I was really encouraged by the feedback about the song/poem I wrote...
and wanted to share with you some beautiful poetry Somebody shared with me...


 

There are no words in this poetry! Just unspoken truth, and a deep penetrating beauty that slices the silence in half and reveals a little bit more to my soul of who God is...  










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For some reason, there are times when a moment of beauty stops me dead in my track-because it seems to me that it is some visible piece of the beauty in God, the beauty He wants to have wrought in me-and in all of His people.

A poem without words...

 

          I'm just sitting here before bed, doing my version of winding down-writing out thoughts, impressions, and prayers, listening to Jeremy Camp. So I guess this could probably be classified as a journal entry...I don’t know how all of this is going to get written out-whether there will be any connecting pattern or not.

Well…of course there will be!

God.

Jesus.

He is the connecting pattern in my life, the ultimate thread, the only one that holds my life together and separates me from the lost…and brings me to others, to life, to faith…to love.

 

“I have been brought to a place where I want to give up everything…”

“Where all I can do is seek your face…and my brokenness, I will bring.”

 

I have been brought to that place where I want to give up everything…kneeling before God in vulnerability, telling Him the desires and hopes of my heart…leaving them all in His hands, at His feet, for Him to do with them as He wills…what He wills will be best.

I did.

I left my future husband in His hands; that faith. it’s the strangest surrender. At the first, I feel like crying almost at the strangeness-the doubleness-because immediately what I give up is returned to me ten times over, in better ways than I could have even imagined. But this truth is only discovered after I give over, surrender; not before. And I certainly can’t truly surrender just to get my desires back.

Because the truth is, I don’t know if my desires are what God desires for me.

But I trust Him.

Out of necessity, out of hope, and out of love. Trust that His every Word is true, and just, and good…that there are no hidden prerequisites, or reasons, or retributions-He is not waiting to  bang me over the head with empty promises…

I have to simply surrender and trust Him, that He knows best-whatever He desires for me, that is best.

And I have to pray, like never before, that my heart would willingly, joyfully, and whole-heartedly choose to praise and rejoice and delight in God’s desires. Even if they are not mine.

 

Oh God! You will be the one to call me out.

I am hopeless, helpless.

But I can rest in knowing You will open every door…instead of forcing my own will now…I’d rather wait on You…

I have found that it’s the only way.

 

I know that I have plans, hopes, dreams, but…you will take me every step…you have covered all my debt now…

And I have realized these empty fames that people crave…will be some hope of what they’ve made…BUT I’D RATHER WAIT ON YOU!

 

You’ll be the one.

Well there’s more than what I’m feeling…(my dreams)

Well there’s more than what I’m feeling…(my blueprints, my desires, my plans…dear as they may be to me, Yours are far better-above and beyond my wildest dreams. I choose Yours! I choose to praise You, regardless of my own ideas or plans…I choose to praise Your route, and see it as the best. Know it as the best)

 

What a wonderful song, at just the right moment…I needed to hear it! God, thank you...

 

Every time I’m on my knees, I will find you there…Every time I’m on my knees, reaching for your strength-I will find you there!!!

 

Beautiful, glorious, whole, holy, HOPE!!!

 

To know the door, it will NEVER BE BROKEN

Caus’ I have found that time, this time, has no hold…on the way I need you…and I know that IT’S NEVER HARD TO FIND YOU!!! HALLELUJAH!

 

I’m holding on to this hope I’ve been given…to be always with You!

I’m seeing now, that this fullness of faith…is always seeking you. YEAH!!!!!!!!!

 

Every time I’m on my knees leaning for your strength I WILL FIND YOU THERE

Every time I’m on my knees reaching for your strength I WILL FIND YOU THERE

I WILL FIND YOU

EVERY TIME

I WILL FIND YOU

I WILL FIND YOU THERE

 

 

WEAK.

 

I just want to be weak before you, every single moment.

I have no desire to be strong. No desire to watch out for myself. No desire to fix life for myself, to my taste, and desires…

I want your strength to be proven in my life, not mine.

I want to be weak my whole life long.

So you can be strong.

 

Weak before you, transparent and real

No matter what I do or how I feel

I know that you’re there, and that you care

And even though my hopes may seem lost

You know best

Even though there will be huge sorrows and tragedies in my life…

I want to praise you through them all.

Because you know best.

