20 years 4 months and 1 day (man juz by seein' the figures makes me wanna kill myself.  can't imagine calculating out the seconds, not that i can be bothered)

ive been livin' all this time in doubt (well not exactly ALL THIS TIME but u no what i mean)

in uncertainty

sure there have been happy times in my life where i thot i couldn't get any happier

but now

i've proved myself wrong

thank you

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i'm a worthless bitch

i mean if my mom was to sell me to some butcher i think i'd only be worth $0.1

u know how there's this chinese saying that quite a lotta parents love to use "sarng gau char siu (bbq pork) do ho gwor sarng nei ah!!!"--sth like i wish i'd given birth to a piece of bbq pork instead of u! (cuz at least we can eat it!) well in fact that is so true, at least for my parents.  how i wish they'd say that to me

i'm worse than a mountain of trash.  why?  cuz at least trash can be used for land recovering purposes, which would definitely be beneficial to the densely populated hk

ps: pls forgive if this blog doesn't make any sense to u

its not meant to...cuz...

i'm extremely bad at expressing myself

i know this sounds really bad, especially for a 20 year old

but really

i can't communicate with ppl

i can't speak

i can't write

i can't even communicate with myself if it makes any sense at all

*THE END*

to SONG SONG:

happy 19th bday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hope u'll stay as SONG alwayz!  heheheehhh...

havin' been "blown" by a few ppl to update my xanga, ive finally decided to return to the xanga world.  ah well its only been what 5 dayz?  anywayz..

so ya i started attending these driving theory lessons at the hk school of motoring last saturday.  met a couple of pretty interesting ppl.  theres this gurl called jay (who's korean) from upenn and knows sandra my ex-tennis buddy, a british-canadian guy called adam who knows someone from tufts, a filipino guy (Jr), an hku medic (Betsy) who knows janice and jess lai and june and jeannette and yvonne (note: all these ppl were either from dgs, roedean or tufts) my god the world is so damn small.  eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek.  anywayz it was funny how june and i were walkin' around cwb the other day, and just as we were talking about betsy she suddenly appeared right in front of us.  the cute thing was, betsy was linking arms with this other gurl while june and i were linking arms too hahah.  june spotted the gurl who was with betsy first before i spotted betsy hahaah.  haiii what the hell i bet im boring u ppl with crap shit here.  ok i'll shuttup

heh isn't she cutee?  she's my mom's friend's daughter, katrina.  and that lil purple winnie the pooh neck rest thing that we ppl use on the plane hahaha...

"ok baby let mommy feed u ur congee" ...(spoons a spoonful of congee from the bowl)

"now open ur mouth sweetie!"

GOD these two kids are soooo cute.  u should see how the older one dances like a crazy woman and does all these funny acts to make the younger one laugh.  the two then end up in hysterics. its SUCH a funny scene

sunday--family day.  nothing much juz a few arguments here and there...bleh.  what can i say i think my mom goin thru some sorta mid-life crisis rite now.  arghhhhhhhh it better be over soon.

monday--had my summer job interview then met up with june.  to be honest i really dunno how it went.  i mean she was askin' me things like "do u have any idea of how much salary u want?", "how many hours do u wanna work per day?" and "do u want me to give u an hourly wage or do u prefer a monthly salary?" inside my head i was thinkin' "shouldn't YOU be deciding all these things?" but since i didn't wanna say the wrong shit i said i didn't mind/had no preference.  the lady said she was gonna email me within these few dayz after they've figured out whether their budget allows them to employ someone as useless as me, and all the schedule and shit.  ah well...apparently the summer programs don't start till july 12th and to be honest i REALLY dun wanna work during july and august.  so ya IF they employ me all i'll be doin is research for teaching materials, printing out pics and shit for makin' flashcards, u know, all the clerical stuff.  i guess i dun mind.

