I cannot believe what the crap I hear and read these days... 

  I mean, words are all around us, but not a whole lot of it has any real meaning..... 


 



 or maybe it's me.................. 




 Naaaaahhhhhhh........



 We've all played bullshit bingo at work, right? 



 

 (If not- try it ......  The rules are very simple. When in a meeting, draw a matrix of 5 by 5 squares.
 Fill in the squares with words that are sooooo overly used that no one exactly knows its meaning.
 Agree on the words and start the meeting. When players hear any of their bullshitwords spoken
   in the meeting, they cross it off their cards. Card full? Shout “Bullshit!!” as loud as you can
   and claim your prize, whatever that may be. )



 Well, it seems like I feel like screaming 'bullshit' just about everytime I read anything these days......... 


 

     Lemme give you some examples. 





 
 

 


 



















































 


























 

  Oh, man... do I need a trip to the beach.

 Cabin fever is already setting in, and my tan has gone the way of all flesh... I'm paler than Roseanne's ass.
 
 Competition-tan looks like orange paint on me... so that's raht out.

 The beach...., yeah, that's what I need.... 

 SUN,

 SAND,  

 SURF,

 BIKINIS, 

 WILDLIFE, 

 

 ummm.....  ok..... 

 Not that kinda wildlife...........


 Yeah.. that's what I need alright.

(I assume the 'thinker' pose... you know... the one that Dobie Gillis used to do
  his soliloquies in front of.

 ------WHO's Dobie Gillis? Oh man, Yer too young to be reading my blog!
-----------What's a soliloquy? Oh man, Yer too ... oh never mind...)

 HMMM..., which beach, tho?

 There are beaches, and then, there is BITCHIN' BEACHES! 




 Happily, there are several good choices in the SE United States.................

                      but.................. 


                    

..........my favorite is Trunk Bay in St. John, United States Virgin Islands-

           if you've never been there, you really HAVE TO GO.

 It's so beautiful, it's breathtaking.

 I've gotta find those pic's I took......
   they all look like postcards, I kid you not. 

 This pic was taken from the highway on top of the ridge overlooking Trunk Bay.

 What you can't see is:  

     just how clear, warm and blue-green the water is, 

     how clear and sweet smelling the air is,

     how sugary the sand is,

    how great the view of the neighboring islands is,

(if you squint - you might be able to see a place called "Jost Van Dyke".....
hint, hint, nudge, nudge, know what I mean...)

    and how nice the people that live there are.

 Actually, most of the island is a National Park...
and there's so much to see and do that I've often felt that
if I was gonna be driven to drink anyway, I'd want to be driven there.

(They're in DIRE NEED of a gym, tho...)

 Did I mention that not far from St. John by boat is the absolute wildest time
you will ever have on a New Years Eve? ...

 .......... on the Island of Jost Van Dyke.....
please, please, please... YOU DID NOT HEAR THIS FROM ME...
but-- be there December 31 and see for yerself.
(Be SURE to bring along what we used to call a "safe friend"). 'Nuff said.

Florida has some great beaches.

I dig Captiva.. it's clean and well maintained,
 with a bountiful Cee-lection of thonged and well-heeled feminine pultritude;

Bonita Beach for it's gorgeous seashells and non existent crowds,

Sebastian Inlet for it's pirate treasure often found washing up on the beach,

Pensacola for it's National Seashore, (and a terrific duty station!) 

 



Palm Coast for it's secluded, uncrowded, unspoiled strand,




       (That is, until me and my brother Mark got there........... )



 

Pompano Beach for having one of the best and friendliest hardcore gyms in the world- 

    

  Tropical Gym, ( it's a dungeon, OK- - SO WHAT??? )

  ... and the place where I lost my cherry OH so many years ago... ,  

      (at the beach, not the gym...) 

   (I think I still got sand up my strap....)

  and

 St. Augustine - not only for the beach, but for being a great place to spend time 
   even when the sun ain't out.

Also, for scuba diving, you can't beat Key Largo and the State Park at John Pennekamp;
  the diving is great, the water clear and there's always something interesting to see.

