I'm not back yet.

But...

I don't have a baby anymore.

Chris and I are coping....it's hard but he has been more than great through all of this.

Later girls.

Wow. Our baby is only the size of a kidney bean right now and yet we are SOO busy planning and preparing for the arrival.

Yesterday we legalized our union and (lol) I CRIED like an idiot! I spent the night at his apartment last night and it was *magic*.  Lol it was like our mini honey moon I guess? Whatever , it was wonderful but I can't go into TOO much detail

Anyways, he has taken the next 3 weeks off or work so that we can get things situated. Best of all we have a place to live together. (Holy crap I'm 19 and I have a house??? Sometimes I feel like this is a dream because it happened so fast). It's a really really cute ranch. 3 bedrooms, 3 full baths. The master bathroom and bedroom is GINORMOUS! I have so much decorating and planning to do. But until I get some creative ideas we're going to be living in a blank slate. I have 2 of my closest friends, my mom and his mom coming over to help me out with everything so that takes a load off. I want to get the bulk of everything done so that when I start getting bigger I can just sit down!

 We have decided that the first room we're decorating is the nursery. *awww* It's gonna be all pale yellow and white. I guess when we find out the sex we can slowly add more girly or boyish things. My inspiration for the room came from this picture; . Chris and I were looking online for ideas on nursery and he could tell I was in love so we ordered it.

Hmmm sidebar***So just so I'm not sounding crazy, heres a little background info: My hubby (OH MY GOD I"M A WIFE???????????????) is 22. His parents are...to say the least loaded while mine are hmmm, well off?  So his dad owns a contracting buisness and a landscaping company. His dad feels that he and his brother have to learn the ropes for "X" amount years before he turns the buisness over to them completely. So this is why he can take off 3 weeks from work yet still get paid a nice lump. Enough that we can live comfortably. And this is how we got a house and we're 19 and 22. So yea...I figured it probably sounded farfetched but thats whats what!

Moving on

My mom and his mom are throwing a "surprise" baby shower that I found out about But they dont know I know so SHHHHHHHH! Anyways, yesterday, (or maybe the day before) when I came home my dad was sitting on the floor playing PS2 (what a big kid!) with this box wrapped in baby wrapping paper next to him. So I'm like whats that? And he says "ohhhhhhhh something from me and your mom."

Hell yes girls. A Louis V. diaper bag Happy joy I can't wait to fill that puppy with all kinds of fun baby stuff, lol.

Well so I know I said I wanted a boy buuuuuuuuuuuut I had second thoughts after I saw this;  How CUTE is that bib? lol

well its time for me to go...What Not To Wear is about to come on Later!

Everything is happening SO fast.

:~:Disclaimer:~: So I dont expect you guys to read all of my ramblings or even comment! I won't feel bad if you dont either. This is basically just me expressing my feelings/fears/joys/worries for the next 7 months! Okay, proceed...

Yesterday my sweetheart got off of work early and called me. He was in the *best* mood ever because he had a really easy day on the location. I wasn't worried about telling him though because I knew he wouldnt freak. So he asked me to come over and give him a bath *lol*. We sat and talked and ate *yes I actually ate* (1 cup noodles and tomato sauce, 1/2 stick of garlic bread, HUGE salad w/ no dressing, water with like 4 lemons!). He was so happy that I ate and so he asked what was up...why I was acting so different.

So here's what I did:

Before I went to his house I went to Baby Depot and bought some baby items, wrapped them up, and gave it to him. I bought a bottle with a yellow ribbon around it, a yellow bib, a pack of new born huggies *aww, they are SO tiny!* and a newborn blanket, all in yellow because thats a pretty neutral color right?

Lol well anyways he guessed right away and he was SOOOOOOOOO happy. I mean I knew he would be but I didnt know his reaction would be so...excited and amazed! I could not be happier right now. It seems like everything is falling into place....really fast, nonetheless for the best.

