buttcheeks113's Xanga

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 18:04:01 GMT

SOOO LOOONG!!! damn, been a while huh? seems like time has passed and shit is still the same... with the same dude... with the same problems!! whats with us girls?? or is it just me?? i know that things are the same and wont change, but yet i still stay with the same guy... he says things will change, or he wants to work shit out, but u know thats bullshit... if things were to change, then why would he go back to normal after a few days? i think we both know we have no future together... now he has found the wonderful world of MYSPACE... trying to look up old friends, girlfriends, whatever... cant even leave my ass a comment... hmmm, am i being petty?? maybe, but you dont know this guy... its sooo hard to even get any kind of romantic-ism from him...no wonder why i am a heartless bitch at times... once again i am alone... i dont like to talk about this to my friends cuz they hear the same shit, and its like i dont take their advice anyways... why bother them with my bitching and sadness... maybe he will change... then again... why do i even wait?? i ask myself that question everyday....

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Tue, 07 Sep 2004 21:37:20 GMT

~~so it has been forever!!!! i been meaning to update, but its hard when i never have time alone to fully get my thoughts together without being interrupted... hmmm, wats new??? well, i recently got a parking ticket...this sucka is a whopping $315!!! can u believe that?? i parked in a BUS ZONE!!! damn!!! that whole day was a long story...lets just say, the ticket was the cherry on top of my CRAZY day!!!

~~anyways, this week i work 6 fucken days.. one day off, and it sucked, cuz when i finally got enough sleep that made up for my labor day weekend work week, i have to go back to work...my bf is even gone out of town too...that is why i decided to work an extra day so i dont do anything STUPID!! lol

~~planning to go to la soon. just for like a couple days. gotta get a new phone n change my number AGAIN...hahhaha... lately i havent been wanting to talk to anyone...my friend here keeps calling me to go out and she soo excited my bf was leaving, but i havent answered...i have just been talkin to a couple people down in la too...i dont know, i been thinkin alot about friends and friendship...everyone is getting older and moving their separate ways...good for them...but i know that sum people dont realize that other people have a different life...workin now for a living...and they dont understand that...the importance of keeping a job and not being able to leave it whenever they feel..

~~also, for those that know wat it meant for me for them to visit me when i was away was great...to understand that 'yea, i can go down there anytime to see all of u, but when have u ever seen where i live, wat i do, where i work...even tho there wasnt shit to do up here, the whole purpose was just to KICK it wit me...and to me, that meant friendship...not to come up here just cuz they want to meet new people and party their asses off, to come visit their FRIEND...our time was short but TRUST ME...that meant everything to me...and i just want to truly thank you for showing me that our friendship means a whole lot to me.

~~anyways, gotta get ready now...gonna go to best buy wit kim...gonna go check out some printers n dvds...he said he will burn me my own copy of coming to america!!! yea!!! till next time...

Monday, June 28, 2004

Mon, 28 Jun 2004 11:52:41 GMT

*well...hmmm...been workin alot...got a FATTY check last pay period..ohh yea..can get used to this casino business shit...

*my adventure for the day...got off work at 10am sun morn...headed to reno, nv (1 1/2hr away) at around 12 or so...got back to sac by 7pm...crazy shit..spur of moment...lost like 3bills first 1/2 hr...then down to last money, and hit white 7-double-double on quarter machine...1200 credits...cashed out at 1400 credits...get $350... ha! that was coo..sooo ended up leavin wit bein down $20 bucks!! yea! oh, and by the way...i hate blackjack..i never win..i should just stick to dealin it! thats all...was gonnna go back again at around 1am, but people have no balls here to be down to go....oh well...got a full week comin up, so i am tryin to go out n have a good time...

*got sum mandatory meeting to go to at 6pm later today (mon) deciding if i should go to the early one, and then head to another casino wit sum co-workers...hmmm...been lookin at vacation spot for tahoe or calistoga for a spa treatment, relaxation type shit...dont know...strapped for cash, gotta save money..been spendin it like crazy..

