For your whole life.. You’re searching for something.
Trying to accomplish something.
Working towards a goal that you set..
And just needing that.. Something..

Love.

Why wait when you can strive for that goal now?
Why would you wait for love to kick you in the back?
Why not take hold of the opportunity,
Allow yourself to get hurt,
And heal.
At least you’ll be alive, feeling, experiencing, loving.
At least you’ll be alive.
Or a better word would be ‘Living.”

We care so much how we seem to others.
So much to the point that we shield our face.
So much, we become stagnant and hollow.
Empty. passionless, not willing to risk. 

At least if we jump from that cliff and grit our teeth to take the hit, we’ll feel the pain. We’ll feel something. We’ll hit rock bottom, but rock bottom gets lower. It isn’t until you feel the burning molten core of the earth and hell’s rivers that you know you’re fucked.

But there’s always a bounce back up to the sky, where you’ll fly higher than you’ve ever soared before. Where love lifts your wings on the empathetic updraft of euphoria. Where you can sing, be off key, and still sound melodious. Where you love so much that it hurts to know that this is the highest point and it may only go down from here. This rollercoaster, this desperate cling to an emotion we become addicted to.

You fly in your dreams, but you hover in reality.

Before you know it, you’re grounded. Kissing the earth because of its safe stability, its gravity that holds you in place and makes certain that you will not fall too hard. You’ve tripped, you’ve tumbled, you’ve rolled.. Skimmed your knees, but never have you jumped so high, suspended yourself, and fallen so hard that your whole body breaks and only the soul is left. Only then do you know heartbreak. Only then do you realize the downside to love. However, if that were to be the end of your life.. At least it would have been worth it.

At least you’ll have loved, been loved, lived and was alive.
And if you survive.. Perhaps it could all happen again.

Sonnet: Love, Come Find Me

Love, Come Find Me

Love, come find me; For years have I been lost,
Taken from your loving grip, I have strayed.
My bouncy, fluctuating heart is tossed ~
In all possible ways: It has been played.
Embrace me ‘til almost choking – This frost
Shall melt, and Time as your lover, delayed.
Empty promises made and fingers crossed,
May be fulfilled, straightened and fully paid.
Love, I beg you to find me. Release me
From the inconsistency of Freedom.
That less love I have for them, grows for thee,
For but one – Only one – Should you have come.
Love, escape from your heartbreaking confines,
And find me here, within poetic lines.  

-Caroline Montano
May 27, 2008

Personifying love. Searching for it because the speaker has been lost. “Taken” is more of a ‘stoln’ term because the speaker has been torn from Love’s grip. “Loving Grip” is also an oxymoron because ‘loving’ is a warm, kind emotion and ‘grip’ is a negative, cold action. However, instead of being “Stolen”, the speaker sees it more as if they had accidentally strayed of their own accord. “Bouncy, fluctuating heart” is a reference to the idea of a child’s toy, a bouncy ball, being tossed around in the activity of youth. So changing the ball to a heart, the speaker’s heart has been thrown around by numbers of people, tossed in any way they could think of.. Or the sentence could be seen as, “In all possible ways, it has been played.” Meaning played with in the physical sense, as a ‘toy’, emotional sense as in ‘toyed with’ or played in the literal, modern sense. 

“Embrace me ‘til almost choking” is a desperate sense of wanting to be loved. The speaker wants to be held, but so tightly that it’s almost choking and painful. This signifies that they wish to be loved, and they aren’t afraid of the pain that may inflict. Or it could be interpreted as they had once been held until they were ‘almost choking’ (smothered), and they have grown accustomed to it. “This frost shall melt” – icy heart from lack of love. And Time [personified] as Love’s lover [Lol. xD] delayed [play on words. How can Time, the controller of.. well.. time.. be delayed?] The whole clause means that with love, the emotion will warm even ice cold hearts, and Time would not be an enemy, but a lover, and not be significant because love can last forever. :D “Empty promises made and fingers crossed” speaks about the falsely given hopes given to a person, compared to the self-inflicted hope that a person creates on their own. “May be fulfilled, straightened and fully paid” is referring to the previous line, where the empty promises may be fulfilled with someone loving the speaker, the crossed fingers would be straightened because they’d acquire what they hope for, and ‘paid’ is talking about emotional wealth, where they wouldn’t literally be paid money, but paid back with happiness and given interest for the lost time.

