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| NEW XANGA!
Check it out. It's got a better name. lol | | |
| *New* layout. Whaddaya think?
It's been a looong time since I've updated. Sad, isn't it? ..Oh well. Time for my update: Sunday - Didn't do crap; slept. Monday - Woke up, hung out at my grandparent's house, went to practice until 4:30, went with Lauren to Target, then came home. When I came home, the family was having problems, but I just went in my room and slept. Yay. Exciting weekend? I think not.
I had a really weird dream last night. I dreamed that my sister committed suicide. It was a weird dream..but so realistic. I'm always having dreams like that. I don't remember the last time I had a *good* dream. Oh well.. ..I still have the feeling that Coby is going to kill my mom. Creepy, isn't it?
Finals tomorrow. Shoot me. It sucks. My schedule sucks. I have my two easy finals tomorrow, and 3 hard ones on Thursday. It's terrible! Chorus and Spanish are tomorrow, and Biology, Geometry, and Health are Thursday. Joy.
Hmm..WELL, life sucks. I'll get over it. Thats about it. I'm making a quicky on here, today. I'll update more..I promise.
Leave me some love. A hug will do.
xoxo
I still like that someone!  ..A lot! | | |
| I haven't updated in a few days, so I thought I would. Not a lot different has happened these past few days. I'm failing 2 classes, because I don't do my homework. Great. What has happened!? I don't do crap in any of my classes, and I don't do my homework. I used to be a straight-A student! ..Honor roll and everything! I dunno..Just too much stress lately, I guess. I shouldn't use that as an excuse, though. Finals are next week. I doubt I can raise my F's, but it's worth a try.
Tonight Coby's parents came over to talk to my parents about everythign going on. They are setting "boundaries". Not that Becky and Coby will abide by them, anyway. Was that the right use of words? Hmm..I dunno. I'm gonna have to look into it. Anyway, I got home around 3, and practiced for a little bit, then went to musical practice at 5:30. T'was fun..I guess. 2 weeks until the actual thing. I can't wait..but I'm nervous, and I really don't want it to end. I've had a lot of fun.
Ahhh! Tomorrow is solo/ensemble contest! I need to practice soo bad! Eeeek! 9:55 in the morning at Collinsville High School. That school is gigantic. How the heck am I gonna find where I'm going!? I dunno..but I'm nervous! Today Rem made Miranda and I stand up in front of the class and sing our song for everybody. It's hard for me to sing in front of people I know. Singing in front of complete strangers is a lot easier..Most of the time. lol I'm really nervous, though. It was funny, because I was shaking, and my lip and nose were twitching..and my voice was shaking. Not good. lol I REALLY hope I don't do that tomorrow. That would SUCK! lol
Yeah..Thats it. Don't really feel like talking.
xoxo
OH! I like somebody! You won't know who it is, though!
*EDIT* - Miranda and I got a 2nd this morning.  | | |
| I figured that if I push it all down and don't talk about it, everything will eventually go away. People are telling me that's not healthy, but what do they know? People who know about everything going on always ask me if things are ok, and it's instinct to say yes. Deep down though, no. It's hell. I just kinda blurt out yes, and immediately put a smile on my face, but I think they know that it's all fake. It's hard for me to talk to people about my personal life. I try, but I get nervous and feel bad for burdening them, and so much stuff flows out at once, and I get overwhelmed, so I think it's best to just hold it in. Thanks so much for helping me, though. Don't give up on me! ..Even though I won't admit it in person, I need help. I need those awesome hugs. *Thanks Leah!*..But yeah. It's easier for me to sit here now and talk about things then it is to talk about them in person. Is that just me, or does that happen for everybody? I dunno. I need to finish my homework, so leave me some deeeep comments!
You never told me what you think of the new layout! -cries- lol
xoxo
*EDIT* - I just got home. Went looking for dresses with my dad for the hand jive scene in Grease. Mall told me today that if I couldn't find anything then I don't have to be in that scene if I don't want. She knows everything that is going on, so she understands. ..I dunno. I'd feel really weird not being in it, but it would take some serious stresses off of me... | | |
| I can't sleep. I can't talk. I can't eat. I can't feel. My life is numb. Turned into a flood of sour emotions. I can't explain how I feel, because no matter what extent I explain it to, it still doesn't seem as bad as it really is. Nobody understands. Nobody knows. I wanna run away from it all. Get away. Have a *normal* life, maybe. Becky and I got along last night and it felt so great. This morning, my Grandparents came over and stirred crap. That is why I wasn't at school. I know that you are probably thinking that this isn't an excuse, but I'm not using it as one. When you go through what I go through, maybe you will understand. I dunno. It's hard. Going to school while you're crying and screaming doesn't seem cool to me, so thats why I didn't come. Screaming and crying. It's so great. It helps..a little. I think I'm going crazy, though. I need to get away. I'm drowning in my life. I can't handle this. I've been thinking about many things the past few days. I *wish* you only knew. I wanna lock myself into my room and never come out. Never talk to anyone again. I'm in great need of a meaningful hug. Another one of those that make you feel secure. You know what I'm talking about. Where you just don't want to let go. I feel so empty. It's been harder to talk to Jesus, lately. I miss our indepth conversations. I feel like I'm talking to emptiness when I try to talk to him. What is happening? Friends. You guys don't even know how much you mean to me. I come to you to get away from this. I feel so much better when I'm away. I love you each so much.
Take care and pray.
xoxo
*EDIT* - Thanks for IMing me and leaving me awesome comments. You all flippin rock. AND..New layout. What do you think? | | |
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