here's this quote i like before i lose it forever.

But where is the point to life? Where is the point to love? Where, if it comes to the point, is the point to a bunch of violets? There is no point. Life and love are life and love, a bunch of violets is a bunch of violets, and to drag in the idea of a point is to ruin everything. Live and let live, love and let love, flower and fade, and follow the natural curve, which flows on, pointless.
  D.H. Lawrence

and another.

the moon rattles like a fragment of angry candy
ee cummings

hello.

this is to serve as a stalwart reminder to myself:

your motivation to do well next year is simply to prove her wrong.

what exactly is wrong with my schedule? i want to take everything in it. everyone thinks i can do it. teachers, students. everyone but my parents. they should be the ones who support me the most, right?

wrong. not the way it works, apparently. ugh

my courseload for senior year:

-ap physics

-advanced topics in chemistry [above ap chem]

-independent study in math [most likely linear algebra, calculus ish, etc]

-ap english to continue with what i signed up for this year

-honors economics

-jazz band

i think that i can handle it. its got everything i'd want except an art course, which obviously i dont have time for. six courses is pretty much the max they'll let you take in an 8 period day, unless you're katie bray of course. then they know that you could take classes at graduate school and do just dandy as a 17 year old.

but whatever, dont let that bother you. the most important thing is to prove her wrong. make her apologise for all these  years of bereatment.

dude man, it's sure been a while. i guess i haven't posted here because livejournal is so much more accessible, what with that little platform thing and all. le sigh. being sick is no good. but what i came here to do was to make a xmas list of cds that i need [heh.]:

-Incubus Morning View

-The One Soundtrack

-Tomb Raider Soundtrack

-Garbage New CD [think it's called BeautifulGarbage or something]

-Radiohead I Might Be Wrong [swoon!], OK Computer, The Bends

-Beck Mutations

-G. Love and Special Sauce Self Titled

-System of a Down Toxicity

-Fuel Something like Human

-Drowning Pool Sinner

-Disturbed The Sickness

-K's Choice Cocoon Crash

-Cake Fashion Nugget, Prolonging the Magic

-Ben Folds Rockin' the Suburbs

hmm... it appears that I am a greedy little cake.

oh well. feed me!

hello. i sure haven't written here in a while. i've been spilling my guts on livejournal... the thing you download makes it easier to do on here, and i have a lot more friends on livejournal [not meaning to put down any of you guys! but a lot of school people are there].

i suppose i've had an interesting week.. ive been doing something daily that used to scare the willies out of me: one on one conversation and flirtation with someone that i've got 'the hots' for.  its not just that i think hes cute, a lot of the popular guys are cute but vacant. this one, i think, is a keeper, and has some damn good goth/nerd boy taste too.  tom had a point, it feels really good to pursue someone. because just talking to them makes you so unbelievably happy. i wonder if its the same for him. i wonder what would happen if i confessed my 'love' to him. would he just stand there and say nothing? you cant really say something funny in response to that. and i just can't imagine him saying that he likes me the same way. because things just dont work like that for me. ive never been able to pull something like that by just starting to talk to someone.

ive also had an interesting week because ive had boatloads of work juxtaposed with boatloads of fun things. im doing something every day this weekend!! that virtually never happens to me. it feels nice, but damn busy.

check out 'passenger' on the deftones' 'white pony' if you like tool at all. christ, i had that cd and i didnt know that song was even on there. its so good. that will be my new driving song. tomorrow i drive the two tool-concert-goers that i know home. i hope i can do it safely (: im a good driver as far as i can tell. 

and oh yeah, it still bothers me to think that people see what i see when i look in the mirror, when they look at me. it doesnt seem all that great. yet they still talk to me. people are mysteries. but i still have fun, dont get me wrong, i dont go around moping all day, i try to keep it on the humorous side

today, i had aout 2.5 hrs of sleep to go on at school. i was zombie-lating. but being that tired made me not care that my whole english class got a copy of my essay i wrote from 12-4am yesterday. i felt like i was free of worry. except i couldnt fucken keep my eyes open cause i popped a percocet when my headache set in (: oh well, it was nice and floaty

toodles, always more work to do..

k