I also told my parents. My mom cried (aww mommy). "my baby is having a baby". My dad was pretty enthused too. I mean they would have preferred that I was married but they're not worried at all. They know Chris will take care of me...I mean US! The four of us (well 5! lol) sat down and talked about me finishing school and ironed out all of those detials. Everyone made me feel so comfortable and at ease. I'm not worried at all! 

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE THIS MEANS? We're having a "unofficial/official" nuptual ceremony. There will be no church wedding until after our little bundle has arrived, but until then we're getting it done legally so that our family will be right, and complete. I have always had every intention of spending the rest of my life with him....it just came sooner than expected!

So anyways, yesterday after he had calmed down a bit, we started looking at places to stay and whatnot. I just cannot wait to be in a house with the love of my life and my baby. This is crazy! My mom has been giving me "lessons" on what a wife should and should not do...lol as crazy as that sounds.  I mean I guess I have to learn because I can admit I'm REALLY spoiled.

Tomorrow is such a busy day. Chris took off of work so that we can get some things done. He's gonna start packing up his apartment (so that whenever we sign the papers to live in OUR house, he can just move right out). Then we're going to look at a couple little houses. CUTE little houses near where his parents live  Then we're going baby shopping TOGETHER! He wants a girl (a daddy's little girl) and I want a boy. Lol his parents wants twins! Yea right!

Then in two weeks is my very first ultra sound. I'm SOOOOOOOO excited for that! (But why does it have to be so far away??) We get to see the 1st picture of our baby OKay I'm crying now and I'm rambling, lol.

I'm a MOMMY!

Bye for now;; updates tomorrow;; and thank you SOOOO much for all the positive feedback and love Please if any mommies out there have tips or hints, I would NOT mind getting them!

Attention: This Is My LAST POST!

Guys,  everything was going great for me. My body has been changing like crazy but today I found out that I can no longer do this.

As some of you know I'm neutropenic (low white blood cells NOT to be confused with anemia). But anyways, I go to the doctor every couple months to get a check on my blood counts and today was the day. So I figured it was time for me to have a complete physical so I did. Guess what they found................................

I AM TWO MONTHS PREGNANT!!!!!!!

Holy

Shit

I am so scarred and nervous and I dont even know any of you personally yet you are the first ones I've told. I'm only 19 (20 in 3 months) guys this is freakin ridiculous.

So I'm asking my doctor to be completely sure and she gave me test after test and everytime it came back positive. I didnt understand how I could be pregnant and not show and continue to lose weight and she said I wont start showing until my 4th or 5th month. Even regular dieting will still show results until the baby starts growing. Like I can still lose weight in my thighs but when my tummy starts growing theres no stopping it.

I broke down and told my doctor about my ED and she said basically either start eating right with baby friendly foods in GENEROUS quantities, or risk delivering a malnurished baby with all kinds of birth defects and a low birth weight.  I totally cannot mess up someone elses body, I've already screwed with my own.

I just CANNOT BELIEVE THIS. Like when I found out, on the way home from the doctor I cried because I was sad, then happy, then scarred, then happy again. As of right now I'm happy and nervous.

I have 7 months of worrying ahead of me. I'm so scarred for my baby. Me and my honey already get all kinds of crazy looks b/c we're an interracial couple. Like people are kind of used to seeing blk guys and wht girls, but we're the complete opposite which is even more rare I guess. People are just so mean and I dont want him or her (OH MY GOD...I'm pregnant, it just hit me again) to have to witness that.

Oh oh oh and you know what the CRAZY thing is? We've never NOT used a condom. E*V*E*R.

...faulty trojans? I dont know.

Okay I'm shaking still but I'm about to try to lay down for a little bit and sort out my emotions. Then when he gets off of work I'm gonna go over there and tell him. Or no I'm gonna ask him to come over. Uuuugh I dont know what I'm doing.

Later girls....keep up the good work without me /