Because I believe that you know what you are doing.

That you know the plans you have for me, including the storms, troubles, trials, and events that may seem so terribly wrong at the time-they’re all being used to bring about this glorious completion of your work in me.

 

Thank you so much God, for never leaving me.

For always loving me.

For giving me rock-solid truth

Something to fall back on.

Something to live for.

Something to live IN!

The truth of your love…the truth of you…the truth of GOD…made real and living in my life.

 

You’re all I have left.

All I have to live for.

I’ve not got a hope in the world without you.

You’re my last chance, my only chance…and even if I had others, you’re the only chance I want to take. You’re the chance I choose. You’re the hope I love. The love I love! (If that makes any sense!)

 

Oh, what a wonderful message we have to get out! We have to spread…this truth, that God is the ultimate giver.
That He longs to give us what we are searching for and seeking, wholeheartedly and freely-that He doesn’t want us to bring Him anything, or be religious or pious-but to simply be before Him, real and true, and ourselves-that’s what He wants.

What a gift of love!

No requirements to get this gift, no strings attached.

It’s simply there, to be had, lived, and enjoyed.

And oh wow, what this love does for us…!

It sets everything right under the sky, in our loves…

It’s unstoppable.

Stronger than death, and is life itself…life so real and beautiful and TRUE. God. Is. Love.

Nothing can separate us from this love, from God. Rom. 8:38

 

And this love is free, abundant, for all to enjoy.

To set all right.

That’s what God loves.

That’s what LOVE does.

 

I live to love and be loved.

Before, that was reversed-I lived to be loved.

Now, I am absolute in my soul-I will be loved no matter what, by God…setting me free to live to love others, even in the face of bitter rejection.

To love with a fire, a passion, unknown to man and unstoppable. God’s love.

That’s God.

And that’s what I want!

Can you imagine what would happen if we all loved each other like this? What life and the world would be like, if we as Christian brothers and sisters, set the barriers of different religions and face cards down, and simply loved each other like this? And loved others who don’t know God in the same way?

We’d be unstoppable!
The word of God would penetrate the earth with such a fierce, swift, and amazing light that all would be changed forever.

If the love of just one man, Jesus, could bring about salvation in one moment, for every man to ever walk the earth-think about what would happen if that same love dwelt in us and lived in us and worked through us in the same way…wow.

 

And it’s there, readily available.

God is eager to set love to work in us!

 

I will praise You God, praise Your path, and choose Your path above all others. This is a huge desire of my heart, the central desire of my heart and life.

 

I will praise You, even when my circumstances may boggle my mind with pain and misunderstanding, and change…I will trust You, that You are fulfilling Your work and Your words in my life…and I will sing of Your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy.

 

I choose to praise You no matter what happens to me. No matter what I go through. No matter what pops up in my life, I will praise You. I WILL PRAISE YOU.

 

Please hold this, and thread this in my life with your strength.

I love you, God..
    Even when pain is an ocean tossing us around, around, around..You are from greater waters, higher mountains have come down…I will sing of your mercy…

Yeah.

 Only You, God, are worth it.

 Only You.

 

*****

 

I started writing on the PC because my thoughts and heart were flowing so fast, my pen couldn’t keep up with them!

 

Seemed like there was an overwhelming feeling in me…

That there is so much to learn, to prepare for being a wife…if the Lord wills it.

 

I surrendered that desire too…

 

I think the valley song has become a life song for me. And praise you in the storm.

 

Even in the midst of surrendering desire; I kinda expected the desire to drop off, or the faith to wane…but instead, it’s grown.

 

It’s still there!!!

GOD! I think this is your plan.

And, oh boy…so much to learn and prepare for your plan!

I want to learn it, do it, and rise to it in courage and GO FOR IT WITH ALL I’VE GOT!! You & me, God, let’s go and let’s do it! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

“Courage! We’ll fight with might and main for our people and for the cities of our God. And God will do whatever He sees needs doing.”

 

          [We know God’s plan for us. Let’s rise up as men (womenJ), and set our hearts and minds to get it done!]-Every Single Woman’s Battle

 

Everything I need is God.

The Bible is awesome, the Bible is God’s word…

God.

All will be made plain, all will be set clear.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!!!

 

Please help my future husband and I tonight…please continue to bring us together, to prepare us, and to open our eyes. Let him see what You’re doing in some way at least, please…

I love you.

