i come back here a year later... and read everything i wrote so long ago..

i'ts funny... all of this is so sad and so depressing.. yet none of it amounts to what has happened to me in the past year i'v been gone.

i just wish i could tell it all.

what ever happened to the good old days.. when people could actually be with someone because they really wanted to..

so many of us ruin it for everyone else.. its so sad.

some people go into a relationship only wanting one thing.. everyone knows what that is.. every guy is accused of it everytime he even talks to a girl, i dont even need to say what it is, its only obvious.

what happened to the time when.. that was the last thing you wanted out of a girl? when you would just sit there for hours at a time.. thinking and thinking of them and wanting nothing more than to hold their hand and see them smile back at you.. is that nothing but lost now?

why is it an automatic assumption.. that when i tell you your beautiful.. you think i want to sleep with you? its like that for everyone and it shouldnt be.. everything now has lost its emotion it seems and its all physical.. its only our own fault for making it like this.

you walk around sometimes.. and see someone less fortunate with someone you would call beautiful.. and wonder.. "why is she with him?" or "why is he with her?"... in my eyes they are the lucky ones.. the ones who can see past what everyone else thinks and the ones who acutally follow their hearts, not worrying about the crowd or how popular he or she is.

its relationships like that.. that give me hope and make me think there are still some of you out there who can look past everything fake.. everything materialistic.. and who truly are in love.

when i meet someone new.. who i start to like.. i always sit there the night after, and think to myself..

"what do i have to do to keep her liking me.. do i have to be mean? do i have to dissapear so she will worry.. should i always be nice.. should i act like im never jealous?".. "what do i have to go out of my way to do.. so i dont lose her?"

what ever happened to love at first sight.. what happened to people being together because they couldnt live without eachother.

no one should have to sit there... and think to themselves how not to lose the one they care about.

it will never change.. thats why as im writing this.. i whisper to myself..

"why am i the only one taking this step?"

moved out and starting my life..

everyone reaches a stage in their life where.. you realize that nothing good lasts forever, and you just have to grow up and learn to live without anyone.

iv decided to get over the 2 girls i cared for most.. they are too young for a relationship to actually mean anything other than comfort and a reputation. so i have to get a job, move on..and pretty much dissapear out of everyones life.

change has to come, and its time start my life.. meaning my next "girlfriend" will without a doubt be my last.

and people... dont tell me to lighten up or tell me im taking this too seriously.. this is how i like to be.

i am who i am dont try to change me.. if you dont like me for me sorry.