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| snooooooooooooze, warm snooze, sweaty snooze, narcoleptic shnooze, I need to write a paper but instead I snooze. it's been daniel johnston lately, and man I missed out in the nineties. I wish I had time to do the things that I really want to do. for example, I'd like to have the time to visit my grandparents, read every book I own that I've never read, watch the office, watch the devil and daniel johnston, bake colorful cupcakes for my babes, throw a surprise party, go spelunking, garage sale-ing, clean my room, make more hats, wear more hats, trim my head, shave my legs, pluck my eyebrows, be less beastly in general, drink more carrot juice, and be home more often, or really just balance between being home and being not at home, make a gigantic montage of our tree as a generous gift (this generous world suggests generous living?), make ceremony a part of my indefinite daily routine, live off the grid, wash my pup, chat with E., chat with jose ("""hey dude how are the quesadillas to day?'''), get rid of the roaches in my car, stop being a mixture of defense mechanisms, study for tests, , , , ,,,,,on, and on, on, and on, o-n. I'm registered for classes already and ready I'm ready. ici, je suis dans une cave de noir noir noir dear body, spine, hollows, gassy, fulfilled, dirty, bye. | | |
| okay so what if, and only if, I tied a lock of my hair to a bush only to find that single bush was uprooted from a row of several bushes days later. I mean I am really seriously uncomfortable in the way where you can't tell anybody for a long time and you are just sitting on this intensely uncomfortable knowledge. like an anchored kind of frantic feeling where I think this mystery bruise on my calf is from someone doing a voodoo black magick (luv?)spell on me. console me if you have any consolations. my brain hasn't been warm its been creepy and considerably unproductive. I havent touched a single piece of fabric/feather/superglue/gluegun/evidence bag/inkblot in many moonrises and moonsets (I can't believe I just said that, I think thats how my voodoo creepmaster would address time hahaaha). I've run out of options and resources and YOGURT RAISINS. raisons. reasons, man, I am kind of getting the idea that I have no clue what the heckfest I am doing. in anything anywhere and ever. I watched good movies this weekend. I also worked lots and was PISSED about it. I also drove past the house, I hope no one notices how much I frequent that cul de sac because that is just such a nice house to see and be sad at. I don't know. you know? I also witnessed someone asleep on my kitchen floor, I mean what is this! god. I know I've been noticing people my age already preparing their goodbyes and I think that is bullshit but, yeah I cant wait to leave either. | | |
| it was so rainy and fancy today. I failed the at the master molecule detoxification but wtf ever I had the craziest ache/ache/ache of my life. I've been drinking this tea that makes me see black holes and rainbows it is terrifically amazing and tasty and made by lipton. friday the 13th was psycho. suzie was being cruise-director-suzie and we kept on running in to carly's exboyfriends and I have an illigitimate family of roaches living in mother earth aka my automobile. so hey what's up what has been filling up your space and existence? if you don't like your situation, change it. if you can't change it, leave it. I like knowing things like that these days. I've been in my room for lengthy hours so many that it is starting to smell like an attic a dusty something the inside of a coffin what are you doing with your LIFE amber. be pleasant be classy be born"""""""""" | | |
| hey dudes I haven't changed much I mean I really should start taking life seriously and stop napping my time away. sleeping is such a chore. I haven't remembered my dreams lately but I know that they have been about people I am afraid of and faces with no faces WHAT DOES THIS MEAN I wish I dreamt of ghosts thumping around and feather headthings shadow shows living in a grotto. oh my dream home: garden of venus flytraps puke colored everything secret password more later. I don't know what's been up lately I've just been freaked out you know sometimes you just get freaked out. I think it's because for the past three mornings I've woken up to the sound of my boss' voice aka chucky mcfucky, god barf. but yeah that's it quite quiet these days keep your chins up | | |
| so I cleaned my room today because there was glass everywhere and I guess it is unhealthy to live like that. I think my room is super fun to clean when it is in utter disorder. I always come across ancient letters and bones and receipts and pictures and unfinished projects that make me go """"wtf! how! oh man! jesus christ! I miss that day! I feel like weeping! whatever happened to any thing everything no one knows!""""" thursday night was a real mess. a terrific mess. I smelt really bad and my car smelt really worse and I weeped for the loss of be still and then talked to a worker and fellow friend at seattle's best for a long time. and it's like, god, I can be such a manic chatfest weirdo on occasion. I felt bad for him but he listened nicely to my flood of yellow visions and ghostly apparitions and tear duct ammunition and then!!!!!!! the next morning I accidentally slept in until nine and missed a presentation that I had to make with a partner in psychology. so I started weeping again because lately that is just my physical reaction to everything. tomorrow is just coffee used books and music feathers on my head warmbrains breathe coffee again maybe girl talk and sleepy. don't get eaten, sincerely, amber. | | |
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