 I am waiting in eager anticipation...but...

All in God’s perfect time.

I lay it all at His feet.

And yet, glorious-the faith is still there!!!

Oh, to be ready…to be accepting, and adoring, and loving God…no matter how or what or when it happens!

To be trusting…

 

But the desire does not just stop with getting married…that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

I want to go on to live an amazing life of love, of courage, of testimony-living proof that God exists-to be completely one with my future husband.

To face all things, unstoppable and courageous with love for God.

To go places as a married couple, in our walk with the Lord and relationship-that no one has ever gone before.

To be absolutely amazing, witness to God.

Two be powerful for God.

July 21, 2008
    So, that was all copied over here from last night. And something about the font refuses to change completely to black, for some reason...oh well.

    I was skimming over what I'd written, making minor edits, and thought about clipping certain sections-they almost seemed too enthusiastic, too wishy, too personal. But I thought better of it, and I'm glad I did.

    God's proving Himself in my life.

I may not see everything He is doing-of course I don't. But I can just rely on Him in faith. And take every thought captive.

    I've been studying in a workbook for "Every single woman's battle" and came across a question that challenged me to seriously think and challenge my own faith.

    What is the difference between excellence and perfection? And even though we'll never be perfect, why should we keep on striving towards that?

    Here's the shorthand answer that I wrote down last night. "Excellence is man's version of perfection, "as good as it gets"-and is made up of a lot of pride, outer standards that don't go deep, vanity, etc. Perfection is God's will worked to completion in our lives; a beautiful work of art where we can ONLY stand in humility & awe and say, "That's God's work." The perfection is sinless, and we will all be fully sinless and fully brought through in eternity, when God's work is fully brought to perfect completion as He promises.
Why do we have to keep on striving to perfection, even though we know we'll never 'make it perfect?' Because we have the goal in sight, run the race with endurance. Because only with this running, this endurance and soul/spiritual/mind/bodily effort to and for God, can God's will be worked to completion in us through God.

Solved a lot of the questions about, why try? that I'd had from years ago.

*****
Also working on something of a deep subject.
Going through all my old journals.
I started seriously journaling when I was 14, and I'm not sure what I'll find-certainly a pattern, evidence of God's footprints and caring hands guiding me-even through darkness and despair.
I'm re-reading them, and, to use a somewhat freaky word-analyzing them.
It's quite a task, but one I know is especially important to my work for the ranch. because at the ranch I want it to be a place of healing, discoveries, truth hope and love...and for that to be in place, I know that I have to look back-even as painful as it might be-back at the confusion, and all the emotion that a lost 14 year old girl could possibly write. Some of the entries seem too deep for someone that young to write! And others are silly, barely scratching the surface.
I don't know how hard this will be. I only tackled 2 entries, but read without stopping several more.

So...

******

Here's a Psalm that means a lot to me, especially in connection with laying down my desires and wishes and hopes and my idea of what I want life to be like:

    "One day spent in Your house, this beautiful place of worship, beats thousands spent on Greek island beaches. I'd rather scrub floors in the house of my God than be honored as a guest in the palace of sin."

Even if my desires don't come about the way I want at the time, or envision...I'd still rather scrub floors in God's house. That is the total truth.
To go back to sin, and all that confusion...seems terrifying and horrifying to me.

It's been good, that way-to look through my journals, and see more of what was going on at the time-and know exactly what I've been rescued from.

God is amazing.

And at first, I struggled with why I hadn't been rescued right away from the misconstrued emotion and pain-but I realize now, that my whole life is marked by God's divine intervention; and everything is being worked to a glorious completion.

So, scattered thoughts...and all for now, because I don't have internet at home-and Nils and Emily have kindly let me use the laptop for quite a while now...

love,
Beth
p.s.
Here's another part to that Psalm, 84:
"All sunshine and sovereign is God, generous in gifts and glory. He doesn't scrimp with his traveling companions. It's smooth sailing all the way with God of the Angel Armies." (Smooth sailing doesn't mean no sorrow, so don't take that wrong)
"And how blessed all those in whom you live,
whose lives become roads you travel; they wind through lonesome valleys, come upon brooks, discover cool springs and pools brimming with rain! God traveled, these roads curve up the mountain, and at the last turn-Zion! God in full view!"