“Love, I beg you to find me” is parallelism with the first line. “Release me from the inconsistency of Freedom” is a paradox. Being released is being set free, but the speaker is asking to be released from Freedom because it is unstable, so they are asking to be cared for and locked in someone’s heart. Also, a lot of assonance with the “e” sound. “find Me, release Me, inconsistenCy, Freedom.” “That less love I have for them grows for thee.” Means that the speaker is more in love with the idea of love than with the people they are supposedly in love with. Though that isn’t what they want because “For but one – Only one – Should you have come.” Meaning Love should only be displayed through one person in that specific way.

“Love, escape from your heartbreaking confines.” Can be either asking love to show itself in the speaker’s heart, because they wish for it to be found within themselves before the outside, or it could mean that the speaker is asking Love to escape from another person’s heart, someone who is closed off and hidden from the speaker. ‘Heartbreaking confines’ is kind of a pun or paradox with the whole phrase because Love usually comes from the heart, and to ‘break from the heart’ is escaping the confines, but since love comes from the heart, to break it would to break itself.. “And find me here within poetic lines.” Indicates that the speaker is unwilling to move until love is found, that love is the driving force that causes impulses and dynamic emotions, so they will stay forever in this poem, because the emotion is embedded into the poem, even if the speaker does not feel it anymore. Also, in general, love poems have the emotion locked in their words forever, so Love finds the speaker eventually, but the endless search is within the poem and the poem is forever alone, always searching.

To the girl: I doubt I'll ever say/show this to her.

Aside from all of my stupid jokes and teasing and stuff, I’m gonna be serious for a moment while I have your attention. I think you’re.. beautiful. And I don’t mean ‘hot’ with all of those degrading things to go along with it, but it’s like.. I see you and it actually makes my day a million times better. I see you, and my throat gets dry and my heart beats faster and it’s all stupid and corny, but all of those things people say they get when they see the person they like.. happens to me, and I didn’t think it would. And I know you may not like me the same way, since you hardly know me.. But I still think you’re beautiful.

And that kiss.. I don’t really know what that was about, but I wanted to kiss you so badly, so I don’t even know why you were apologizing.. I loved it. It made my night. Even if you didn’t really intend for it to happen.. And honestly, right now I don’t care if I get hurt or whatever.. And I don’t care if you don’t like me back, I’ll still like you. Probably even if you were to get together with someone else.. So I hope that’s okay. Out of everything, I don’t want to pressure you or do anything stupid like I did before.. And I wrote this all down because I didn’t want to forget it while it was still fresh in my head.. Originally I wanted to just say it all in a spur of the moment kinda thing when we were alone.. But it’s rough because I always forget about what I want to say when I see you, and then I try so hard to cover up the fact that I’m so nervous with jokes and stuff, then I end up saying something completely different.. Then I don’t know if I offended you or what.. I never know what you’re thinking! And it annoys me, but it’s like.. I love it but I hate it! I don’t think I’ll ever send this to you.. And I don’t know if I’ll ever get the nerve to say anything like this to your face.. But I had to get it out there. Probably because I’m so afraid of getting hurt again, (even if I said I don’t care, I still do care about getting hurt.) that I don’t know how this will fare if I were to show you. Either way, I’m falling for a girl who I barely even know, and it’s killing me to think that I might have a chance, but I’m too much of a coward to try something stupid again. All the mixed signals kinda.. throw me off.

Senior Formal.. I'm glad I went to you.