I'm starting to get that feeling again - like I'm slowly dying, only not so dramatic and all.  I just feel sick every day, and lose a little bit of fight each day..... good thing this is only winter, though.  I'll be gone in 10 days.  The trip to Santa Barbara was not all that promising.  I stayed at my sister's new place, with her new boyfriend who, along with my parents, I am learning to dislike more and more.  At first I defended this guy with my parents, now I wanted to tell him the same things I've wanted to tell all the others..... it is difficult playing "protective brother" with such an uncautious sister.  Forgive my openness but it gets old, this is the same pattern we go through every year with the new boyfriends.  There were times on this trip when I thought, "Why should I keep trying, when she so clearly continues this same pattern?"  That's when I realized that family really can be boiled down to an obligation, you know, when all the fun and good times are not present.  Ah, I've allowed far too much cynicism again on this blasted page.  Forgive me, all friends.  I think it's because my body feels like it is going to deteriorate.  Maybe tomorrow will be better............

Must force some good news before I leave - saw The Pursuit of Happyness, and cried a ton, it was good

It was a long night at work tonight.  It's been getting difficult here, I think.... well, prayers always help and are appreciated.  I think I hate that I am looking forward... anyway, I'm going to be in Santa Barbara for the next 3 days.  I miss all of you who know you are missed, and look forward to seeing people who merit such forward-looking.  Be back in a few days.

Today was nice - we went to Sacramento and I saw my aunt and uncle and cousins and grandparents, all the Christians in the family.  It was really refreshing to see them, as always.  The last couple days have been a little harder.  I always hope for the best.  I always allow for the "impossible" - for anyone in my family to make a decision to follow Christ.  I try my best to prepare for the worst.  That is, after all, the other end of the proverb.  But I do not always know what this means, though I am generally convinced that I do.  Well, judging by the fact that most people probably do not understand me by now, I will leave it at that.  We live, we keep going.  I never give up.

Tomorrow, I will go to my first 49ers game in about a decade.  They may have been about 100 times better a team last time than they are now, but the view hasn't changed - 50 yard line, 30th row.  That sounds pretty sweet to me, and this particular game happens to be the Matt Leinart vs. Alex Smith "young-QBs-with-potential" Bowl.  SO YAY!  I will have fun, we should still have the slightest chance for a playoff spot if we win tomorrow.  Hopefully it won't be freezing..... yeah right

ok so apparently this is some game or something... and if you've seen more than like 80 or whatever then you're a loser or something.   hmmmmmm..... so what if you double that?  GENUIS?

() Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
() Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Airplane
Total: 8

(x) The Princess Bride
(x) AnchorMan
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
(x) Saw
() Saw II
() White Noise
(x) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
() The Princess Diaries
() The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 16

(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
(x) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
(x) American Wedding
() American Pie Band Camp (dumb movie)
Total so far: 26

(x) Harry Potter 1
() Harry Potter 2
() Harry Potter 3
() Harry Potter 4
() Resident Evil 1
() Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
() Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 30

(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
(x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
() Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
(x) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
()13 Going on 30
() I, Robot
() Robots
Total so far: 37

(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
() Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
(x) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
(x) Eight Crazy Nights
(x) Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG
Total so far: 48

() A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
() The Lizzie McGuire Movie
() Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
(x) Dumber & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
(x) Final Destination 2
(x) Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring
(x) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 58

() Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
() Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
() Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
(x) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 65

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
() Seed of Chucky
(x) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
(x) Just Married
(x) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
() Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
() Coach Carter
() The Grudge
() The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
() Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 74

(x) Bad Boys
(x) Bad Boys 2
() Joy Ride
(x) Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremecy
() Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
() Predator II
() The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
() Curious George
Total so far: 85

(x) Independence Day
() Cujo
() A Bronx Tale
() Darkness Falls
() Christine
(x) ET
() Children of the Corn
(x) My Bosses Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 92

() Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
() Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
(x) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
() Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 103

(x) X-Men
(x) X2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
() Sky High
() Jeepers Creepers
(x) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
(x) Reign of Fire
(x) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
() Cruel Intentions 2
(x) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
() Shrek 2
Total so far: 117

() Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
(x) Old School
() The Notebook
(x) K-Pax
(x) Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
() Ice Castles
() Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old-virgin
Total so far: 123

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 129

(x) Baseketball
() Hostel
() Waiting for Guffman
() House of 1000 Corpses
() Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
() Highlander
(x) Mothman Prophecies
(x) American History X
() Three
Total so Far: 133

() The Jacket
() Kung Fu Hustle
() Shaolin Soccer
() Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
() Shaun Of the Dead
(x) Willard
Total so far: 137

() High Tension
(x) Club Dread
(x) Hulk
() Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x) 28 days later
() Orgazmo
() Phantasm
(x) Waterworld
Total so far: 143

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
() Mortal Kombat
() Wolf Creek
(x) Kingdom of Heaven
(x) the Hills Have Eyes
() I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
() The Last House on the Left
() Re-Animator
() Army of Darkness
Total so far: 147

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
() Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
() Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 153

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
() Animatrix
() Evil Dead
() Evil Dead 2
(x) Team America: World Police
(x) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal
Total so far: 160