 

Hey, I just finished writing an entry in my other blog and felt so completely satisfied with it, confident that there is something of God in it, that I decided to post it on this one too.

****


I have some time to just be...

       Quiet and relaxed, no deadlines. No phone calls, no problems, and actually-no pressing work to get done.

Just some time to simply be in God's presence, as honestly and as simply as I can manage.

       I've found that if I don't set aside some time like this, just to be in God's presence & to listen to the rhythms of my heart-than eventually I break down; I'm not as connected to my Creator, or my soul.

    Or the Holy Spirit for that matter...

It's struck me today how much suffering there is, all around me...suffering in the hearts of others. Sometimes it seems as though suffering is something that we all carry with us in some small measure, at least somewhere in our souls.

"When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse everything I know of you, from Jordan depths to Hermon heights, including Mount Mizar.

Chaos calls to chaos, to the tune of whitewater rapids.

Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers,
 crash and crush me...

Then God promises to love me all day, sing songs all through the night!

My life is god's prayer." Ps. 42:6|8

    "God will provide rain for the seeds you sow." Isaiah 30:23

I've been wondering lately about suffering...comparing the suffering, or the tough situations and circumstances, to rain. The song, Praise you in this storm by Casting Crowns, speaks of it "still raining"; that's what really triggered this thought.

And then I came across that one verse in Isaiah, and God has used it to speak to my heart.

"God sends rain for the seeds you sow" period. The seeds you sow. The verse doesn't happen to specify whether or not they are good seeds, it just says "the seeds". I am also reminded of that verse in Ecclesiastes or Job or Lamentations (Sorry, don't know which one) about God sending sunshine down on both the good and the bad.

Maybe these circumstances, these "rains", are really God's way of bringing out the seeds we have been sowing. If there have been any seeds sown to God, they'll survive-and be used to refine us through the trials, the storms.

I feel like I've just begun a period of soul sunshine right now, even though there has been an awful lot of rain previously.

    *****

"Cry for help & you'll find it's grace & more grace. The moment he hears, he'll answer." Isaiah 30: 20

    "Everyone who runs to God makes it" Ps. 18:30

This is sheer gift and grace.

The very fact that God was with me through all the sins, through both the good and the bad times, He has stuck with me-that is evidence of a grace that is so misunderstood. I am just now beginning to barely see grace as it is from God-and I feel like that glimpse is like the glimpse in 1 Cor. 13, "through a dim window-obscurely"-but day by day, revelation by revelation, God is revealing Himself to me in truer and fuller ways every day.

My eyes are being opened a little wider in that way, and a little more each day.

******

And I love this! To know, as I wake up every morning to dawn's fresh beams jetting through my window-I know that God loves me.
That His love, like a whole week of sunshine at once, bursts on my heart and brings me into life.
That all He is doing is better than my wildest dreams, my wildest imaginations.

That what He wants for me is better than anything I could dream of for myself.

"The revelation of God is whole, and pulls our lives together... The signposts of God are clear, and point out the right road. The life-maps of God are right, showing the way to joy. The directions of God are plain and easy on the eyes." Ps. 19:7|8

*****

"A transformed woman will embrace the transforming God!"-Jer. 31:22

"Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly." 1 Cor. 13:13

"Stay with it-that's what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won't be sorry; you'll be saved." Mark 13:13

"All the others gave what they'll never miss; she gave extravagantly what she couldn't afford-she gave her all." Mark 12:44

"This is war, and there is no neutral ground" Matt. 12:30

"Keep your eyes open, hold tight to your convictions, give it all you've got, be resolute, and love without stopping." 1 Cor. 16:13|14

*****

Some life verses I love and seek to live by, seek to build into the very fabric of my life.

*****

Anyway, I'm gonna get going now...but it's been nice to let the thoughts flow for a while!

p.s.-this is what the rhythm of my heart is saying:

"I love you God-you make me strong. God is bedrock under my feet, the castle in which I live, my rescuing knight. My God-the high crag where I run for dear life, hiding behind the boulders, safe in the granite hideout...
I sing to God, the Praise-Lofty, and find myself safe & saved." Ps. 18:1|3

And there's peace running through my heart, because I am saved. God has showered me with love, and He has never ceased to watch over me. I can rest now, I can relax-God is keeping my soul safely and carefully in His loving hands. THE BEST PLACE TO BE!!!

love,
beth