*sooo i said got a fatty check for 8 days in a 2 week pay period..this next one will be 9 days, 2 hrs overtime, and an extra 10bucks for the meeting i gotta go to...(i get paid federal minimum wage which is $5.15...so this one will be a FATTY-ASS MUTHAFUCKIN CHECK.. too bad i will get it when the BATH & BODY WORKS SEMI-ANNUAL SALE ENDS.... damn...maybe i can get direct deposit advance... hmmm...hahahha

k...gotta go sleep...love ya much...

Monday, June 14, 2004

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 03:17:40 GMT

*well...came back from la...was there for a week..it was coo...nothin really special..went to a couple clubs, highlands was bomb...but then long story...hahaha...OC was coo, but then---long story...lets just say, it wasnt the FREAKNIK weekend i had wanted it to be when i planned this trip several months ago...had to change things around before i left..it was all good tho..maybe for the better...

*well, i think i have figured out i have a problem...problem with drama...problem wit cute guys!! hahaah...i am addicted...and it is hard to stop...it is my crack cocaine...i am a sucka for a pretty face...i am a sucka for the sweet talkin playas...i have been good and contained myself...i am proud...i just like to look...but dang...i be droolin...hahahah

*since i been back, things have been calm..dont do shit, same as before, work and then sleep for 14 hrs...thats all..dont want to do shit, cuz there aint shit to do...dont get all hooched up cuz it sux, no energy for shit...oh well...

*damn, watchin lakers game 4 now...i lost my bet to lindas bro...damn..i dont care if i lose, as long as they win...BUT THEY NEED TO FUCKEN GO FOR THE OFFENSIVE REBOUND...DAAAMN...

*alright...time to stop this..its 4th quarter...ahhhhhhhh...

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Thu, 20 May 2004 07:31:33 GMT

***hey everyone...i know i havent talked to anyone lately...been busy..nothing really new...still workin, kickin it...some things changed, others stayed the same...not as exciting as previously stated...hahaha...more details another time...HA..no more 1-2-3...if ya know wat i mean...i mean, no more of-well-tell u later...till then...

PEACE!

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Tue, 04 May 2004 06:53:43 GMT

¢À i have just read my last entry...and i wish i can think like that rite now...got back from LA a few days ago...it was good..got my mind sorta off things...came back here and was going to give it a try..work things out...(yea, may have been stupid for even thinkin, but love is a very lethal thing)...so first day is cool..then day 2...he finds out about sum dude i been talkin to...and even tho we were separated, and i saw this dude as a friend, it was my bad...even tho i had told this dude that 'hey, i dont need someone to holla at me, i just need a friend", this dude didnt listen...so since i been back, i have been shady wit him...no calls, no text nothing...but besides all that, it doesnt even matter...darin said hella shit to me, made me feel like shit, and i now believe that 'yes, i was a bad girlfriend...that no matter wat i do nor say, i can never be a good girlfriend'...dont matter if we were together or not, i am not supposed to talk to anyone at all...no guy friends...even tho i can stop when they try to hollla, it all doesnt matter...i feel like shit...i feel empty...

i have told him that i am sorry for being a bad girlfriend and no matter wat happens, i can never be a good girlfriend to him...i have told him that i had lost all my hope, that hope was a stupid thing for me to chase and wait for...that he has made me realize that i should have never had it...it takes alot for me to lose hope and i thought i would never lose it...but i have...i have really realized that i was hoping for nothing...and u cant get something out of nothing...i want to be alone...no friends no family no nothing...i can never get anything rite...i am destined to be alone...i am tired of all the bullshit and no matter wat i do (getaway, go kick it, talk on the phone) it was all wrong choices...no matter wat i do, i cant get it corrrect...so i choose to be alone for a while...i have no charger for my phone, so i cant talk to anyone...which is good...i dont need more fuel for darin to talk down to me...he has done enough, and i really cant take it anymore...i seriously feel like shit, like i am nothing...

so everyone, pls forgive me for not taking ur calls, calling you back, talkin to you or kickin it...tho i am not wit this person, i still live wit him, and everything i say or do is wrong...physically, he has done nothing wrong, but emotionally he has hurt me hella bad, and i dont want him to kill it...thats all thats keeping me SANE at the moment...the emotion that i have left...pls forgive me everyone..i will talk to u soon...i deserve to be alone wit my emptiness.......

