being thankful you don't have to suffer it and guilty that you haven't really sacrificed anything to change it?
I do.
There are days when I would gladly join any military force in the world if it were prepared to always stand up and fight for the weak. If they were dedicated to protecting the poor, the innocent, and the helpless who would never be able to pay them back. Fighting is the easiest solution...If I could know it would make a difference...
How does the world change? Truly?
One man in Germany starts a revolution that leads to the ripping apart of millions of souls in millions of acts of violence and murder.
One woman in America sits down on a bus and civil rights takes off.
One man says humans should not be property and it starts a war.
A handful of men with guns in Africa turn villages into slaughter grounds and children into soldiers.
Two tough kids in school form cliques that turn into gangs that fight over the colors of their nail polish.
Really, how does that happen and what do we do to start our own revolution?
Love?
It's really the only thing I can think of. I can't change the whole world all by myself, but if I can love, if I can take every opportunity to work my hardest, to pursue excellence, to show Jesus and really care about those around me, would it change anything?
Would showing love always to the child who drives you crazy, to the parent who disrespects you, to the co-worker who spreads vicious gossip...would that make a difference? If the church stopped being divided and against the world and instead united in its attempt to show the world unconditional love, would that make people wonder? Would that make people change? Would it be a strong enough force to overcome selfish ambition, bullies, genocide, slavery, and a constant me-first mentality? Would it change anything at all?
I wonder....And I wonder if I could do it even when I had stumbled and fallen and failed and still saw no results.
Definitely not without God...and although I am sure it is utterly false, I sometimes feel that although God could easily move mountains, part seas, and do other huge and magnificent things, that He can't or won't give Christians the drive and stamina to see such a constant act of love through anything the world throws at us...and what does such a fear say about my faith?
Life can be overwhelming.
I wish Eve had never eaten that apple.
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