meetin' up with june was FUN.  we lingered (seriously we were even slower than snails, or ants) on the streets and malls of cwb.  got ourselves a top each at some random store in times sq, dinner at city'super, more lingering around, bought some nail polish, followed by even more lingering around, then finally stopped at baby blue for drinks + dessert.  nice chats with june for about 2 hours?  purple rain + blueberry crumble + waffles with maple syrup.  sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeettt but FATTENING.  arghhh i swear i'm goin on a strict diet from now on.  no excuses.   no more munchin' on fattening junk.  no more midnite snacking.  no more fattening food in general.  I AM D.E.T.E.R.M.I.N.E.D

me and june at baby blue

CHEERS to our long-lasting friendship (from P.2 till now).  ur rite.  its a blessing that the two of us can still be such good friends after all these years.  we've been thru a lot--me leavin for roedean, u goin to UWC in italy, u comin' back to hk while i went off to the states.  i know we're gonna stay friends forever.  i juz know it.  its not even a mere "friends forever" ppl usually write in autographs.  this is some deep, serious shit we're talking about here muhahahaha i'm startin' to sound stupid.  but really, u are a very special friend of mine.

blueberry crumble + a scoop of vanilla ice cream.  sweeeeeeeeet

waffles with maple syrup.............

these are the last desserts i'll have this summer.  (well i guess i can have tofu flower, or maybe fruit sorbet) *pouts*

yesterday,..hmm nothing much but i FINALLY went for my hair trim.  u guyz aren't gonna notice it tho the hairstyle's basically the same.  juz a bit shorter.  can't wait till i get my highlites next week.  but hmm i'm actually considering perming my hair..well perhaps not during the summer...maybe the upcoming winter.

ehh???  am i dat badddd?!?!?

so i've been too lazy to update my xanga recently.  dunno...but there really is nothing to write about i mean the stuff i do every day is basically the same.  wake up, brush my teeth, pig out, hea, read mags, hea more, online, hea, meet up with my mom after she gets off work....etcetc...everything seems so pointless.  i guess its becuz not many of my dear frenz are back yet.  esp u uk ppl....arghhh but ya stay tough..FIGHT for it!!  THEN it'll be time for a blastin' and rockin' summer 2004 ! 

hmm i wonder if the hku ppl have finished their exams yet i guess lai hiu has prolly finished hers but dunno about the rest..i think mon and LKY have exams till the 26th or sth?  haiii lousy memory...oh ya orel maybe we should meet up sometime hahaha..and charis, constance WHEN are u comin' back?  u 2 are takin' forever.  i could meet up with kd and claud but since kd has to work and claud was busy with job interviews the whole week we pretty much isolated ourselves.  but ya we're meetin' up tonite hehehhh...maybe catch a movie, followed by dinner etc.  can't wait can't wait.

job interview at 4:45--at this playschool type thing called little dynamites.  at cwb (=causeway bay not clear water bay claud!  but i guess it works either way)--perrrrfect location.  OMG i juz reread the email, it says the children/toddlers/infants even, will be from 2 months to 10 years old.  OMG.  i thot the youngest kids would be 2 years old, not 2 months old!  my god i hope i dun kill em.  but oh well if i had a choice i wouldn't wanna work with kids that young cuz...hahhh they might urinate and shit everywhere and, to be honest, i wouldn't know howta handle that.  and also, as i said, i wouldn't wanna kill em.  muhahahaa makes me think of the weird dream i had at the beginning of this semester, as annie and jason would remember--killin' an embryo.  juz by pinching and slappin' it in the face cuz it was bein' too mischievous. GOD.  how fragile.   hahah.  anywayz the whole dream didn't' quite make sense but i guess thats the way dreamz are

oh ya forgot to mention..the trip to xian was, um...a bit tooooooo boring.  for me and my mom that is.  museum visitin' and listening to all the history (in mandarin) proved to be a lil too much.  my dad, on the other hand,  was wayyy too engrossed in the antiques and exhibits and all the history that goes with it.  but both my mom and i agreed that the food was great.  the "goon tong baus" were the best--similar to siu loong baus (but made with beef/lamb instead of pork cuz the whole place was full of muslims).  mann i had 11 in a row for breakfast one day.  damnnn...and ive been binging since i came back.  guess its pms but still--it doesn't quite gimme the excuse for eating so god damn much!!!

argh its raining again.  why does it always rain on me?!?!?!?

end of entry.  stay tuned for the next.