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Wed, 31 Mar 2004 05:40:58 GMT

**soooo much drama...been argueing wit darin for the longest..and to make a long story short, we are broken up...done...i had a lot of time to think, and i have been talkin to james (love u man!) and he brought up a point in which i had been thinkin lately, and had just made it clear to me...and i think i am seriously ready to let go of it all...the other times its been like 'yea, i am ready, but deep down i was really not'..its like the song by JAGGED EDGE.."GOODBYE"..the first line was the best..said it all.."tell me have you ever been in a situation where the best thing you can do, was the hardest thing u ever done" i have thought of the pros and cons..and i figured it IS the best...i love him like crazy, but in order to be wit the person you love, i would have to give another several years of being "FAKE" not being able to talk to whom ever, whenever...even tho i am not even GONNA CHEAT! i cant look at other guys in the eye anymore...thats how bad it is..i feel guilty SMILING when i say wassup to someone...thats not me..and i cant change to the point where it is not real...

i have my faults/and so do you/i played around/and was untrue/for 2 years i changed my ways/to make you see i truly was sorry/but no matter how hard i tried/to you, it was just another story/i always ended up crying/when deep down i know i was trying/changed to someone i never wanted to be/when you should be loving me for me/wat was i thinkin?/is this wats loves about?/the screams and shouts?/the lockdown and the doubts?/this aint right/argueing nite after nite/but i still stuck by your side/as you let your feelings hide/

to be continued...

Friday, March 19, 2004

Fri, 19 Mar 2004 05:39:01 GMT

*got the new place..everything is cool..finally got a futon...u guys should check it out!! party over here..everyone been stoppin by and kickin it..playin xbox..my friend let me borrow..more about that later...till then, gotta go...

Monday, March 08, 2004

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 10:10:14 GMT

**ok..update from the last entry...darin passed his audition..we both started this past saturday...working graveyard...2am to 10am...it was cool...not used to standing in one fuckin place for 8 hrs..got hella breaks tho, but still...my legs were numb as hell...the people were cool, but not the people i went on break wit, they were boring..the uniform is ghetto..black and olive green...blah!!!

**hopefully i get a share of tips this tues...i get to work 3 days this week..yea!! hopefully we get our place and get to move in this friday too!! yea!!

**bath and body works is hella kissin ass to me, cuz they dont want me to quit...they know i dont need this job...but they need hella people and i am one of the people that got hired on before xmas that actually does stuff...so they have been really flexible with my schedule...

**my aunt from hell has left for canada to see her horny boyfriend...shes been a bitch..she even called my sister the other day and talked hella shit about us...oh well, we leaving anyways...she and my uncle says they are gonna try to get us full time at the casino..yea rite..they say they know hella people and connections...hmmm, wonder y she is not full time??

**gotta come up wit 9bills by this friday for the apt...can we do it?

**alrighty..my homies are gonna visit me in the beginning of april...im soooo excited...there is nothing to do up here...but oh wells..maybe we will go to reno for a day...its only an hr and a half away!! gotta go get my dads van soon..gonna make a trip to la for a day to go pick it up...

**gotta do laundry and clean...until next time...

Monday, March 01, 2004

Mon, 01 Mar 2004 09:23:06 GMT

**YOU ARE NOW READING ENTRIES FROM A...BLACKJACK DEALER!!***

whoo hooo!! I passed! I am excited!! it was nerve racking...i never saw my hand shake sooo much...i even had to use humor to calm myself down...one bad thing tho..darin didnt pass!!! he fucked up on insurance and corrected himself later, but it still didnt do...the guy failed him, and now he has to redo it this tuesday...sad...and...he gets home at 6:15am and he has to audition at 10am...so he runs wit barely any sleep...

he was the one that was supposed to make it, not me..he is alot better than me...i guess it was lack of sleep and nervousness...

still broke as hell, but at least we got a place..we got to move out next week tho...hard...gotta come up wit 1500 dollars...hard...

orientation for the casino is this wed..excited...i get my gaming license and my badge..i look fat in those digital picture things..

celebrated last week day after auditions...went to the casino, then a strip club, then watched the guys play poker, then topped it off at a club..long interesting day..details later...had fun tho...

ok, gotta get sum sleep..got a potluck tomorrow...gonna actually eat real food!!! g'nite