(I don't know how we got talking about scuba.... You ain't gonna get much of tan THAT way! )



(Here's my favorite uncle taken at the sunken 'Christ of the Abyss' statue in Pennekamp.)

Of course, North Carolina also has it's share of terrific beaches...

 Topsail,

 Sunset, 

 

 (yes, the swinging bridge is still there, but not for much longer.......... )


 Okracoke...., (check out my favorite Okracoke Blog at http://ocracokeblog.com/)

(stay away from Wilmington, lest you trip over the starving to death homeless people -
 whom the city has decided to let starve by refusing to support the distribution of free food on any public land)

---- and if you're planning on smoking in bed, know yer address if you're in beautiful Ocean Isle.......

 but it's already too damn cold here for doing anything on the beach
 other than nipple watchin' or freezin' off toe warts.. or toes.


 South Carolina's got Huntington Beach State Park... VERY NICE... but still too cold raht now....

  I'm boycotting Myrtle Beach (along with 30,000 other bikers....)  ..............







 .......and our friends down in GA have got Yuppie-Head Island...

  no..... I need some place warmer, and friendlier, and much less tight-assed than dat.

ooops....

...........there goes my business phone line again.....

.........oh man.... damn......

............. well...,        anybody got a sun-lamp and a Wii ?????? 


                 




 

 

          Ahh, blogs are wonderful..... 

   I was reading another person's Blog one day recently ....

.....  I wasn't enamored with her attitude about men, so I'm not gonna mention her user name,
although she'd be easy enough to find if you're really interested.

 Try a search like "HATES MEN", and her picture and biography are sure to pop up. 



                               



 Her premise was based on the recent Psychology Today article that polled male and female heterosexuals
over 25 on their initial visual contact points when meeting someone of the opposite sex.
The majority of males said "EYES" or "FACE",  the majority of females said "CROTCH".

 Now, the female answer- I gotta admit struck me as kinda counterintuitive - although since I read
that article I've been paying closer attention, and have noticed a strong propensity of women toward
sneaking a quick peek southward that I had never really noticed before.... but the male answer, for me
at least, was RIGHT ON THE MONEY. 


                           



 Eyes are always the first point I look at - and if I see somebody IN there, admittedly then I'm gonna
be covering a lot of ground very quick after that -- -

............. but Miss Penis Envy wrote that: "Men are all pigs and liars. Thye don't look at the eyes..
they check your botty (sic) out and don't look at your face until they decide they want you.
they use you and throw you away."


 Hmmm... I really had a hard time not responding - but I couldn't figure out for the life of me how to
tell her how deluded she was without making her hate men worse.
(No men responded... a lot of women agreed , though..)
It's obvious that the few MEN she's known didn't treat her very well, and so she's decided we're all lying swine.

"OINK OINK....yeah, baby I'll call ya...

  OINK OINK... yeah, I'll make you cum next time...

  OINK OINK... just suck on it a little bit more, it'll taste like lemon pudding....

  OINK OINK."

 Sure, there's some real PORK out there...

  A friend of mine sent me a group of explicit pictures he'd gotten of some guy's ex-wife, with nasty
captions the ex-husband had written on them.....
................   like "here's that w***** with a candle up her *******".


 Sorry for the editing, but I really detest that kinda thing - you know, it's like:
while she was with you, she was great - let you take all kinds of dirty pix of her, all in fun...
now, you're mad at her, so she's a slut or a whore or any combination of both....
................  OH NICE.   W T F is your problem? Grow up.


                               


  I read another of my friends blogs just this morning - and she's posted a couple of nasty emails she's gotten
from such guys she doesn't even know.... but I shudder to think that the 98% of us who don't send
strange women unsolicited pictures of their peckers should be measured by that same yardstick...
(........ or in these guys' cases, very small rulers.........)


(what the fuck kinda guy DOES that? just how desperate do you gotta be???)

 So let's set the record straight, guys.

POST in comments what you notice first when you meet a woman.

 And ladies, please do the same.... I'm still having a little trouble believing the crotch deal........

....................... ......... as for me, I'm gonna go find a sock to stuff into my jock strap.


      OINK     OINK       OINK